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Sexuality

posted by DAISHI on - last edited - Viewed by 3.5K users

So homosexual marriage finally seems like it's getting approval from the American public, to which I say Kudos! I'm firmly attracted to the female form myself, but I'd never want to keep someone from marrying someone else.

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  • @DAISHI said: People do get hurt because they don't understand the emotional impact.

    Many adults are completely capable of having casual sex without a painful emotional impact.

  • @BlankCanvasDJ said: Many adults are completely capable of having casual sex without a painful emotional impact.

    And many think they are but end up hurt. I'm not arguing against part of your point but you're bordering on a fallacy argument.

  • Pshwah! Marriage is overrated anyway.
    (What I mean by that is that I don't see why "getting married" actually means anything to a relationship. If anything the legal side of it can even make some splits way more messy than necessary. Just a committed long-term relationship is enough to me. No need for some big ol expensive ceremony full of people you barely know or don't even like)

    But you know if that's what people feel like they need to have, then let them.

  • I didn't have a big expensive ceremony filled with people I don't know or like. We invited our friends from college (we were in college at the time) and our extended families. And we didn't spend buckets of money on the ceremony. I think we spent less than two thousand dollars on the wedding. That sounds like a lot, but everything adds up when you talk about renting tuxes, buying dresses, ordering two cakes and other snack-ish foods, ordering invitations, flowers, etc.... We had both the ceremony and the reception in my wife's church, which cost us nothing to use. We also took marriage counseling with her pastor so we got a discount on the marriage certificate.

    We had our honeymoon at a bed and breakfast in a small town off the beach in northern California, which we got to by flying Southwest Airlines (who are inexpensive) to Oakland and renting a car to drive there from the airport.

    If anything, I think we spent more money on our rings than we did on the wedding and honeymoon combined. But, part of the reason for that is because my wife wanted hypoallergenic metal, which gold is not, so we got her a platinum ring. I also got a platinum ring so that the color would match. For the record, my ring has no diamonds. Guys don't need diamonds.


    The reason why marriage is important is because it says that "I'm committed to you. Only you. I love you and I want to make a promise to you in front of the whole world how much you mean to me; a promise that I'll keep forever." My wedding ring is a sign of love and commitment to me. It's something I cherish greatly, not a ball and chain.

    Without that promise, there's nothing to guarantee that we won't be together when it's not convenient. And, despite what you might say, children benefit from having a loving mother and father. Teaching them what a loving relationship should be like is important. [edit] Yes, having loving same-sex parents who are gay is probably better than abusive parents who are straight. But I see that being a positive point to a gay couple who adopts a child rather than a child whose birth parents simply never got married or else divorced after which one parent found a gay partner. In that case, said child still craves that relationship with the other birth parent which they don't primarily live with, and they don't understand why their mom and dad aren't still together. Oftentimes, they even blame themselves for it.[/edit]

    Also, the word "husband" sounds way better than "baby daddy."


    I've been single, living on my own with a job while not in school. It's lonely. My parents were lucky enough to meet in high school and get married in college when they were only 20, so my dad has never experienced the single life, really. One day my dad asked me "I'm curious, what do single people do? I've never really been so I'd just like to know." I thought about it and replied, "single people spend most of their time trying to find a way not to be single anymore."

    Casual sex is hollow. There's no emotional investment in it. Emotional investment is important, as we humans are emotional creatures. We want people to care about us. Relationships are important to us. As far as I can see it, casual sex is just a futile attempt to fill in that hole in one's life where they want to feel loved, but there's no emotional connection, so the feelings one has in the end are hollow and sad.

    This is why "waiting for sex until after marriage" is good for a relationship. You learn what it is to be close friends with this person and to spend time with them, having fun together, without dealing with the deep feelings that come from having sex. Sex really does change the aspect of a relationship, and having it shouldn't be taken lightly.

    Marriage is important. Sex is also good, but it's far more beneficial to have it with someone whom you love and whom you know loves you and you know won't leave you after having it.

  • @Chyron8472 said: Sex is also good, but it's far more beneficial to have it with someone [...] you know won't leave you after having it.

    I never realised that meaning of the word 'wedlock' ...

    Sorry, couldn't resist and will certainly keep out of this thread hereafter. I couldn't contribute to this thread anyway with my rather troubled relationship to sexuality.

  • @Chyron8472 said: This is why "waiting for sex until after marriage" is good for a relationship. You learn what it is to be close friends with this person and to spend time with them, having fun together, without dealing with the deep feelings that come from having sex. Sex really does change the aspect of a relationship, and having it shouldn't be taken lightly.

    I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.

    Same reason it's not a good idea to get married before you've tried living together.

  • @BlankCanvasDJ said: I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.

    I'd be devastated if I found out I marred a guy with no fetishes.

  • @coolsome said: I'd be devastated if I found out I marred a guy with no fetishes.

    And who could blame you!

  • @BlankCanvasDJ said: I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.

    Same reason it's not a good idea to get married before you've tried living together.

    I waited until afterward on both those issues, and it's worked out just fine.

    When I got married, I can't tell you how happy I was. It seriously was the best day of my entire life. Getting married felt special. Even sitting here, thinking about it makes me feel good.

    Of course, if you move in together you're likely to have sex because of how often you're alone (I have hormones. I know this.) Also, having sex isn't as meaningful without emotional security. Feeling stuck with a person because they live with you so that you can't just dump them isn't emotional security. And sure, if you're already living together and already having sex, then getting married would obviously feel like no more than going through the motions for their own sake.


    I know what it was like when I was single. I was lonely and bored a lot. Also, I've been in a relationship before where my attachment made me go too far too quickly, and it was a serious mistake. I got pulled into making decisions that I regret. No, I don't have kids, but that's not really what I meant. You can go ahead and say "to each his own" but I promise you won't get the same fulfillment out of a relationship if you don't wait.


    Besides, if you don't have sex, how do you even know what your preferences are or anything anyway? Wouldn't it mean something to learn those things about yourself together with your spouse? Factoring sexual compatibility doesn't even apply when you don't even know what it is; and you and your spouse teaching each other what you do and don't like helps you grow closer together emotionally.

  • @Chyron8472 said: I waited until afterward on both those issues, and it's worked out just fine.

    Of course, if you move in together you're likely to have sex because of how often you're alone (I have hormones. I know this.) And having sex isn't as meaningful without without emotional security.

    Sure, if you're already living together and already having sex, then getting married would obviously feel like no more than going through the motions for their own sake.

    When I got married, I can't tell you how happy I was. It seriously was the best day of my entire life. Getting married felt special. Even sitting here, thinking about it makes me feel good.


    Look... I'm just saying that I know what it was like when I was single. I was lonely and bored a lot. Also, I've been in a relationship before where my attachment made me go too far too quickly, and it was a serious mistake. I got pulled into making decisions that I regret.

    You can go ahead and say "to each his own" but I promise you won't get the same fulfillment out of a relationship if you don't wait.

    It worked out for you and that's wonderful but it doesn't work out for everyone. Hell, sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest causes of infidelity.

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