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What will the dialogue sound like? Winners Announced!

posted by Strongsadioware on - last edited - Viewed by 3.9K users

This was a thread floating around before the original Poker Night released: guess and make-up some cool conversations the characters of Poker Night 2 might have. Want the TTG developers to insult your writing skills and laugh at your out-of-character writing? Post right here!

Also, as of April 3rd, the best Community Moderator to ever live, divisionten, is going to be handing out rewards to the best quips which are organized by category. The Best Overall will be rewarded with a copy of Poker Night 2! Any others that are really good for the other categories will be rewarded other Steam games. The deadline's April 15th, so make it snippy!

Remember, you've not only got the poker players, but you also have GLadOS and even the other folks at the Inventory (Moxxi, Max) at the ready. Speaking of GLadOS, let's start off:
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GLadOS: This feels like the appropriate setting for a joke. May I?
Brock: Sure.
Ash: Shoot.
Sam: Alright.
Claptrap: You can do ANYTHING, my beautiful queen!
GLadOS: ...yes, well. A group of five poker players stroll into a speakeasy, and then they get hit with neurotoxin, which invades their lungs, and makes them unable to breathe, killing them. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
*awkward silence*
Claptrap: ...I don't get it.

115 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • @ttg_Stemmle said: You know that sick, cold, cold feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you realize that there's something very important you were supposed to do, but it completely slipped your mind, like paying your property taxes or remembering your wedding anniversary?

    This is why you guys should announce the games you're working on faster. :p

    (And I have no idea how divisionten is ever going to possibly judge all these!)

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    divisionten Moderator

    @WarpSpeed said: This is why you guys should announce the games you're working on faster. :p

    (And I have no idea how divisionten is ever going to possibly judge all these!)

    With extreme prejudice.

    In all seriousness, it's only two pages in and there are a TON of awesome entries. Keep it up!

  • Losing

    Sam:Well little buddy looks like we're not gonna be able to pay for the office this week
    Max:So we're going to sleep in the Desoto? That's like the time where i was in another timeline and saved everyone from a creepy little brain who stole my body and started eating corndogs! I love corndogs!
    Sam:No corndogs this month little buddy :/
    Max:I think i'll go be Flint's partner for a month.

    Brock:Super looks like i'll have to do double babysitting as a bodyguard to get my pay this month.

    Ash:Great now i'll have to work triple shifts at S mart to pay this off.

    Claptrap: GLaDOS can i live with you?
    GLaDOS: Sure you can have 2 choices, a single platform with walls of spikes about to close in on you or the turret room where they practice their shooting.
    Claptrap: If you guys need me i'll ether be in the inventory or sleeping in the inventory's bathroom.

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    divisionten Moderator

    Just a head's up on the prizes:

    So far I've gathered (other than PN2 for the Overall winner)
    Analogue A Hate Story
    Super Hexagon (2 copies)
    Breath of Death VII and Cthulhu Saves the World
    Sam and Max Season 3
    Antichamber
    Jurassic Park
    Shank 2
    Snapshot (2 copies)
    Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery
    Solar 2
    Beat Hazard Ultra
    Dungeon Defenders
    Gemini Rue
    Sanctum (and all DLC)
    Nimbus
    Virtex Dispenser
    Hard Reset

    As it stands, each winner will get to pick two games. I might even add in another category.

  • Wait, Poker Night 2's up for grabs? Sweet, I want that! Forget I said I wasn't actually taking part :p

  • Ah, cool. This thing's really come alive.

    Brock: So, Sam. That revolver of yours. Looks like a nice piece.
    Sam: This gun and I go way back. You wouldn't believe how many scrapes it's gotten me out of! It can put holes in cheese, help me open doors, light things from far away...
    Brock: Nevermind. What about you? What's your weapon of choice?
    Ash: Well, as far as guns go, my boomstick always gets the job done.
    Brock: Boomstick. Right. Well, this is my bladeknife. I use it to cut people.
    Sam: Oh I don't need any weapons to hurt people. That's what I have Max for.
    Brock: I...uh...don't think I need to ask if you're any good in a fight, Claptrap. I mean, are you?
    Claptrap: Heavens, never! We Claptraps were created with the sole purpose of navigation aid and protocol!
    GLaDos: That's strange. A diagnostic of your programming brings up a mode called Interplanetary Ninj...
    Claptrap: Hey, are we going to play cards or what?

    ---

    Claptrap: This hand and all of its winnings are in tribute to...GLaDos! You make me straight flush!
    GLaDos: No, you're just a flop. Dealing next hand.
    Claptrap: Call me!

  • I guess this would be considered best peanut gallery.

    Brock: So this place, it was designed to not be known by the government right?
    Sam: Yeah it was.
    Brock: If so, then why is the president walking around here right now?
    Max: Even the president needs to hide from politicians sometimes. All the whining over simple things such as putting the nation in debt over some old corndogs can really get to you sometimes.

  • Sam wins things:.

    (Samson Skewer)
    Sam: Better keep it. We don't use knives anymore. Somebody gets too light-headed around all the blood.
    Max: I just find it so romantic.

    (Necronomicrown)
    Sam: Well, it's about time the Desoto got a hood ornament! Hopefully $80,000 should buy us enough duct tape.

    (Dapper Disguise)
    Sam: Hot dog! Maybe now they’ll let us back in the movie theater!
    Max: Or the bowling alley!
    Sam: Or city hall, that oil rig, the Sears Tower....
    Max: Ooh! We can go back to that bakery, too!
    Sam: And Meesta Pizza!
    Max: What about the library, Sam?
    Sam: I don't think anybody can go back there for a long, long time, little buddy.


    Brock wins things:
    (Dapper Disguise)
    Brock: Ah Jesus, enough with the faces, already. (tosses it) What is it with psychopaths and faces?

    (Necronomicrown)
    Brock: Suppose I oughta give this to my neighbor. Lonely bastard's been making S.P.H.I.N.X. pies nonstop.

    (Bloodhound)
    Brock:(patrick warburton moose growl) I RISKED 20 GRAND FOR A DOG'S HAT.

  • A Fake Introduction For Poker Night 2 (not really competing for a reward here, but just for fun)

    (you enter the Inventory, looks same as it does before...but on the inside, the elevator is...new. a silence is caused, but then you hear...)

    GLadOS: Hello, and welcome to the new and improved Aperture Inventory. I've been expecting you. I've heard of your escapades involving this game of poker here, and to save you from your most likely boring, dull, and downright depressing life, I have called you here.

    (Elevator starts)

    GLadOS: By the way, they're all dead. All those people you played poker with? Gone. I've eliminated them for failure. You succeed where they did not. Hopefully, this is a bit of a reward-slash-warning for you, as I expect you to play your best.

    (Elevator opens)

    GLadOS: Ah, I loved hearing their squeals of death, as they were shot at with turrets and poisoned with various neurotoxins-

    (Max appears)

    Max: AHHH! It's that guy who took thousands of dollars from me in a Poker game! Everyone, RUN AWAY!
    GLadOS: ...okay, so I didn't actually kill them. That is the only gift you're going to receive. The fact that they didn't actually die. You're welcome. But you will be facing new opponents. Escorting subject #5 to the Aperture Science Poker Playing Skill Testing Table #2.

    (You follow GLadOS as you enter the table)

    GLadOS: Test subjects, be advised: I am inserting a new player into the test.
    Brock: Hey. Name's Brock.
    Ash: Howdy. Ash...Housewares.
    Sam: How're you doing? It's Sam.
    Claptrap: Oh! Hi, minion! Glad to see you here! But, you look...different. You're missing all your sweet guns, you're not a steroided midget, or a girl...or are you? I can't really tell. Anyways, you know who I am, but just in case you don't, allow me to read a 2-paged autobiography about who I am that I prepared just for this poker game! I'm Claptrap, and I-
    GLadOS: All test subjects must be silent before the test begins. And must stay silent if they're also an idiot. The price you will be starting the test out with is 20,000 dollars. Don't lose it all in one place. Beginning test.

    (Game starts)

  • Sam: So, Mr. Williams...
    Ash: Call me Ash.
    Sam: Ash. Where'd you get that robotic hand?
    Ash: This thing? I had it built in the middle ages by a blacksmith. I'm just as shocked as you that it actually works.
    Max: Do you think I could get one of those?
    Sam: Max, how many times have I told you dismembering yourself isn't a good idea?
    Max: Um... 57?

    Sam: This game reminds me of the time that me and Max had to take out a criminal at a casino. I pulled up outside and as soon as I finish parking, Max jumps out, bolts inside and starts beating the guy like a mangled punching bag. It took about 30 straight minutes of broken chairs and pistol-whipping for Max to calm down.
    Brock: Jesus.
    Sam: That's not even the worst part. Have you ever been sent flying into two different sets of shelves?
    Ash: (raises hand)

    CL4P: So, Mr. Samson. What do you do for a living?
    Brock: I'm a bodyguard for two kids.
    Ash: Sounds boring.
    Brock: I also kill a lot of people. You would not believe how many cut-up, blood-stained shirts I have in my closet.
    Sam: Dangerous work, huh?
    Brock: The blood's not mine.

    Brock: So, anything happening down at S-Mart?
    Ash: Deadites roaming the aisles, blood on everything we sell, employees getting refused life insurance...
    Brock: Same old song and dance, huh?
    Ash: Pretty much.

    CL4P: (folding) This game would be a lot easier if we could use weapons.
    Sam: It would probably be a lot shorter, too.

    Sam: I've had paper clip chains that were more useful than these cards. Fold.

    Brock: (folding) If I wanted to lose a hand I'd use my knife. (To Ash) No offense.
    Ash: None taken.

    CL4P: (Raising) Time for a little Conference Call.

    Sam: (raising) I'm tapping into the US economy for this one.

    Brock: I'm going all the way.
    Sam: Don't you mean all in?
    Brock: Cram it, McGruff.

    Sam: Well, I have nothing to lose that isn't mine. I'm going all in.

    CL4P: I have money to burn and no time to lose. I'm all in!

    GLaDOs: Congratulations. You have successfully managed to make a fool out of everyone, including yourself.
    CL4P: I wouldn't mind you making a fool out of me.
    GLaDOS: Given your artificial intelligence quotient, it is too late for that.

    Brock: So, Sam. You got a lady?
    Sam: I'm not giving you a queen.
    Brock: I meant like a girlfriend.
    Sam: Oh. No, I never really took interest in women. They confuse me too much. Trying to figure out their mentality is like trickier than making a cold fusion perpetual motion machine. Honestly, I've never seen the appeal.
    Brock: You mean besides the sex?
    Sam: ... yeah, besides that.

    Sam: I could go for an Orange Julius right about now. Anyone else?
    CL4P: I don't drink.
    Sam: Why not? Does it fry your circuits?
    CL4P: No mouth.
    Sam: Oh.

    Brock: What is this place anyway?
    Sam: The inventory? It was established in the late 19th century in response to an early draft of the eighteenth amendment.
    Ash: Didn't that law get the axe?
    Sam: Even so, this place has been operating in secret ever since, just in case.
    Brock: Sounds needlessly cryptic.
    Sam: I've had a lot of experience with the needlessly cryptic.

    And I will post a lot more when I can think of some.

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