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Monkey Island 5 SUCKS!

posted by Rather Dashing on - last edited - Viewed by 2.7K users

Everyone is talking about Monkey Island 1-4, but few remember to mention fan-favorite "Monkey Island 5". This epic, 40-hour super experience is heralded for having all the features anyone who hates episodes could ever want.

But really, was it all that great?

First of all, it's just a re-tread of everything that has come before. Oh, have to get near-useless crew. How original. Banishing LeChuck's latest form, though admittedly this has become more of a series staple, I thought that they could have come up with better than a "glowy" Zombie LeChuck. I mean, really, what was up with that?

The ending was non-existent! We spend a HUGE chunk of this 40-hour game crafting the Cursed Cutlass of Kaflu. We found AGAIN all of these items that were in the other games, from a voodoo doll to the Ultimate Insult(ugh) to defeat LeChuck. And when we find all but the fizzy root beer...the game just ends. Abruptly. I mean, we didn't even get a conclusion until recently in Tales of that story. And while it was an epic ending, to be sure, wouldn't it have been more fitting to leave it in its own game? Surely Monkey Island 5 wouldn't have suffered so much if it didn't completely lack an ending.

Why did we have to go to so much trouble to get a monkey coffin, anyway? It wasn't used in the course of Monkey Island 5, so what is the point of that anyway?

And LeChuck stealing monkies? It's a bit hard to swallow, and this is for a series that can get pretty thick in shtick.

Speaking of LeChuck, even *I* can't believe how he ended up surviving the ending of Escape from Monkey Island.

Monkey Island 5 is a HUGE game, that's to be sure. But if one is to go by quality rather than quantity, it's obvious that it is a severe failure compared to Tales of Monkey Island already.

Yes, this is a play on the whole "After Monkey Island 5" business. Sue me.

262 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • Ugh I'm still disgusted at the scene Elaine and Captain Kate get it on. I mean full frontal nudity? REALLY?
    Jesus christ.
    I guess it was kind of beautiful how their relationship bloomed but why a half an hour animated sex scene? If anybody found that arousing what is wrong with you?
    They aren't real!

    Glad Guybrush took her back in the end. But I wish she put a damn shirt on.
    Atleast we know why she wants revenge at the end of Tales. Guybrush broke up a blooming relationship.

    First Guybrush
    Then Kate in MI5
    And in Tales she goes to Lechuck.
    I got a new word I like to call Elaine.

    @darknessofheart said: I don't care how bad some parts were in that game, nothing could eve be as scarring as the sex scene between Guybrush and Elaine. And what the hell were up with those options; push harder, go softer, have a premature....well I'm sure you guys all remember because I'm still trying to forget.

    Ah I chose different options. Elaine went to Kate for me.

    Also I read a post that reminded me of how Guybrush went around shirtless. It seems they did this with every character.

  • What was (in your opinion) the worst product placement? For me it was that in order to make it to the floating island you had to drink red bull grog because "it gives you wings" Serisously, doesn't this game make enough money without selling out?

  • I hate that guybrush wouldnt leave the yonga and muntz "comedy" show

  • I just couldn't get over the fact the the LucasArts logo was placed, in a subtle way, in EACH and EVERY texture! You can spot it in Guybrush's hair, on Guybrush's coat, on the clouds and once every three meters on the ground. Sure, it was subtle...but c'moooon!

  • The worst bit for me had to be that whole Q&A mini-game - the one with the really stupid questions -

    'You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.'

    I mean whats all that about?! WTF have deserts to do with pirates?! What desert? What f-ing tortoise?! It left me with absolutely no emotional response apart from rage I tell you...

  • ^ I always answered YES to all of those...

  • @Silverwolfpet said: ^ I always answered YES to all of those...

    Heehee - OT I know but I watched Directors Cut again last week :)

    Muchos Kudos for the vid by the way....ace!

    Back on topic:

    How about that stupid 'Thank-you Note' game where all you had to do was go through Guybrush and Elaine's guest-list and tick off the one's you'd replied to already....and that china pattern they chose was just tacky.....delft-ware monkeys are not a good look...

  • @Monkeybutton said:
    How about that stupid 'Thank-you Note' game where all you had to do was go through Guybrush and Elaine's guest-list and tick off the one's you'd replied to already....and that china pattern they chose was just tacky.....delft-ware monkeys are not a good look...

    Tell me about it... but, as annoying as the list-thingie was, it cannot be compared to the actual Caribbean Party that was a clear rip-off from Asterix and Obelix. Meh, and the "Throw the midget" game was really disturbing and offensive!

  • @Silverwolfpet said: Tell me about it... but, as annoying as the list-thingie was, it cannot be compared to the actual Caribbean Party that was a clear rip-off from Asterix and Obelix. Meh, and the "Throw the midget" game was really disturbing and offensive!

    I can understand a little offensiveness, but the problem with this game was that it was hypocritical. On one hand, it had the offensive moments (like you described), but on the other hand there were parts where the game tried to be "politically correct"

    I mean calling pirates Economically challenged buccaneers?

    And who could forget the unintentionally funny word teammate for every crew member... ON LECHUCK'S SHIP! WHY WOULD AN UNDEAD PIRATE CALL HIS CREW HIS TEAM AND FRIENDS!!!

    And then they call him their reanimated corpsey leader. JUST CALL HIM A ZOMBIE!

    Sorry, it was just a little much.

    PS. Did you choose to chuck Wally in that game? *snicker*

  • Also, I wanted Stan in this game as much as the next guy, but the 3 HOUR SALES PITCH was JUST TOO LOOOOONNNGG!!!

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