From my wonderful experience arguing with several people on this forum over various issues, I've discovered I am not apparently an "old school" adventure gamer. After much study and research I've discovered the truth about this rare subculture of America.
* If a game requires you utilize a keyboard, you quickly log onto forums and type up a storm about how operating a keyboard is so difficult
* You expect your graphics card from 1997 to be Direct X 10 compatible
* You think WASD is some form of white angelo saxonism
* You're infuriated when you find out your brand new game won't work with Windows 98
* You expect episodic adventure games produced monthly that look like Curse of Monkey Island
* You refuse to attend IMAX movies because you hate 3D
* You think adding the word "Quest" to the end of names for games, books or children is clever
* The majority of games you play weren't made this this century
* You think the best games ever made were from the nineties, and log on to complain about how Tales of Monkey Island or the Special Edition haven't been made exactly like the originals
* ...while complaining about how the sound and graphics haven't been polished to a Crysis like standard.
* You hate Guybrush's hair almost as much as you hated his nose in 1997.
* You hate episodic gaming because it's too short so you replay Full Throttle and Loom instead.
* You've burned your copy of Escape from Monkey Island over the ending, swearing to kill the originator of the concept without realizing it was one of the throw away ideas Ron, Dave and Tim came up with back in 1991 for the original Secret of Monkey Island
* You spend hours pouring over the evidence and put much thought into the truth behind the TRUE secret and are still looking forward to seeing the sequels to the Matrix
* You're waiting for the price to come down before you shell out for a VHS player.
* Your modem still downloads things at a rate of bauds per second.
* You go watch TV or read The Green Mile instead of even contemplating paying for an episodic game
* You can actually use a text parser
* You actually LIKE to use a text parser
* You're extremely disappointed after you begin playing Jak and Daxter
* You couldn't beat the default settings for Whack-A-Mole
* You give the original Half Life a D minus in your review
* You keep all your important documents like your resume and your tax information safe and secure, hidden away on password protected floppies
* You find Monkey Kombat to be INTOLERABLE and THE WORST THING EVER, and try explaining how awful and tedious it is to people who grind in World of Warcraft or repeatedly fight the Elite Four in Poke'mon
* You can't figure out why games that lack voice over, feature MIDI and blocky pixel art would need special editions
* You voted for Obama but hate all the changes made to adventure gaming because "it's different and unfamiliar"
* You call tech support because your new game shipped without its code wheel
* You make a daily habit of praying to God that the people behind Escape from Monkey Island be crushed by meteorites while occasionally replaying Sam and Max Hit the Road and the Fate of Atlantis
* You wish there was more verbs to select from in Zak McKraken and Maniac Mansion
* You think graphics killed adventure gaming - as in, actually having graphics at all.
* You refer to people who enjoy modern adventure games as "kids" universally, even the people who actually are on staff designing the game
* You confuse CDs for Frisbees
...and most importantly...
* You have a complete inability to let go of the past.