I was imagining what a typical day in the office is like for Nelson Tethers, Puzzle Agent. Here's what I imagine it to be like. I hope you all enjoy it.
10:17am. Agent Wilson needs my help with his crossword puzzle yet again. I can't believe he doesn't even know a 4-letter word for an Indonesian wild ox.
11:20. The mail boy wants my assistance. The payroll is here. The envelopes are color-coded but have no names on them. A list of arbitrary clues about who gets which envelope has been included but it's been written in code. What the hell?
12:05. Going to lunch. Half the city's street lights are stuck on red. I have to chart a course to Happy Burger that avoids these intersections and due to transmission problems, my car can only make left turns.
12:15. There are seven people ahead of me at Happy Burger but the girl at the register forgot to give them their numbers. Before I can get my food, I have to deduce the sequence in which everyone placed their order from their statements. Piece of cake.
1:07. Just got a call. At first it seemed like I had another case. Two in one month! But it was another wrong number. They wanted the Department of Poodle Investigations. I rerouted their call after figuring out which of the tangled mess of switchboard cables would lead to their office. I really hate this place.
3:12. Needed again. Agent David, Agent Janice and Agent Trevor need to get to a meeting on the eighth floor as quickly as possible from the lobby. Elevator regulations however require that each trip carry no more than two people at a time, and at least one on every trip. However, Agent Janice is the office slut and will always push the elevator stop button if she's in the elevator with anyone else to aggressively make out with them. This whole problem could have been avoided if we had a second elevator.
4:40. Just finished talking to the head of resources. He had several pictures of spilled paperclips each showing a subset of the spill from different angles and needed to know the minimum number of red paperclips that had been spilled. I don't get these people at all.
5:01. Time to go home. I can't wait to get out of here. My only consolation from day to day is the knowledge that the government has made a huge error in its payroll database that results in me being paid $75,000 for every puzzle I solve. Soon I'll be able to finish my little hobby of constructing a 3600 sq. foot maze built of diamond-encrusted platinum in which each 20x20 foot segment is mounted on a massive hydraulic turntable requiring anyone who wishes to pass through to arrange the segments in such a way as to complete a simple circuit through the maze while avoiding the pits of exotic and highly venomous vipers I've flown in from all over the world. With this done, my life will finally become worthwhile.
5:03. I really need some gum.