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posted by bobber56 on - last edited - Viewed by 354 users

Two prisoners, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker.

The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request ?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love great music. Could you please play Justin Bieber for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son ? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "KILL ME FIRST."

32 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • A sausage and a slab of bacon are being cooked in a frying pan. The sausage turns to the slab of bacon and asks, 'Hot enough for ya?' to which the slab of bacon replies, 'Well, would you look at that, a talking sausage!'

  • How many surrealist does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A Fish.


    If you're flying down a river in a cement canoe and all of your wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

    4, because ice cream has no bones.

  • How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?


    Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

  • How do you gat a one-armed lawyer out of a tree?

    Wave to him.

    Marvin was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.
    The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

  • How many Peta members does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, Peta can't change anything.

  • Knock Knock

    Who's There?

    ...I forgot the payoff.

  • User Avatar Image
    divisionten Moderator

    How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it.

  • There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.

    First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

    The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your ass with out any expression on your face or you'll be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

    The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1... 2...3...4...5...6...7...8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore, he also was killed.

    The first guy and the second guy met in Heaven.

    The first guy asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second guy replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

  • Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

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