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Are you an "old school" adventure gamer?

posted by PariahKing on - last edited - Viewed by 405 users

From my wonderful experience arguing with several people on this forum over various issues, I've discovered I am not apparently an "old school" adventure gamer. After much study and research I've discovered the truth about this rare subculture of America.

* If a game requires you utilize a keyboard, you quickly log onto forums and type up a storm about how operating a keyboard is so difficult

* You expect your graphics card from 1997 to be Direct X 10 compatible

* You think WASD is some form of white angelo saxonism

* You're infuriated when you find out your brand new game won't work with Windows 98

* You expect episodic adventure games produced monthly that look like Curse of Monkey Island

* You refuse to attend IMAX movies because you hate 3D

* You think adding the word "Quest" to the end of names for games, books or children is clever

* The majority of games you play weren't made this this century

* You think the best games ever made were from the nineties, and log on to complain about how Tales of Monkey Island or the Special Edition haven't been made exactly like the originals

* ...while complaining about how the sound and graphics haven't been polished to a Crysis like standard.

* You hate Guybrush's hair almost as much as you hated his nose in 1997.

* You hate episodic gaming because it's too short so you replay Full Throttle and Loom instead.

* You've burned your copy of Escape from Monkey Island over the ending, swearing to kill the originator of the concept without realizing it was one of the throw away ideas Ron, Dave and Tim came up with back in 1991 for the original Secret of Monkey Island

* You spend hours pouring over the evidence and put much thought into the truth behind the TRUE secret and are still looking forward to seeing the sequels to the Matrix

* You're waiting for the price to come down before you shell out for a VHS player.

* Your modem still downloads things at a rate of bauds per second.

* You go watch TV or read The Green Mile instead of even contemplating paying for an episodic game

* You can actually use a text parser

* You actually LIKE to use a text parser

* You're extremely disappointed after you begin playing Jak and Daxter

* You couldn't beat the default settings for Whack-A-Mole

* You give the original Half Life a D minus in your review

* You keep all your important documents like your resume and your tax information safe and secure, hidden away on password protected floppies

* You find Monkey Kombat to be INTOLERABLE and THE WORST THING EVER, and try explaining how awful and tedious it is to people who grind in World of Warcraft or repeatedly fight the Elite Four in Poke'mon

* You can't figure out why games that lack voice over, feature MIDI and blocky pixel art would need special editions

* You voted for Obama but hate all the changes made to adventure gaming because "it's different and unfamiliar"

* You call tech support because your new game shipped without its code wheel

* You make a daily habit of praying to God that the people behind Escape from Monkey Island be crushed by meteorites while occasionally replaying Sam and Max Hit the Road and the Fate of Atlantis

* You wish there was more verbs to select from in Zak McKraken and Maniac Mansion

* You think graphics killed adventure gaming - as in, actually having graphics at all.

* You refer to people who enjoy modern adventure games as "kids" universally, even the people who actually are on staff designing the game

* You confuse CDs for Frisbees

...and most importantly...

* You have a complete inability to let go of the past.

47 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • @edweird said: I'm definitely an "old school" adventure gamer, yet not a single point in the post was remotely close enough to the truth for me to be tickled by humor, I'm sorry to say.

    Explaining a joke is never funny, but the premise is that there is a (loud) section of people who believe any game made in 3d or uses direct control makes it instantly awful. I have seen comments on YouTube where people have said things like "text parser controls are better than click and drag in ease of use" and "TMI looks worse than Escape from Monkey Island." Instead of saying "I like 2D more than 3D" or "I prefer point and click" the attitude is "every game made past 1997 is garbage" and "nothing will ever be good that is 3D."

    The people I'm making fun assume they are the TRUE adventure gamers who have the TRUE and ONLY good games and those who don't like it are uncultured philistines. It's not that they like old games - I do. Like I said before it's like the user assumed I was a kid too young to remember games back in the old day where you "didn't have to fight the controls" because I liked click and drag. It's kind of like buying a new car and being convinced it's garbage because you're upset with the lemon scented air freshener not being pine. "Back in my day they would shell out for the finest of scents!"

    In other words I'm using the term facetiously in reference to a large amount of complaining that happened mostly a month ago that occasionally still continues.
    @edweird said: Additionally, it's not an American subculture - these games have collected loyal fans from around the world. I'm in Australia myself, and the old adventure games were a big part of my life.Yeah, I know. It just sounded better in my head when I wrote it that way. Xenophobia, you know how it goes - greedy capitalist pig and all that.
    @edweird said: Something very special happened in the golden age of point and click adventure games, and it's something that certain people deem worthy of keeping alive. That doesn't mean they're all ignorant fools, even if some of them do whinge on forums from time to time.Not what I was saying at all, Ed who happens to be Weird.

  • That JustAdventure review of Half-Life is the second most stupid thing I've read all week. Thankfully that's only their review for the PS2 version by someone who thinks a PS2 is part of photosynthesis, and their reviews for the original and HL2 are more fair.

  • @S@bre said: That JustAdventure review of Half-Life is the second most stupid thing I've read all week. Thankfully that's only their review for the PS2 version by someone who thinks a PS2 is part of photosynthesis, and their reviews for the original and HL2 are more fair.

    The stupidest thing I've read all week is Tim Schafer seriously suggesting graphics killed off adventure games.

  • @PariahKing said: * If a game requires you utilize a keyboard, you quickly log onto forums and type up a storm about how operating a keyboard is so difficult


    i totally don't get this...how are you supposed to play a text adventure without a keyboard.

    @PariahKing said: Just one question? Can you configure emm386.sys to use XMS memory and stick Himem.sys in the upper memory region. If so you truly are a 'old school adventure gamer'™


    ahh, the good old times, when you had a max of 640kb main memory and everything else was extended (or expanded) memory. it got a lot easier, if you set up your config.sys to use the multi-config boot menu.

  • @wisp said: i totally don't get this...how are you supposed to play a text adventure without a keyboard.

    Clever.

  • Some points apply to me, so I'm semi-old school. I enjoy old games and don't know why they would need special editions, they are enjoyable as they are. I'm not strictly against special editions, but I rather want new games than enhanced version of the old games (which I already own and have completed several times). And yes I like text parser, although I prefer mouse control. But I have nothing against keyboard controls either, if it's made easy and I don't end up running against every wall and object. For me controls, graphics and voices are mostly irrelevant. What I love is good story and puzzles.

    PS: And no I didn't vote Obama, but I voted man named Sauli Niinistö in the last presidential elections.

  • Mouse? What's a mouse?

    We really need text-parser control in today's game!

  • I don't understand why everyone just takes for granted that text parsers are a bad thing. I really miss the text parser games, and if a new one would've been made I would be thrilled. Same goes for interactive fiction (i.e non-graphics adventures) and I still get in the mood and play the new ones from time to time. The Spider and the Web is, in my opinion, much better than many commercial graphic adventure games.

    In any case, I didn't find this list funny. Basically just mixed some obviously infantile remarks like "You refuse to attend IMAX movies because you hate 3D" or "You confuse CDs for Frisbees" with perfectly reasonable ones like "You actually LIKE to use a text parser" or "You can't figure out why games that lack voice over, feature MIDI and blocky pixel art would need special editions" to make us old-timers look bad :)

  • @matan said: I don't understand why everyone just takes for granted that text parsers are a bad thing. I really miss the text parser games, and if a new one would've been made I would be thrilled. Same goes for interactive fiction (i.e non-graphics adventures) and I still get in the mood and play the new ones from time to time. The Spider and the Web is, in my opinion, much better than many commercial graphic adventure games.

    In any case, I didn't find this list funny. Basically just mixed some obviously infantile remarks like "You refuse to attend IMAX movies because you hate 3D" or "You confuse CDs for Frisbees" with perfectly reasonable ones like "You actually LIKE to use a text parser" or "You can't figure out why games that lack voice over, feature MIDI and blocky pixel art would need special editions" to make us old-timers look bad :)

    You can't handle the truth! Text parsers suck, face it. We don't all have the exact same vocabulary and sentence structure as Roberta Williams, life just doesn't work that way.

    The Lucasarts SCUMM engine was a million times better because you were told what the item you were pointing at was, instead of spending three hours mindlessly typing because you didn't realize that the computer was actually a terminal, or that the bowl was really a pot.

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