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Joke Thread

posted by Noname215 on - last edited - Viewed by 1.6K users

On these forums, we’re all comedians, so I figured we could have a thread where we share jokes.

I’ll start.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, “What’s that there for?” The pirate says, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!"

97 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • @Milosuperspesh said: from jokes to blue penis to vagina's and child birth..

    Actually, that joke (or variations thereof) has been around for decades. I've seen it many times and never thought about the "openings" that probably answer the teacher's question better, 'til Alcoremortis posted that. It was probably written by a man.

    ObJoke: So, have you heard about the Telltale Games Forum thread that stayed on topic?

    Yeah, neither have I.

  • This joke is pretty sick.

    Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith.

  • @WarpSpeed said: Actually, that joke (or variations thereof) has been around for decades. I've seen it many times and never thought about the "openings" that probably answer the teacher's question better, 'til Alcoremortis posted that. It was probably written by a man.

    ObJoke: So, have you heard about the Telltale Games Forum thread that stayed on topic?

    Yeah, neither have I.


    Well, my first thought was of the female opening. And then cheerio's because I was hungry.

    @WarpSpeed said: This joke is pretty sick.

    Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith.

    That reminds me of a joke from back when he was alive and in court.

    What Did Michael Jackson say to the judge?
    I would've gotten away with it too, if I didn't fiddle with those kids!

  • A group of kindergarteners gather around the teacher one day. “Okay, class, can you tell me what kind of animal this is?” She holds up a picture of a giraffe. A little girl raises her hand. “A giraffe!” She then picks up another picture, this time a zebra. Another child raises his hand, and again gives the correct answer. The teacher then picks up a picture of a deer. The room goes silent. “Alright, class,” she says, “I’ll give you a hint. It’s what your mother sometimes calls your father.” One child raises his hand. “A horny bastard!”

  • I caught some sea weed
    I couldn't kelp myself

  • There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.

    When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.

    When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.

    When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''

    He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.

    They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

    ''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.

    Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

    Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

  • A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."

    A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.

    After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."

    The man shouts, "You're on!"

    After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"

    The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

  • Following a trying day out, I grabbed a Snapple, twisted the bottle cap and discovered my inability to inspire laughter.

  • Did you hear the one about the actress who saw her first strands of grey hair? She thought she'd dye.

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