Welcome to the first installment of "Meet the Neighbors," a new semi-regular feature in which we wander around Sam & Max's world, meet people, and look at stuff.
Today's special guest is Bosco, the proprietor of the Inconvenience Store down the street from the freelance police office. Thanks for joining us, Bosco!
Bosco's last known public appearance outside his store, circa 1997.
So, tell us about yourself. Who is Bosco?
Who is Bosco? Who are YOU? WHO SENT YOU? You one of those Avon assassin ladies? Oh yeah, cosmetics, I'm sure. Try epidermal poison. That's how they get you. Seeps right in your pores, and boy, you're as dead as a dead man.
I understand that you run this fine establishment. What inspired you to become a shopkeeper?
For the sundries, obviously! When you got as many people after you as I do, you've got to build something to protect yourself. That means sundries, and lots of 'em. Fortunately, I got everything I need right here under one roof and a thick layer of reinforced steel.
Your set-up seems a little more... paranoid than the average convenience store's, what with the booby traps and all. Any particular reason?
Of course I got booby traps! You think I wanna bunch of boobies walkin' round my store? They'd be the death of us all!
I hear business has been slow for Sam and Max the past few years. How about your own business? Has it been rough for you, too?
Oh, it's been rough all right. Mainly 'cause I got so many people tryin' to steal me blind and deaf. But the steal-from-Bosco days are over! I just got the most advanced security system ever conceived by the human mind. I made it myself!
Now for something more intimate... what did you have for breakfast this morning?
Something more intimate? Do I look like I want intimacy? Do I have a sign on my chest that says "Feel free to ask intimate questions"'? No, I do not, so don't be asking any. But if you must know, I had some delicious Shredded Tax Documents cereal, currently on sale for $99.95.
What's your favorite color?
Why? What's your angle? What color do you represent? If you're another one of those green freaks, you can just leave now, 'cause I got no time for that.
When was the last time you took a vacation?
Which one of the 24 hours a day should I take for a vacation? I got a store to run, I can't be off in Jamaica cavortin' in the bulrushes!
What's your most vivid childhood memory?
I distinctly remember some nosy journalist asking me a bunch of questions I didn't ask for.
You know, Sybil down the street is dabbling in psychotherapy. Have you ever employed her services?
Oh, everyone thinks I'm crazy, just 'cause I try to warn people about the face-sucking aliens headed for Earth. Yeah, laugh now, have your face sucked off later. When the aliens come, I'll be the only left with a face, and I'll be using that face to laugh at all of you, even though I'll be sad.
Anything else you'd like to share with our faithful readers?
Yeah, shop at Bosco's Inconvenience, but don't try to pull nothing, or you'll get taken down faster than you can say, "Look at me, I'm a face sucking alien!"'
Thanks, Bosco, for taking the time to be interviewed for "Meet the Neighbors!"' Meet the Neighbors is a regular feature of the Telltale Blog, aiming to enlighten our community to the businesses around us. If you'd like to see your business or other semi-legitimate establishment in this section, please contact our sales and advertising department.
Bosco's Inconvence is located on the corner, across the street from Stinky's Diner. Bosco's Inconvenience declined requests to list their full business address or phone number.