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Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

posted by St_Eddie on - last edited - Viewed by 4.3K users

Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

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I first purchased this game as a 13 year old kid, back in 1995. Although I have completed it a couple of times, it's been many years since I last did so. Therefore, replaying this game is sure to feel rather fresh.

The only other thing I want to say before we begin is that I genuinely enjoy playing this game and have very fond memories of it. I only say this because the tone of this let's play will be fairly humorous and at times, playfully mocking but I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was slagging off the game.

Without further adieu, let's get started...

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The game certainly doesn't try to break convention as we start on a cut-scene; where we find our smart mouthed hero, Joe King (it's best to get used to the cringe inducing puns in this game), pilot for hire, tied up in a warehouse with his date.

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The reason they are tied up is because the lady is the girlfriend of a walking cliché of a mob boss. He found out about his girl's infidelity and was none too pleased to say the least. Also, it's interesting to see that Prince has an uncredited cameo as the gangster on the right!

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"You Dirty Rat!"

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The gangster has avoided common sense by failing to shoot them (well actually common sense would be filing for divorce but gangsters are prone to becoming a bit grumpy) and has instead rigged up a bomb to explode. It looks like curtains for our dating couple and the tension is palpable. Of course this is still the opening cinematic, so we know that Joe will be okay.

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Our saving grace comes in the form a very ungraceful entrance. Standing in a bathtub (for some inexplicable reason) is our good pal, Sparky; who enters by crashing through the roof.

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The warehouse explodes moments after we make our escape, with the mob boss still inside. You'd think that he would have vacated the premises considering he set the bomb to go off but I've come to the conclusion that he probably suffers from short term memory loss.

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Rather than taking a much deserved day off work, Joe is more concerned with collecting his latest paying passenger; the famous movie star, Faye Russel. You certainly couldn't say that he's not dedicated to his job.

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However, once we arrive at the venue where Faye is staying we find Anderson standing in her dressing room. Everyone has an arch-nemesis; David has Goliath, Holmes has Moriarty, Wile E. Coyote has Road Runner and Joe has Anderson (a rival pilot for hire).

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Anderson explains that he intends to steal Faye away from us, as his own passenger. He then locks the door (which is made of solid steal... um, why?!), thus trapping us in the room.

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And so the true adventure begins. Currently Joe is carrying his diary (used to save and load games) and a baseball bat. I'm not sure as to why Joe carries a bat with him. Maybe he's prone to a spot of impromptu baseball!

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"Nah, I carry this partly out of... I don't know. What's the word?"
"Affectation?"
"Right."


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I decide that the bat may be put to good use by smashing the window to the right but Joe informs me that it's made of bullet-proof glass! This is getting ridiculous, why in tarnation does Faye Russel need a solid steal door and a bullet-proof glass window?! Is she a high priority target for the assassins of the world? I can only assume that she's received death threats from an obsessed fan (the same kind that I regularly send to Charlize Theron).

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Seeming as I can't break the window, perhaps I can shout to my pal Sparky for help, who's stood outside reading his favourite comic, 'Commander Rocket'. My attempts to gain his attention are fruitless however because the glass is not only bullet-proof but also sound-proof (but of course).

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All is not lost however as upon picking up some sheets strewn across the floor, I discover a laundry shoot. Now call me over-zealous when it comes to health and safety if you like, but isn't a GIANT FUCKING HOLE IN THE GROUND just a tad dangerous?! Never-mind, at least it's an escape route.

I knot the two sheets together, tie them to the nearby radiator and descend the chute.

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Wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

... hold on! If I'm simply sliding down the chute, then why in blazes did I need to tie together those sheets?! Ho hum, a slide's always fun so I'm not going to complain.

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Being the sex crazed (and starved) maniac that I am, the first thing that I'm interested in investigating are these novelty boobies (heh heh... boobies)! I pick up a pair (they might come in handy on a cold, lonely winters night) and admire the unbeatable craftsmanship...

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"Unbeatable? Au contraire."

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Anywayyyyyy... I take the stairs up to the lobby but unfortunately my escape route is being guarded by a couple more gangsters. I immediately spy a rather handy key on the bell boy's desk and attempt to pick it up. Naturally, the staff is not going to let that happen so I talk to him and exhaust all of the dialogue options but to no avail.

I also try to press the bell on the desk but it cannot be achieved, which is a shame because I love to ring the desk bell multiple times in adventure games when the assistant is already standing there. It usually winds them up to no end! You've missed a trick here, developers.

It's worth pointing out that the bell boy's voice sounds like a cross between these two...

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Kermit the Frog (anthropomorphised frog thing)

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Beek Nariz (the elephant man's uglier brother)

... You'd think that the manager of the venue would want to have someone with a slightly less ludicrous voice manning the front desk but clearly the manager is an equal opportunities employer, so I'm not going to berate him for being a nice chap.

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Feeling as though I'm now out of options, I attempt to sneak past the gangsters but they spot me. The short one sounds just like Marlon Brando and the tall one looks like David Prowse in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' (as evidenced at 2:15 in this clip). Therefore, I shall henceforth refer to them as Brando & Prowse.

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Brando & Prowse lock me back in Faye's room and... remove my clothes. They claim that this might discourage me from attempting to escape again but quite frankly, I have my suspicions that they're just a couple of horny perverts!

I then spend the next 10 minutes wondering back and forth between the different areas, absolutely clueless as to what I need to do next. Out of desperation, I try interacting with every object in every logical way possible... still no luck.

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Then I try talking to the bell boy again, only to find a new dialogue option. It turns out that you have to look at the key before this option will appear! Grr... bloody adventure games!

Anyway, now that I have the key to the dressing room; I head on down there...

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... to be confronted by Joe's ex-girlfriend, Lola. She's awful mad at Joe for dumping her and the two have a humorous back and forth.

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Lola hops in to the shower and conveniently has her private areas covered by patches of steam on the glass (how very 'Austin Powers'). Lola agrees to help us escape if we retrieve a towel for her (I guess she's rather easily pleased). Luckily, I have one to hand and Lola soon explains her plan to us.

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The plan is to dress me Joe up in ladies clothing, so that I can pass the gangsters upstairs unnoticed. Joe attaches the boobies (heh heh... boobies), puts on a wig found in Faye's room and slips on the dress.

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A 'Maniac Mansion' style cut-scene is triggered...

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... in which we are introduced to a quite clearly insane Doctor named Ironstein (I did warn you about the awful puns). However, for the purposes of this let's play, I shall call him Dr. Fruitloop.

Speaking to his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop explains his retarded genius master plan to turn Amazonian women into dinosaur people. I'm sure it's a dream we've all had at some point or another, right alongside world peace and sleeping with Charlize Theron.

In order to show the process of the transformation to the player his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop fires up the machine...

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"Transmogrification process initiated."
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I couldn't help but notice that the sound that the machine makes is the same iconic sound effect made by the opening of doors in 'Doom'. Tsk tsk, developers!

Dr. Fruitloop then explains that he will now activate the 'Aggression Enhancer'...
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... but he's clearly not left the beta stage of development yet!

Sadly for Dr. Fruitloop (but thankfully for the women of the Amazon) he's run out of test subjects. Unfortunately that's not going to stop an ambitious young ancient go-getter like Dr. Fruitloop though...

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Seriously, this guy's so corny that I'm surprised the developers didn't have him cackle in an evil manner...

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... oh, they did.

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The cut-scene has finished and we return to Joe Joanne, as we prepare to exit the hotel. We succeed and Sparky drives us away but the goons do a double-take and realise that was no lady!

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Marlon & Prowse give chase and open fire at Joe. Because this is an adventure game, they're shots are less on target than a blind Stormtrooper's.

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"Hey! I'd totally blow your head off for that remark... if I wasn't such a rubbish shot!"

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Luckily there's a canister of oil on the back of the truck, so I chuck it at the car and it's "adios amigos". That just leaves one thing; for Joe to make a Schwarzenegger-esque quip...

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Pure poetry!

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We catch up with Anderson (the cad!) just as he's about to fly away with Faye using our plane (the extra-double-bastard cad).

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Joe uses his subtle negotiation skills to... punch Anderson out cold. Sparky then appears to join us on our flight.

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Nuts! Our plane has been hit by lightning and it looks like we're going down...

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Hmm, I sense the beginning of a familiar relationship ...


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Well, that's it for Part 1.

165 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'
    Part 2: 'Suck My Pocket Rocket, Robin Williams'


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    We find ourselves inside the plane, crashed in a body of water, deep within the Amazon jungle.

    There's a constant and heavy stream of water leaking in through the back of the plane but oddly the water has simply stopped halfway down the isle of the plane's interior, keeping away from us. That's some seriously polite water!

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    "Shall I shine your shoes for you too, Sir?"

    I explore the wreckage and discover:

    A knife
    A lighter (without flint)
    Some Beef Jerky
    A water damaged 'Pocket Rocket Decoder Ring' coupon from Sparky's 'Commander Rocket' comic book.


    I literally have no idea what a 'Pocket Rocket Decoder Ring' is, much less why I would need to carry a water damaged coupon for a 'Pocket Rocket Decoder Ring'. Now, I know what a 'Pocket Rocket' is because I'm male and therefore have one dangling between my legs but the 'Decoder Ring' part of the 'Pocket Rocket Decoder Ring' leaves me baffled.

    Still, I'm sure that I'll find some kind of use for a 'Pocket Rocket Decoder Ring' coupon at some point on my adventure.

    ... 'POCKET ROCKET DECODER RING' (I just wanted to say that one more time)!!!

    I then make sure that I've exhausted all possible dialogue options with both Sparky and Faye.
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    Shut the hell up, you Charlize Theron wannabe.

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    I take a look outside of the plane, only to find it surrounded by a school of piranhas, who are stopping me from picking up that rather handy looking propeller.

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    The solution seems fairly obvious and so I dip my beef jerky into the water (and no, that isn't a euphemism; I'm not into aquatic S&M, thank you very much). The piranhas bugger off and I'm free to pick up the propeller.

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    The rest of the gang join me on a lily-pad, which is strong enough to hold the weight of three adults... apparently. We then use the propeller to row to the shore.

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    Naturally it's muggins here who has to do all of the work, whilst Ms. Prissy Knickers preens herself and the fat man-child plays with a yo-yo.

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    Before I head off into the Jungle to re-enact the plot of 'Cannibal Holocaust'; Sparky asks me if I could pick up a replacement copy of his water damaged comic book!

    Sadly there's no dialogue option to say:

    "Fuck you and your pathetic kids comic, you complete imbecile. Our friendship is over!"

    or

    "I should have saved the beef jerky and fed you to the piranhas, fat boy. After-all, I'm sure the jerky would have been more useful and it would have made for a better conversationalist!"

    ... Instead Joe agrees to help Sparky out if he can because Joe is a wet sock.

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    "Hello. My name is Joe. Allow me to let you walk all over me."

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    Guybrush then walks into the jungle and...

    ... Sorry, wrong game!

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    Joe then walks into the jungle and comes across a parrot, who babbles something about a princess and a kidnapping in-between his squawks. This moment isn't a rip-off of the dog from the Scumm Bar in 'Monkey Island' at all... is what a lawyer at Warner Interactive would say.

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    I use my knife to cut down a hanging vine. Which um... darn, I don't really have anything funny to say about this! Uh, give me a second... which was a really fvine thing to do.

    ... I'll get me coat!

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    Moving on I come across Robin Williams a gorilla, who's blocking the path.

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    A gorilla, displaying himself to a potential mate.

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    Award winning actor and comedian, Robin Williams.

    I decide to head back for now and go off in a different direction...
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    ... and come across a bridge in need of repair. You hardly have to be EinsteinIronstein to figure out what we need to do here.

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    Yep, the vine does the job and we make our way across the repaired bridge.

    On the other side of the bridge we find a banana...
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    Joe could easily be describing my very own "Pocket Rocket" here, save for one detail; mine is only two and a half inches long but it is curved and it is most certainly a putrid yellow colour!

    It seems fairly obvious that we should now head on back to the gorilla and offer him the banana...

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    ... Which the greedy git proceeds to eat but still refuses to budge!

    I'm now lost as to what to do next so I travel around a bit; until...

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    I come back to this screen and realise that another banana has miraculously appeared! I walk back to the gorilla and give him a second feeding but he still won't budge a single inch!

    I'm now bemused as to how to progress and desperate times call for desperate measures:

    USE BASEBALL BAT on GORILLA...
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    Dammit Joe, the only kind of baseball I want to play involves using this hairy bastard's head as a ball!

    Okay, perhaps Joe will interpret this command a little better:

    USE KNIFE on GORILLA...
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    Dag-nab-it Joe, quit acting like you're Dian Fossey and slice up that primate!

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    Clearly this lot have never had their path blocked by a banana guzzling annoyance!

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    Hell yeah!

    I'm completely stumped so I guess it's time to save my game and call it a day for now.

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    Well, that's it for Part 2.

  • User Avatar Image
    Jennifer Moderator

    Oh, ack. You're on that puzzle. That's a weird puzzle. :eek: You're going to have to suspend your feelings of disbelief for that one.

  • Can you try to hit the gorilla with the banana?

  • Good part 2. Leaves me anticipating part 3 in which I guess you get so frustrated you quit this game and play something else!

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    Darth Marsden Moderator

    Yayz! Awesome as always. Looking forward to part 3.

  • @Jennifer said: Oh, ack. You're on that puzzle. That's a weird puzzle. :eek: You're going to have to suspend your feelings of disbelief for that one.



    Hmm, okay. Advice taken with no small amount of trepidation.

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    "I've got a bad feeling about this."

    @Jennifer said: Can you try to hit the gorilla with the banana?

    Sadly there is no "hit" verb. Oh God, how I wish that there were.

    @Jennifer said: Good part 2. Leaves me anticipating part 3 in which I guess you get so frustrated you quit this game and play something else!

    Trust me when I say that I'm in this for the long haul. For better or for worse.

    P.S. I love your new Starbug avatar. :D

  • @St_Eddie said: Trust me when I say that I'm in this for the long haul. For better or for worse.

    P.S. I love your new Starbug avatar. :D



    That's good. It'll make this all the more interesting.

    Oh and thanks, I was messing around last night with my lickle Starbug and just decided to make it my avatar. A few photos later and voila! If you look closely you can see that I've penciled in the left hand (as you're looking at it) cockpit window for some drunken reason.

  • @corruptbiggins said: ... I was messing around last night with my lickle Starbug and just decided to make it my avatar. A few photos later and voila! If you look closely you can see that I've penciled in the left hand (as you're looking at it) cockpit window for some drunken reason.



    Oh yes, so you have. XD

    I suppose you could pretend that the crew crashed into an asteroid or something!

  • @St_Eddie said: Oh yes, so you have. XD

    I suppose you could pretend that the crew crashed into an asteroid or something!



    Yeah why not! It's not as if that hasn't happened at all before!

  • I've added a few updates to part 2, so those who've already read it may want to have a second look. The new stuff consists of pictures and photos outside of the game itself, so they should be easy enough to spot!

    I'll be posting Part 3 tomorrow.

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