Funny Amazon.com Reviews
If you trawl through the user reviews on Amazon.com (and it's sister sites), you may come across some hilarious reviews. This is a thread to post the funniest user reviews that you can find!
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml
5 out of 5 Stars - ' DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS'
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
Box Canvas Print of Paul Ross (TV Presenter)
5 out of 5 Stars - '20 inches of total nirvana'
I've been looking for a 20 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross since my (completely inferior) 18 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross was damaged during a Barium Enema. Thankfully this Canvass really is excellent. The quality of print complements the sheer majesty of Paul's cherubic face.
For a while I considered mounting a large number of these on my ceiling to create a Paul Ross canvass ceiling but unfortunately I realised that this is what my wife would be staring at during our frenzied horizontal moments, and what kind of a man can compare to Paul Ross in the bedroom? "No-one" I hear you cry!
I've ordered four of these now:
One of them is above the fireplace and is naturally the pride of our entire home.
On the second canvass I've cut out the section where Paul's face is, and when I drive to pick up the kids I wear the canvass and pretend that I'm a famous celebrity dad, the kids simply love it.
The third is purely for recreational purposes, I've cut a whole where Paul's mouth would be because my wife has demanded that we French kiss through the hole (I want to point out that I wear the canvass for kissing, not her! Although I'd gladly turn for just one of Paul's tender mouth hugs.)
The fourth is a backup.
5 out of 5 Stars - 'Alcoholic'
Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner.
5 out of 5 Stars - 'Best in class'
If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get.
5 out of 5 Stars - 'My reason to live'
I purchased this wondrous print almost 2 years ago & it means more to me than you can ever imagine.
In fact I recently had a horrific house fire & only had time to save 2 things - I chose this & one of the twins!
1 out 5 Stars - 'It's a swindle!'
I recently purchased this poster, and while it's lifelike, well made and had a certain, portly charm to it, I have since found out that it's actually *cheaper* to hire Paul Ross to come over and stand against a wall, whenever you feel the need to look at him.
Cat-Genie Self Washing, Self Flushing Cat Box
2 out of 5 Stars - 'An expensive way to smell poo'
Cat Genie takes the small unpleasantness of daily cleaning the litter and it saves it up and releases that unpleasantness as one big unscheduled, unpleasant inconvenience every week or two. Advanced monitors will ensure that the device failure will occur during the workday, as you prepare for your important meeting with your prospective client. Nothing like cleaning out wet cat poo in your nicest suit. Or, you may be pleasantly awoken in the middle of the night by the repeating three beeps of "there's poo and hair in the hopper." You will become more familiar with your cat's feces every day as the cat genie gently fills your home with the aroma of baking excrement. Plus, you get to pay over $300 for technology that was "designed" and built for less than $2. The "processor" unit was designed in 1967 and allows all the functionality of the most advanced microchip devices of its era. It has both on and off modes. (Note: off mode available only while unplugged.)
Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk
5 out of 5 Stars - 'Makes a boring drive easier'
You wouldn't believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I'm using it right now to post this review and I never
Animal House Monkey Peeler
5 out of 5 Stars - 'Please Help'
I tried to use this product to peel my monkey, but i couldn't get it to sit still. Do I need to wait until the monkey is sleeping first? Please Help!