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What will the dialogue sound like? Winners Announced!

posted by Strongsadioware on - last edited - Viewed by 4.6K users

This was a thread floating around before the original Poker Night released: guess and make-up some cool conversations the characters of Poker Night 2 might have. Want the TTG developers to insult your writing skills and laugh at your out-of-character writing? Post right here!

Also, as of April 3rd, the best Community Moderator to ever live, divisionten, is going to be handing out rewards to the best quips which are organized by category. The Best Overall will be rewarded with a copy of Poker Night 2! Any others that are really good for the other categories will be rewarded other Steam games. The deadline's April 15th, so make it snippy!

Remember, you've not only got the poker players, but you also have GLadOS and even the other folks at the Inventory (Moxxi, Max) at the ready. Speaking of GLadOS, let's start off:
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GLadOS: This feels like the appropriate setting for a joke. May I?
Brock: Sure.
Ash: Shoot.
Sam: Alright.
Claptrap: You can do ANYTHING, my beautiful queen!
GLadOS: ...yes, well. A group of five poker players stroll into a speakeasy, and then they get hit with neurotoxin, which invades their lungs, and makes them unable to breathe, killing them. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
*awkward silence*
Claptrap: ...I don't get it.

115 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • Max: Oooh Sam, there's that cocktail waitress again. I don't think she will talk to me ever again, but why don't you give it a shot?

    Sam: I can't pick that up. No, seriously. I can't pick that up.

  • (player losing)

    CLAPTRAP: Good news, minion! There's a new poker game available for you at the Fyrestone Bounty Boa-what do you mean that was all the money you had?!

    CLAPTRAP: At least you lost this game for a noble cause...me!

    CLAPTRAP: Your loss will forever be remembered as "the day that guy lost to Claptrap in a poker game", and that is just awesome!
    GLadOS: Correction: you mean AWFUL.
    Claptrap: In this situation, I'm 100% sure that both of those words are acceptable.

    ASH: The important thing is that you tried, kiddo. You lost, sure, but hey, you tried.

    ASH: Look, I've seen a lot of groovy things over my career of undead slaying. But your poker playing skills are almost certainly not groovy.

    BROCK: You're lucky this isn't Tijuana Rules. You, uh...wouldn't like Tijuana Rules.

    SAM: It could have been worse...not sure how, but it could have been!

    SAM: That was the most depresssing loss since me and Max beat Leonard Steakcharmer.
    MAX: What are you talking about?! Him sobbing like a baby was hilarious!
    SAM: Hey, you're right. It WAS hilarious!

    SAM: Well, it's time for you to Hit The Road™!
    (Sam smiles, long pause as everyone gives him weird looks)
    MAX: ...really, Sam? THAT was the best "you lost" insult you could come up with?!

    GLadOS: I am giving you an F. Not just for "F"ailure, but for "F"inancially lacking.

    GLadOS: You are the most useless test subject to ever be tested on. Congratulations: you have won the award that I've never ever given ever.

    GLadOS: Thank you for participating in the Aperture Labs Card Game Intelligence Test. You are dead to me.

    GLadOS: What will your parents think? Assuming they haven't left you already from hearing your embarrassing defeat.

    GLadOS: If you begin to cry, I would like to collect your tears for a memento, as I am sure you'll never show your face in the Inventory again. Sometimes, I just like to reminisce.

  • Some more ideas.

    Ash:So Sam that gun you got, how many deadites have you killed with it?
    Sam:What are Deadites?
    Brock:They are something like zombies, i seen it in a movie.
    Sam:Well me and Max did fight zombies before...
    Ash:Me, my boomstick, my chainsaw and this robot hand is all i need to kick zombie ass.
    Claptrap:.....I could beat you minion.
    Ash: (Turns chainsaw on) Bring it on....
    (5 minutes later)
    Ash & Claptrap walk back to the table.
    GLaDOS: Scans show that the small robot got his ass kicked and almost damaged beyond repair...Needless to say i'm disappointed that Ash didn't finish the annoying thing.
    Max:Can i be your new partner?

  • Sam: I've seen worse cards, but not outside of the Holocaust Denial section at Garry's Greetings and Funerary Flowers.

    Brock: These cards are the worst thing I've seen since Space Chimps 2. (Patrick Warburton played Titan)

  • Sam: Anyone in this table making a "Dogs Playing Poker" reference gets a knuckle sandwich.

  • User Avatar Image
    divisionten Moderator

    @crfh said: Sam: Anyone in this table making a "Dogs Playing Poker" reference gets a knuckle sandwich.

    Heavy (offscreen): Sandvich? Vere?

  • @divisionten said: Heavy (offscreen): Sandvich? Vere?

    Blu Spy:Right behind you (meaning he's about to attack)
    (Heavy punches him)

  • Brock: So, how does it feel to know that your old company closed?
    Sam: Well, at first I felt sad, since they helped me and Max to release our first game, but then I remember how they kicked us in the butt to make more Star Wars games and how many games we released since I arrived here.
    GLadOS: Less talking and more playing cards. I don't have any time to waste. Well, I do have time to waste, but I'd rather use it to pump neurotoxins into this place as I bake a cake.
    Claptrap: Ooh, cake! Can I have a slice?

    Brock: Do you have any other weapons besides your chainsaw?
    Ash: Why yes I do. (Takes out shogun) This... is my boomstick! It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a match trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... You got that?
    Claptrap: Oooh… I bet you could find a better replacement at Marcus’s store.

    Brock: I'll cut the deck (Takes out his knife)

    Ash: (Losing a hand) Oh, this brings me back old memories...

    Ash: Can I cut the deck this time? (Replaces hand with the chainsaw)

    Claptrap: (Burst in flames after winning an All In) Oh yeah baby, I'm on fire!

    Sam: (Takes out his gun) Mr Smith, Mr Wesson. Glad you could make it.

    Ash: Sorry pal. Guess I got the best hand in this table.
    GLadOS: Was that an attempt at humor? Because that wasn't funny. In fact, it was so horrible it wiped out my hard drive. Luckily I have countless of backups in case of bad jokes.

    Brock: Any of you tries to touch a single chip and I'll cut it off. And the hand too...
    Ash: Too late for that, buddy (Waving his fake hand)

    Sam: I own a rabbit smarter than you.
    Brock: He must have taught you everything you know.

    Claptrap: Anyone wanna play some bridge? I got a deck of cards in here. I'll even tell you what I have. I'm betting three nil, but you should probably bid 4 spades... (Everyone ignores him) Ah come on, play with me!
    GLadOS: Shut up, you fat orphan.
    Claptrap: Oh, sorry. I didn’t notice that I had gained some weight; and how kind of you to remind me that I don’t have any parents.
    GLadOS: (Whispering) This worked better with the moron and the mute…

    Ash: (Character loses) I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the table.
    Character: Who the hell do you think you are?
    Ash: Name's Ash. (Cocks rifle) Housewares.

    Ash: (Winning a hand) Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

    Sam: Oh, this feels more rewarding than that time we destroyed an old Aztec temple after fighting through an army of ninja pirate zombie monkeys who didn't want us to get away with their golden bananas.

    Claptrap: I haven't seen so much money together in one place since that time I found two dimes inside a trashcan.

    Brock: Oh yeah, with this pot I'll finally be able to stop working as a babysitter and pay someone else to work in my place, and then I'll get paid for his work.

  • Brock: So. Sawed off shotgun? You mod that baby any?
    Ash: Modify? Nah, I don't need any frills. Give me two barrels and I'm good.
    Sam: Does it have any elemental plus slots?
    Claptrap: Haha!
    CLAPTRAP SNATCHES THE BOOMSTICK AWAY.
    Claptrap: Manufacturer: S Mart, Type: Combat Shotgun, Model: Ash's Boomstick, Element: Any ×1, Damage: 430 – 1550, Burst: 6, Accuracy: 0.0, Fire Rate: 5.2 – 7.5, Magazine Capacity: 2, Level Requirement: 15.
    Ash: Stop that!
    Brock: Level 15?
    Claptrap: I suggest an upgrade by Jakobs.

  • When Poker Night 1 was in pre-release hype we had a thread of what we thought the dialogue was going to be. Let's do it again!

    GLaDOS: {to the player} You refuse to fold even in the dawning realization of how doomed you are. You remind me of someone. She was fat so the comparison is not flattering.

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