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Joke Thread

posted by Noname215 on - last edited - Viewed by 1.4K users

On these forums, we’re all comedians, so I figured we could have a thread where we share jokes.

I’ll start.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, “What’s that there for?” The pirate says, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!"

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  • did anyone find it funny ?

    in a construction site a man suddenly looses his ear... panic ensues after an hour someone brings an ear to him :i found it ! lets get you off to hospital

    the man looks at the ear and says : nope throw it away it ain't mine..

    the excited finder looks confused : why do you think that ?

    the mine smiles and says : cos mine had a pencil in it..

  • A boxer goes to see his Doctor and says he can't sleep.

    "Have you tried counting sheep?" asks the Doctor.

    "That's no good!" replies the boxer. "Every time I get to 9, I get up!"

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    N7.

    I'm talking about Joke thread and I have no idea what the **** is wrong with you with all of this kind of none-funny jokes, Do you now anything about being funny or what?

    Today I'm gonna teach you how to be a funny person and how to tell Jokes

    Just read one of my jokes and you'll never even dare to tell any joke

    ---
    One day a poor man with a scrap car accidentally hit a very expensive car from the back. Then he began to begs towards the owner of expensive car and said he has no money to pay for the damages, after a lot of begs the owner of expensive car accepted his request and continued his way. In the next Intersection the poor man hit the expensive car from back again and he pulled his head out of window and said! Go Go it's me!
    ---

  • @N7. said: I'm talking about Joke thread and I have no idea what the **** is wrong with you with all of this kind of none-funny jokes, Do you now anything about being funny or what?

    Today I'm gonna teach you how to be a funny person and how to tell Jokes

    Just read one of my jokes and you'll never even dare to tell any joke

    ---
    One day a poor man with a scrap car accidentally hit a very expensive car from the back. Then he began to begs towards the owner of expensive car and said he has no money to pay for the damages, after a lot of begs the owner of expensive car accepted his request and continued his way. In the next Intersection the poor man hit the expensive car from back again and he pulled his head out of window and said! Go Go it's me!
    ---

    Dont talk garbage about other peoples jokes when theirs are funnier then yours IMO

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    N7.

    @Tomi021 said: Dont talk garbage about other peoples jokes when theirs are funnier then yours IMO

    What the fuck? ju ju jus just just what the fuck? :D Do you have any fucking idea who the hell I am? I'm the best English speaker the world ever faced! so yeah shut the hell off or something bad goes to happen

  • Went a little overboard there, N7.

    - What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
    You can unscrew a light bulb.

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    N7.

    @Darth Marsden said: Went a little overboard there, N7.
    .

    It's a joke thread and I was just kidding

  • I know, but it was still a little too much.

    - What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
    Wiped his arse.

  • two frog on a lilly pond:

    one says: have you heard the rumour about a woman kissing frogs and turning them in to prince's?

    the other says : no but there is a guy pretending to be a prince who likes to kiss women...

  • Oo! That reminds me of a good one.

    So a guy is out playing golf and he's not doing fantastically. He comes up to the 8th hole and is unsure about which club to use when he hears a voice coming from the nearby water hazard.

    *RIBBIT* "6 Iron" *RIBBIT*

    The man's understandably perplexed, but thinks 'what the hell' and grabs his 6 Iron. The resulting shot is an absolute blinder and lands the ball within meters of the hole.

    Blown away by this, the man decides to track down the source of the voice and finds, nestled next to the water, a frog. Reasoning that it must have been the source of the voice, the man decides to take it with him and after chipping the ball into the hole he moves on to the next hole. As soon as he approaches the tee, the frog speaks up again.

    *RIBBIT* "Three wood" *RIBBIT*

    So the man tries a three wood and BAM! Hole in one! The man can't believe his luck. And so, taking the frog with him, the man proceeds to have the best round of golf in his entire life.

    After celebrating his victory, the man decides, just for the hell of it, to take the frog to a nearby casino and see what happens. As they get to the roulette table, the frog pipes up once again.

    *RIBBIT* "Black 6" *RIBBIT*

    Figuring he's got nothing to lose, the man puts every penny he has - around $5,000 - onto Black 6. And sure enough, the ball lands directly onto that same slot. Almost instantly, he's rich.

    He goes for one more spin and again, the frog tells him the winning spin. By now he's won well over a million dollars, and he decides to call it a night, booking the most expensive room in the hotel.

    Settling down and getting ready to sleep, he looks over at the forg.

    "This is like a dream come true! I don't know how I can ever thank you for all of this!"

    *RIBBIT* "Kiss me" *RIBBIT*

    The man shrugs - why the hell not, after all it's done? - and promptly leans over and kisses the frog. In a puff of smoke, the frog magically transforms into a drop-dead gorgeous and completely naked 15 year old girl.

    And that, your honour, is how she ended up in my hotel room.

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