Where Are You From?

[MusicallyInspired]

Please don't take offense or think I'm being inconsiderate to the countries I haven't listed. Also, I realise that I'm listing continents and areas that include countries along with standalone countries. Again, please don't take offense. Obviously there are way too many countries to list in a poll. I was thinking about this, though, and wondering where the largest members of this forum community are from (as in, where do you live right now). I tried to single out countries I figured would have the most votes.....obviously I won't really know until this poll is filled out, but we'll soon find out. Again, my apologies if I don't list a country that has a large number of votes.

I reside in Canada myself.

[Shwoo]

You forgot Australia and there's a significant number of Australians here.

In fact you forgot the whole area, so I can't vote, and neither can anyone else from Oceania. You just posted the topic, so maybe it's not too late to fix it?

Mexico too, since it's not really considered part of Central America. Neither is the Caribbean.

[MusicallyInspired]

By golly you're right. I'm sorry. Err...I can't seem to edit the poll....is there a way? Perhaps I'll start a new thread if not. Can a mod edit polls? I knew I'd mess up somehow...

[Rather Dashing]

Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming;
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there:
Oh, say! does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In fully glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution!
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh, thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust":
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

[GinnyN]

The Countries Song! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZfIqmSx0Ws)

It's from before Hong Kong went back to China, but I'm not complaining ^^!

[Lena_P]

Any other options that should be listed?

[puzzlebox]

Guess I HAVE to vote for the UK, since I've lived here for almost 3 years now. This pretty much sums it up though:

I'm always travelling, I love being free
And so I keep leaving the sun and the sea
But my heart lies waiting over the foam
I still call Australia home (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbGuqmaDgLA)

[Hassat Hunter]

Benelux? We get piled up with the Belgians? The indignity...

(j/k)

[ChemBro]

Any other options that should be listed?

Antarctica? :o

[Leak]

Austria?

[Scrawffler]

I'm from the UK.

I think you did a pretty good job with the poll actually. Quite a lot of places are included there. I remember a few years ago seeing a "where are you from" poll in a forum and the options were something like:
UK (England)
UK (Wales)
UK (Scotland)
UK (Northern Ireland)
Ireland (R.O.I)
Europe
USA
Asia

... and I think that was it. Basically they missed out some continents, went into great detail with the UK (can't remember for sure but I think the person who created it was from Scotland) and were very vague with the rest of the world that they included.

It's interesting finding out where everyone is from :)

[Avistew]

The poll reads "where do you live" so I said Canada. But I'm from France.

[JedExodus]

Where i'm from is actually a hotly debated issue

[MusicallyInspired]

Yes I meant "where are you from" as in "where do you live". And I didn't get the poll perfect the first time throguh. I left out Oceania, Middle East, and Benelux.

[GuybrushWilco]

I'm from the USA :) I would have listed some Scandinavian countries and Australia, New Zealand and such, but other than that it looks good.

[MusicallyInspired]

I guess I forgot Greenland and such, yeah. Oceania is there now, though.

[flesk]

I'm from the USA :) I would have listed some Scandinavian countries and Australia, New Zealand and such, but other than that it looks good.

I would have listed some Scandinavian countries as well. With the other Nordic countries, it's as big as Benelux population wise, and we're big video game consumers.

[Avistew]

I probably would have put LESS options lol. Like North America instead of USA + Canada, and Western Europe, Central Europe and Eastern Europe instead of individual countries, and stuff like that.

That would have given a good idea per region. As it it "Other European country" is over Benelux, so someone from either of these three countries might answer "other European country" before they see the Benelux option, for instance.

But hey, we're not here to judge your polling skills :p

[Irishmile]

I live in the US.. more specifically I live in Wisconsin.... Home of Cheese, Sausage, the first superbowl champions, the highest amount of serial killers, and freak show murderers of any US state, I mean Silence of the lambs, TX chainsaw (despite the name) psycho where all inspired by murders in WI. We have the Mississippi River, some of the Great Lakes, some of the biggest and deepest lakes in the world... four distinct seasons... and plenty of fat people.

[Giant Tope]

I live in America. I've found that after 9 years living in western Oregon, I actually get sick if I'm in an area without a lot of trees/greenery. It's sad.

But yeah, where I live is the land of hippies, hipsters, and the smallest big city in the US. And there's a pretty cool food scene, so I'm satisfied.

[Neelo]

I live in Portugal.

[Iryon]

Benelux? We get piled up with the Belgians? The indignity...


Think positive! At least you're not piled up with the Germans.

[Hassat Hunter]

I would have listed some Scandinavian countries as well. With the other Nordic countries, it's as big as Benelux population wise, and we're big video game consumers.
I am pretty sure the Dutch population of gamers alone is bigger than that, despite being a small country.
You can't get anywhere on the nets (games, forums) without bumping in a big pile of Dutchies...

[MusicallyInspired]

I probably would have put LESS options lol. Like North America instead of USA + Canada, and Western Europe, Central Europe and Eastern Europe instead of individual countries, and stuff like that.

That would have given a good idea per region. As it it "Other European country" is over Benelux, so someone from either of these three countries might answer "other European country" before they see the Benelux option, for instance.

But hey, we're not here to judge your polling skills :p

I wanted to separate Canada and the US specifically because I live in Canada and wanted to see how many Canadians are here. I really don't know enough about global video game consuming countries to be able to list all the correct ones, though. Which I stated in the opening post.

[VeronicanPlay]

I picked Other European Country, as I come from Denmark :)

[S@bre]

God save our gracious King,
Long live our noble King,
God save the King:
Send him victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the King.

Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
and like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save the King.

From France and Pretender
Great Britain defend her,
Foes let them fall;
From foreign slavery,
Priests and their knavery,
And Popish Reverie,
God save us all.

Gotta love the ridiculously non-PC 1745 lyrics!

[Hayden]

...





<------

[Little Writer]

Can there be an option "not sure"?

:D

Benelux it is, then. I wonder what we did to come first in that acronym, by the way. I guess Nebelux sounded to SF, and Luxbene or Luxnebe are just unpronouncable.

[Jenny]

My parents and I are the only part of my family in the U.S. for some odd reason. Lived in New York my whole life.

My mother's family lives in Germany and the Netherlands, and my father's family lives in France, Spain and Switzerland. And yet they all come to us for family gatherings. :p

[PecanBlue]

I'm from Havana, Cuba, so I guess none of the ones on the list.

[Everlast]

I'm from Havana, Cuba, so I guess none of the ones on the list.

Im from puerto rico and i just clicked in central america. Please join me as im the only one who voted over there!

[Ezny]

. I've found that after 9 years living in western Oregon, I actually get sick if I'm in an area without a lot of trees/greenery. It's sad.

But yeah, where I live is the land of hippies, hipsters, and the smallest big city in the US. And there's a pretty cool food scene, so I'm satisfied.

Ewwwww no wonder I don't like you, and yes... that is sad...

Just kidding :D well mostly :o I also live in, well the same city you do apparently :eek: Oregon, but let's just say I've only been here 5 years and I'm not exactly crazy about it. You guys DO realise you're almost entirely off the rest of the contries' radar, right? so to speak. Just stop being so full of yourselve's there I said it! :p

edit: Don't take me seriously.

[Jenny]

Just kidding :D well mostly :o I also live in, well the same city you do apparently :eek: Oregon, but let's just say I've only been here 5 years and I'm not exactly crazy about it. You guys DO realise you're almost entirely off the rest of the contries' radar, right? so to speak

I know so many people from Oregon. A lot moved to NY for some reason.

[Ezny]

I know so many people from Oregon. A lot moved to NY for some reason.

Probably 'cause they didn't like Oregon for some reason... [edited, nicer version]

[Giant Tope]

Yeah, Portland ain't for everyone and it's got it's lot of issues, but its a nice small city full of interesting people. Plus the nice thing about a small place like this is that you get excited when you meet someone from the same city or see something from the town go big. It's also very green here in both senses of the word. aka I like living here.

I don't mind not being the center of attention and so I don't see how I'm being full of myself.

...wait you dont like me?

Jenny: Funny you say that. I know a lot of people round here from New York. Maybe they swapped places. haha

[Jenny]

Well maybe.... but I always wanted to visit Oregon. Many great writers live there, and it seems like a place that lends itself to a lot of imagination. The landscape looks gorgeous from photos I've seen too. Certainly seems like a nice place to vacation.

Edit:
Jenny: Funny you say that. I know a lot of people round here from New York. Maybe they swapped places. haha

Reading my reply, you're probably right! I guess Oregon and NY are two extremes, so if you live in one place for a long time you want to visit the other.

[Ezny]

I don't mind not being the center of attention and so I don't see how I'm being full of myself.


I wasn't referring to you in particular, just the people of Portland in general.

It's funny because everyone says it's all green and eco-friendly but it has just as much litter/garbage flying around in the wind as LA does... Just sayin'. Not tryin to argue with you or anything. [k PARTS of LA prob worse litter wise just sayin tho]

[Giant Tope]

I grew up in LA. Definitely a lot cleaner here. But that's besides the point. I just like living here. I don't see the problem with that.

[Ezny]

Well maybe.... but I always wanted to visit Oregon. Many great writers live there, and it seems like a place that lends itself to a lot of imagination. The landscape looks gorgeous from photos I've seen too. Certainly seems like a nice place to vacation.

Edit:


Reading my reply, you're probably right! I guess Oregon and NY are two extremes, so if you live in one place for a long time you want to visit the other.


Some of the scenery is pretty epic... But every state has epic scenery in it's own way...

Sorry I'm not trying to be a troll or anything.

[Ezny]

I grew up in LA.

Yeah me too. : \ you 'spose to be my doppleganger or something?

[Jenny]

I think west coast scenery just has a very different feel to it than east coast scenery. Everything seems to be bigger on the west coast (if that makes any sense). Although that might just be an east coast misconception.

[Ezny]

Well let's see, west coast has forests, deserts/badlands, mountains... Sure I'm leaving stuff out.
East coast has swamps, also forests, grasslands/plains, and ummm, more swamps? lol to be fair I've only been along the southern states. Not counting Oregeon and Washington of course.

You might be on to something there.

[Ezny]

I grew up in LA. Definitely a lot cleaner here. But that's besides the point. I just like living here. I don't see the problem with that.

Well I see a HUGE problem with that!!

Heh sorry I'm just messing around :D I hope I'm not being too much let me know if I am. Then again you're not exactly mr. nice guy.

I'll just shutup.

[Giant Tope]

Then again you're not exactly mr. nice guy.

lol wat

[Ezny]

ohhhhh nothing... "golly, neato." sounds pretty sarcastic to me, but like I said I don't wanna make a thing about it. You're a fan of TT, that's good enough for me.

*offers peace treaty*

[Giant Tope]

I said neato keen, but that's not important. I wasn't being sarcastic or anything. I actually say that when I find something to be cool. :<

[Ezny]

ohhhhhh yeah it sounds super sarcastic...

So, you're not going to sign my peace treaty huh? fine then... :(

[Giant Tope]

Wait, so you come up to me demonizing and passively aggressively attacking me with no real basis then ask me to sign an unnecessary peace treaty. I honestly had no beef with you in the first place.

[Ezny]

Dude calm down I don't have any beef with you either, I just thought that sounded really sarcastic and condescending because, well, it did.

I honestly lost interest a while ago so I'm just gonna say don't take anything I said personally, you just sounded sarcastic in your reply to my PM, that's all...

Sorry if you thought I had some serious problem with you or something.. : \

and if it seemed like I was demonizing you or something, I was only joking.

for the record I'm just an over-the-top person, so for the most part it's best to just take what I say with a grain of salt.

[Avistew]

I used to love Paris. So many things to do. You can go to Montparnasse, walk around, just find a theatre you like and start watching a movie (well, you have to pay. Unless you've got a monthly pass. Man, these things were neat, just over the price of two movie tickets every month and unlimited entrance.)
Here, you need to find a place that lists what moves are playing where and when, find a movie you like, look where it's playing, go for that specific time...
Argh! I don't like planning that much ahead for seeing a movie. The best movie experiences I've had where just walking into a theatre to see something I had never heard of.

Then you have all the free congresses and classes. I used to just go inside universities and sit to listen to the class. Anyone is free to watch even without registering, if you register to university that just means you get grades and stuff.

And the stores were awesome. I loved the Fnac so much. Electronics, games, books, music and movies all in the same store. And not just a few of each, a whole floor for each. Such a wonderful place to be.

And I loved being able to move how I wanted. With the month pass (50 euros a month, or 25 if you're a student, and if you've got a job you need to use transportation to go to, they pay half of your pass, too) you can use the subway, buses, tramways, boats on the Seine and Vélib', which are bikes. Although Vélib' is an extra 10 bucks but yearly. It works with the same pass though.
The pass has a chip, so you just slide it over the sensor, or if you're like me you keep it in your bag and walk in such a way that it's just read as you walk by and lets you in. Really handy.
Well, it doesn't "let you in" for the bikes since, you know, they're outside, but it lets you take one.

Anyways! I loved Paris. I couldn't see anything wrong with it. Then I went to spend a year in Canada and came back.
Now... I still love everything about Paris itself, but... When did it get that many people?!

Wikipedia says:

Paris is one of the most densely populated cities in the world. Its density, excluding the outlying woodland parks of Boulogne and Vincennes, was 24,448 inhabitants per square kilometre (63,320/sq mi) in the 1999 official census, which could be compared only with some Asian megapolis. Even including the two woodland areas its population density was 20,164 inhabitants per square kilometre (52,224.5/sq mi)

And that's ten years old. Population has boomed since then (and of course the city can't get bigger. You can just walk to the next town and not realise you're not in Paris anymore. I've done that often actually :p)

Anyway. After living in a place with less people (Canada), going back to Paris was hellish. Things I never cared about where like a nightmare. I started hating people. I really see how people who aren't from Paris all say Paris is a horrible place to live in (I mean French people. I know people from other countries see it as the city of love or something).

In a way, that makes me really sad. Now I don't really feel home in Paris anymore. And I don't feel home at all in Canada either. I don't have a home anymore :S

[Rather Dashing]

I feel bad for finding that very interesting, actually. I've never felt like I've belonged in any of the places I've lived since New York City, and I feel simply ecstatic when I go back to a major metropolitan area. Atlanta doesn't quite cut it, but Tokyo or visits back to NYC have been amazing, and I wonder how well I'll take to London when I vacation there in the summer.

Is it rude for me to ask what the average Parisian means of interaction is? New Yorkers are very "to the point", like, when I moved to the southern US I was very confused when people in the service industry asked me how my day was. It got a lot easier when I realized that it wasn't just weird service people stepping past my "personal space", but just a social convention that doesn't actually mean anything. The thing is, that sort of thing always rings as so fake. People down here always say that New Yorkers are "rude", but I always saw it as just "more sincere". People don't ask how you are unless they actually care, and there's no false cultural padding being added to everything.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this so I'm going to stop here before I offend people more than I probably already have.

[Avistew]

Is it rude for me to ask what the average Parisian means of interaction is? New Yorkers are very "to the point", like, when I moved to the southern US I was very confused when people in the service industry asked me how my day was. It got a lot easier when I realized that it wasn't just weird service people stepping past my "personal space", but just a social convention that doesn't actually mean anything. The thing is, that sort of thing always rings as so fake. People down here always say that New Yorkers are "rude", but I always saw it as just "more sincere". People don't ask how you are unless they actually care, and there's no false cultural padding being added to everything.

Oh, I hate that too. The first time I arrived at the cash register and the person said "Hi, how are you today?" I was all "Do I know you?"
I think it's really the "today" that made it the weirdest. Like she had seen me before or was expecting to see me again or something. It was just weird. I've only worked in jobs that dealt with customers and you're supposed to say "Hello" and "Goodbye", but even "How are you?" is already drifting into "invading the customer's privacy" business.
As you said, it's not like the person actually cares, so I've always found that extremely hypocritical, and there is no reason I'd want to talk about my day or personal issues with a total stranger.

Waiters here also meddle in your conversations, that's so incredibly rude! They just pop out of nowhere and comment on something you've said. In France they leave you alone unless you call them, I've always found that much more polite.

I went to New York on my honeymoon, and I can tell you, I didn't meet one rude person. Everyone was absolutely awesome, I asked for help in the street and got it, things like that. So I really don't get why anyone would say that New Yorkers are rude.

Going back to the store things, I find that even "hello" and "goodbye" are rude to me if I didn't make eye contact with the person. Kid of "I've got my eye on you, now you make sure you buy something". If I don't look at the people when I enter a store, I like when they let me "breathe", don't talk to me, don't come to me, etc. If I need help I ask for it, if I'm in a social mood I make eye contact and smile. Otherwise, if they talk to me, say "hi" as I enter the store or anything like that, I usually just go straight out again unless I had something very important to get.
I mean, just get out of my face :S I don't understand why they don't see how rude that is.
Now, I'm not saying that I avoid eye contact even at the cash register or something, I mean when you're inside a store and minding your own business. If I buy something, of course I say hi to the person at the register, and take off my headphones and stuff.

Anyway, I find a lot of things about what's rude and what isn't is entirely cultural. I know Americans tend to think of French people as rude and vice-versa, simply because what's polite in one of the to countries tends to be rude in the other.
Of course, you do get rude people everywhere.

But to go back to what I think was your original point, I do think that more populated place have more respect for someone's personal space. My theory is that it's so crowded, personal space is something very important, and when you go talk to someone in a store, you might be disturbing their only few minutes of calm this week. So it's a pretty harsh thing to do.
But in smaller or less populated areas, everyone has personal space and personal time all the time. People are more likely to crave someone to talk to, and then it become a way to make someone feel less lonely. Might be their only social contact of the week, having someone walk up to them and ask how they can help them in a store.

So I think that's what it all boils down to, really.

[GinnyN]

I was always told foreigners, when come to Chile, are always surprised of how "warm" the people is here. Which, for me, does not compute, because: 1- I think we are more cold to other people we don't know and 2- the most out of the country I been in my life is Mendoza, Argentina, which is pretty much to the other side of the Andes two steps to the east. So, I don't really know how other people is, and Argentinians from Mendoza aren't that different, mind you.

The thing I know though, the bigger the city, the faster walk the people of there. I'm from a, relative small town, and, when I went to Santiago (Chile's Capital) with my parents, we are going in the car, fast, and always the people from there are going faster. The people walk faster when you are in the street too. But, appart of that, I don't see that much difference.

We have people who said "Welcome to" in certain stores, especially the big ones. But they sound SO bored I ussually smile them back, or said hi in return. That's normally make them feel better.

[Rather Dashing]

It's more than the fact that people meddle in your business though. It's also that when people do interact with you, there's always this set of pretenses and buffers between people. People in New York, when they do interact with you, they are as other people seem to put it "blunt".

When I was growing up, I always saw it as far more rude to say something you didn't mean and to have some sort of secret resentment for someone than to just say you don't like them. I oftentimes feel like I'm now living in cardboard cutout world of appearances and pretenses. Now, it's not like these things don't exist in New Yorkers, but they generally seemed to give way in accordance to with flimsy and insubstantial they actually are.

I don't know. I don't need to like everybody. Everybody doesn't need to like me. If I have to try hard to make sure that I can feel approved by everyone, I'm going to go insane.

[Avistew]

Oh, yeah, that too I guess.
There was someone in university, whenever I talked to her, she interrupted to say things like "oh, wow!" and it was just weird. Now, the interrupting I don't mind, when you're French it's actually a big part of communication to all talk at the same time. But don't do it to say "wow!" when I only said I was going to drop by the cafeteria to get myself a sandwich.
Seriously, I always felt like she was making fun of me or calling me an idiot. Everything I said was amazing, to hear her. And she did that with everyone. That bugged me so much.

If you don't care about something, you can say "I don't care, you know." It's more polite than letting me talk without even listening. It's more polite than pretending you care and making me go into the trouble of telling you all about it because I think you're interested.
Heck, I even think it's more polite to just walk off while I'm talking than to pretend you're interested in what I'm saying when you're not.

Most people in Paris aren't going to pretend they're interested in what you're saying if they're not. Really, they probably won't talk to you in the first place if they're not interested in what you have to say. And that feels so much better. It's true that here in Canada I never know if I'm wasting my talking on someone who isn't even listening to me.
Plus interrupting each other and talking at the same time is less common, which leads me to keep wanting to say stuff but have to wait until the person is done, at which point I forgot most of what I wanted to say and I ended up not really listening to what they were saying afterwards. Which is just frustrating. I don't see why people are all "oh my got you violated me by interrupting me", it means I care enough about what you're saying to react to it.
I mean, it's not like I don't let people finish any of their sentences, or that I interrupt them to tell them they're doing things wrong before they even tell me how they're doing them.

[Rather Dashing]

Hm, maybe the idea that French people are rude mostly comes from Americans who don't live in metropolitan areas visiting Paris? The funny thing is that I identify with what you're saying about how people interact a lot more than I do with people who live not only on the same coastline, or on the same continent, but within the same borders and with the same language(more or less).

[Avistew]

Hm, maybe the idea that French people are rude mostly comes from Americans who don't live in metropolitan areas visiting Paris?

Actually, I think the idea that French people are rude mostly comes from people who have never been to France, just like the idea that American people are rude mostly comes from people who haven't been to the US.
But then there are language things, too. Like, "demander" means to ask for, not to demand. "Supporter" means to bear, not to support.
Obviously if you want to say "I'm asking you for your opinion here" and say you're "demanding" someone's opinion, or if you want to say "I'll try to be supportive" and end up saying "I'll try to bear with you", you're going to have misunderstandings and be thought of as rude.

Because I don't think people living in rural areas are that likely to travel to the other end of the world, that is, in my opinion, I don't think they would in a proportion that largely outnumbers people from the city.
Although maybe rural people end up telling everyone they know French people are rude while city people just go back home and don't talk much about their trip at all :p

[Chyron8472]

stuff about social interactions in New York versus "southern US"

Oh, I hate that too. The first time I arrived at the cash register and the person said "Hi, how are you today?" I was all "Do I know you?"


I live in Oklahoma, which is Midwestern US rather than southern, but I think there's something to be said for simple courtesy, even if it does mean asking a generic question with the expectation of a generic response. In the circumstance of someone who works for tips, it makes sense to assume that being more personable/friendly means bigger tips, but even disregarding such instances, there's nothing wrong with simply being nice.

Life is too serious already anyway.

[Rather Dashing]

Although maybe rural people end up telling everyone they know French people are rude while city people just go back home and don't talk much about their trip at all :p
It's quite possible! I've noticed that people around here are a lot happier being rude to someone ELSE about another person, rather than be rude to their face. And the hilarious thing is that it stacks, like, "I can't believe that person ____!"(someone says as soon as they were being nice to a second ago is out of earshot). And then, you know, the person listening to them will nod and agree, until THAT person is out of earshot, and so on.

Also, I don't think people in rural or suburban areas are any less likely to WANT to travel. The idea that New York(and apparently Paris) are considered "A nice place to visit, but a bad place to live" must come from SOMEWHERE. And if you're willing to cross the country to visit a city, I don't think you'd be less willing to cross an ocean, barring any ocean-centric phobias.

I live in Oklahoma, which is Midwestern US rather than southern, but I think there's something to be said for simple courtesy, even if it does mean asking a generic question with the expectation of a generic response. In the circumstance of someone who works for tips, it makes sense to assume that being more personable/friendly means bigger tips, but even disregarding such instances, there's nothing wrong with simply being nice.

Life is too serious already anyway.
By the way, the specific mention of Southern US was because, well, that's my range of experience. I can't say what it's like in the midwest, because...I've never been there!
ever
Anyway, um. Why? To me, if a waiter is efficient, that's what determines a good tip. How quickly are they going to get to me, to everybody else, from me to the rest of his/her job if they're having discussions with me, and the guy one table over, and every other person in the place? Every time, it feels like an intrusion and a lie. "You don't care, why are you asking?"

What is the point in saying "How are you?" when anything more than "Good", "Bad", "OK" or "Fine" is going to be met with resentment?

I dunno, maybe it's just the way I was raised, but it bugs me on multiple levels. It's someone getting into my space, it feels insincere, and it feels like we're wasting each others' time with stuff that obviously doesn't actually matter.

[Avistew]

Also, I don't think people in rural or suburban areas are any less likely to WANT to travel.

Not, but they might have jobs that pay less, meaning they can't afford that kind of traveling, and even if they earn the same or save the same (since these places are also cheaper to live in usually) there are less people living in rural areas than urban areas, so it would be weird if more of them are traveling.

I live in Oklahoma, which is Midwestern US rather than southern, but I think there's something to be said for simple courtesy, even if it does mean asking a generic question with the expectation of a generic response.

Well, if someone asks me "how are you" when they don't even know me it means that:
a) they actually want to know. In which case it's really on the same level (to me) as asking "Hi, did you have sex today?". It's personal and none of their business how I'm doing.
b) they don't actually want to know. They're expecting me to just say "fine", and not explain why I'm fine, and of course to lie if I'm not fine. They're putting me in a position where if I'm not fine and wants to talk about it, I need to shut up anyway or I'll be the rude one for making things awkward. They're putting me in a situation that if I'm having the worst day of my life, I'm expected to pretend I'm fine anyway. That's very, very, very rude in my book.

And really, it's just hypocritical. If you don't care if I'm fine or not, don't ask. You might think it's basic respect, I think it's basic disrespect. You meet a stranger and right off the bat you tell him "I'm gonna pretend I care about you because it's my job, but please don't actually answer my question sincerely because I don't give a sh*t."


In the circumstance of someone who works for tips, it makes sense to assume that being more personable/friendly means bigger tips, but even disregarding such instances, there's nothing wrong with simply being nice.

I'm not tipping someone who can't let me eat in peace. If I wanted to talk to people I would have brought them with me, and if I did bring them with me I don't want strangers to butt in.

Really, it's all cultural. You see it as being nice (and therefore a good idea for those who want tips), I see it as being rude (and therefore a bad idea for those who want tips).

[Will]

As someone who grew up in (relatively) rural Georgia, I have the EXACT OPPOSITE view to Avistew and Dashing. I recently spent a week back home, and the one thing I couldn't help but notice over and over is just how friendly everyone was. A warm smile and a "how y'all doin'" could instantly brighten my day, and it happened with every person I saw!

But I think it's false to say that "how are you doing" is an entirely empty question. In my personal experience, I find that more often than not they are *genuinely interested* in your well being. Had a rough day? Anything I can do to ease the burden? Get you a sweet tea? It's a very community based society. It baffles me when I live or visit someplace where people won't even look in your direction, let alone smile and hold the door for you like a polite human being.

As for the duplicity that Dashing mentioned: yes, I think it's a problem in a society where you are expected to be polite to each other. But by the same token, I don't feel like it's any less of an issue in the other societies I've lived in. It's pretty universal that sometimes people are jerks.

As for living in New York or an equally crowded place, I wouldn't want to do it. It's not for a lack of trying though. I dated a girl in NYC for the better part of a year and couldn't even consider moving there. You are constantly surrounded by people, so you have no privacy. But by the same token, everyone ignores you so it's simultaneously one of the loneliest and most isolating places I've been. I'd rather have my own space, go out and see people when I want to, and then (because I WANT to be interacting with people) be friendly and carry on a conversation with complete strangers.

[Will]

/rant

[Avistew]

I don't think our vision of things is that different, Will.
That is, if the person is genuinely asking, then that's more okay. I'm a shy person (yeah, yeah) so it's easy for me to feel that people are being intrusive and indiscreet intrusive, but I can get past that if I see they actually care.
What I don't like at all are the people who say "how are you?" when they obviously don't care at all. I hate that.

It also depends on my level of stress. If I'm stressed out I really don't want anyone talking to me, because then I have to act in a socially accepted manner, which is stressful. If they leave me alone I can sort my problems and be ready to be all social again. I just need to have my own space, I guess.

Living in Canada, then going back to France and seeing my parents again turned me agoraphobic, so I guess I have a strong reaction to that right now. It takes me so much effort to be able to go out of my apartment even though I know there will be people out there, I don't need someone ruining that by talking to me without a warning and giving me a panic attack.

I'm not some kind a super cold person, but I'm not going to open to everyone. When I like you, I'm going to be friendly, to ask how you are and actually care, to tell you things about me and stuff. But if I don't know you and you bounce on me it's just scary I guess.

I think it's important to act depending on the person's attitude. If I'm avoiding eye contact, if I have headphones on, I'm sending a message that says "please leave me alone, I need to be alone", so if you talk to me you're going against that and I feel that's rude.
On the other hand if I'm looking at you, smiling while entering your store, and you just look away and don't say anything,... well I won't think it's rude, I'll think you want to be alone so I won't talk to you, but I guess my point is that talking to me then and asking who I am, I wouldn't find that rude at all, because I kind of invited it.

[corruptbiggins]

I live in a rural area, have done most of my life and it is typical for people working in shops and the like to try and engage customers in small talk which I just find uncomfortable especially when I don't really know them (though living in a small town you do see a lot of the same faces when going to the local shops). But for me the worst is going to get my haircut at the local barbers (which, funnily enough, I happened to do today) 'cos they always want to talk and I never do but feel rude if I don't at least answer a few questions as succinctly as possible.

There is one exception that I can think of and that is a pub, especially the rural independently owned ones as that is part of the character of that type of pub.

[taumel]

I do life in Bavaria, which is a awesome country in quite some aspects, nature is beautiful with lots of lakes and mountains, great meal and beer, bright politicians, okay strike that, and dunno it's a very nice place with nice colours in the sky.

But obviously there exist quite some other places on earth which are beautiful or even more beautiful. For me personally i found out that i either need mountains or a sea for beeing happy, if both comes together i also won't complain. :O)

One thing which suprised me was when i went to Africa, especially in Egypt i first thought this looks like a complete messed up place, no green, all this dust and brown, all those unfinished buildings and so on. After some time i got used to it and liked the environment there as well and i always wanted to experience the desert.

[Alcoremortis]

I live in both northern and southern California (at different times of the year... it's like migrating) and the difference is really noticeable. In NorCal people are more likely to just talk to complete strangers and then do things like attempt to run you over when you're trying to cross the street or tailgate you on the highway. In SoCal, people don't really talk to one another but on the road most people are really polite (comparatively). It's one of the things that I noticed most.

[Jenny]

Reading everyone's responses has been really interesting. It made me think about what living next to a big city means. Everything said is true, depending upon the situation.

@Avistew The "How are you?" question bothers me to no end as well! I get the same way. When I'm having a bad day, I really don't want anyone to ask me how I am. Because saying "fine" makes me feel even worse. And going into a shop and having some salesgirl follow me around like a shadow drives me insane. I don't want her watching my every reaction to each item I look at. I notice that in larger stores the staff leave you alone, but in little stores, the salesgirl follows you everywhere. I don't shop in those stores because of that very fact. I usually end up buying most things online these days to avoid the crowds of stores. I also think the best waiter is the one who is invisible, unless you need him. No one likes being watched while they eat. And I've had situations where a waiter has come up to our table and asked how everything is, while we're chewing our food. That, to me, is the epitome of rudeness. I have to rush to swallow my food to answer him, it's ridiculous. And I've had these situations occur in both cities and rural areas of the U.S.

That aside, I live about 20 minutes outside of NYC, so I have a tree in my backyard and grass and all that. But I work in the city and most of my friends live there.

You are constantly surrounded by people, so you have no privacy. But by the same token, everyone ignores you so it's simultaneously one of the loneliest and most isolating places I've been.

A lot of people have this same reaction. And I understand it in theory, but I find NYC to be oddly friendly. At least in the last 5 years I have spent there. When you walk down the streets no one really talks to you, but quite honestly, no one would get anywhere if people were talking to each other all the time. And there are so many people, that I don't particularly want anyone to talk to me. So that works out well.

Yet, when I go into a bakery or something like that, the employees are always friendly and smiling, and they look genuinely happy. And they don't ask me "how I am," but they smile and say hello, and ask what I want to buy. And it's all rather pleasant. Sometimes they'll make a joke or comment on something and it's all very, just happy.

And although no one talks to you in the subway or on the streets generally, they do if they are genuinely confused. I have had so many people ask me directions to places. Or if I'm in a specific place or at an event, strike up a conversation (not about anything personal) but just about whatever it is we are doing/looking at/buying. I think because the city is the way you described it: a place with little privacy, so people have to ignore each other, many times you find people friendlier because of that.

Maybe it's just a matter of scouting out those people who are your type of friendly (if that makes any sense) and ignore the rest. While I suppose in a rural area, you almost have to talk to everyone, so the pleasantries are there so people don't get insulted? I have never lived in a truly rural place for an extended period of time, so I don't know.

But I'll tell you, there have been so many times that complete strangers have ended up telling me their life stories while on a line at the grocery, that I just can't believe the inhabitants of big cities aren't crying out to be sociable.

[Avistew]

I have to say again that NYC has been one of the friendliest place I've ever been in.
I was there on my honeymoon so I realise I was in a happy mood and everything (although we also had an argument, which we ended up happy about because we saw it as being officially a married couple xD) but still...

At the hotel, the guy was super nice and recommended some places we could try for eating or sight-seeing. In the streets, because I'm completely orientation-challenged I ended up being helped by at least one person every time I was outside, sometimes more than that. In restaurants and food stores, people were always smiling and willing to give me time to choose what I wanted, to make something special for me or to give me stuff without a bag, even though I could see they all thought it was weird.
At the theatre we went to watch some improv skits, we ended up talking with other people in the audience, and even chatting with the comedians.
When Ian lost his passport, it was rather painless to get it back because everyone helped us look for it.
One day there was a market in front of the hotel and we browsed it and talked to the sellers, and I didn't feel even once like they were trying to force me to buy stuff.
We went to the Daily Show and Colbert Report and talked to the people waiting in line with us, and it was all really nice.

Also, I ended up needing to use the bathroom while being out several times, and each time I entered a store and, well, for some reason 50% of them didn't have a bathroom for customers, but all of them gave me directions (and sometimes a key) to use the employee's. And I do mean stuff like having to go through several "Employees Only" kinda doors or going through the warehouse or something.

The people were nice, friendly, helpful and not in your face. I really can't equate that with Will's description of people ignoring you and making you feel alone, because that didn't happen to me at all.

[Giant Tope]

I don't see how saying "How are you?" is an invasion of privacy. 90% of the time you're just gonna say "good" and move on, but it's also a great way to share stories. My 5th grade teacher once told an interesting story about when she was going through school and as struggling financially through it. She was working as a waitress while juggling studies. One slow day, a man came in. They never knew each other prior. She asked him how was his day he answered truthfully and they started having an in depth conversation about their lives. As it turned out, this man was once in her situation, as were many, but eventually cut a lucky break and become incredibly rich. My teacher and the stranger had such a wonderful conversation and discussion about their lives, that come time to leave, the man had tipped her 1000$. Not to say that we should exploit people with false kindness and niceties, but rather that there are so many people we dismiss on such a simple basis that we can learn so much from.

That and saying "how are you?" is just second nature in some cultures. Its like getting mad at the Japanese for asking you to take off your shoes before entering their homes.

[Avistew]

I was reading about that the other day, actually, it's funny.

The thesis was that questions like "How are you?", while giving the pretense of opening a conversation, are actually trying to close and direct it. They are so formated that right away, you answer "fine, thanks" (or, in French, "yes") before you have time to realise the person has asked you how you are.
Then it's over. It's done. They did it, they asked, phew, no need to talk about it anymore.
While people who actually do want to know how you are are more likely to ask questions that are more specific. "How was your trip?" or "Is your girlfriend doing better?" or "Did you end up finishing your homework okay?"
Because these questions tend to require longer, more detailed answers, and because you are less likely to answer automatically and be "trapped" having answered.
Another thing is repeating the question. Like "How are you? Everything fine?" either in a row like that or after you answered the first time, giving you a change to answer honestly now that you've realised what question was asked to you.

Once you have said "fine" or "yes", depending on your language, you're pretty much stuck, especially with a stranger. It will be awkward if you go "well, actually, no, I'm not fine", and if you do master the courage to say that, you're going to be the one who brought it up, the one to blame. The person who asked will just be a poor victim you're dumping your problems onto.

I thought it was really interesting. Although I don't think anyone who asks "how are you" is really just trying to get it over with and some people are interested, it's true that you can tell the difference between the people who barely even pause for an answer and those who really want to know. They don't ask in the same way.
And on the Internet, for instance, people pretty much start with "what's up?" and "how are you?" but then they're going to ask more specific questions if they care. "Which plush are you working on?" or "Did you finish Trogdor?" or something for instance.

Anyway, I thought it was really true that in a lot of cases, asking "how are you" off the bat like that is a way to make sure people won't bring up their problems in the conversation, so in a way asking "how are you" is a way to make sure people don't tell you how they are.

[GinnyN]

When you meet someone, the usual thing here is say "Hello! How are you?" as part of the greeting. Sometimes I add "How everything going?" and then you can come up with a ton of funny stuff.

I felt Will reaction sometimes, mostly because you, when you are in a place with not too much personal space, become more careful about your personal space, then ignore the other people mostly for protect it. And, I had been in a place with a lot of people and felt alone. I always attached that, though, to think I'm really bad at relationships with people I don't know (I'm really shy and quiet with people I don't know. I always try my best but it's difficult), but I like to be with happy people, even I don't know anyone.

Once though, I was in University, in a change of semester. My University is pretty known to be difficult and for been ones of with the biggest student-droping rate in Chile, so, I was used to most of the people just dissapear in a change of semester. This time, though, I seriously notice there were less people than ever. And that was weird...

[Rather Dashing]

As someone who grew up in (relatively) rural Georgia, I have the EXACT OPPOSITE view to Avistew and Dashing. I recently spent a week back home, and the one thing I couldn't help but notice over and over is just how friendly everyone was. A warm smile and a "how y'all doin'" could instantly brighten my day, and it happened with every person I saw!

But I think it's false to say that "how are you doing" is an entirely empty question. In my personal experience, I find that more often than not they are *genuinely interested* in your well being. Had a rough day? Anything I can do to ease the burden? Get you a sweet tea? It's a very community based society. It baffles me when I live or visit someplace where people won't even look in your direction, let alone smile and hold the door for you like a polite human being.
I'd like to clarify, first, that this post isn't confrontational, and I don't even see this as a debate, friendly or otherwise, but just an exchange of experiences and perspectives. I've noticed that bringing this sort of thing up with southerners sometimes leads to very negative reactions, and I don't mean to make anybody angry.

Now, I mean, you say you get a greeting from everybody you see, but why would somebody want that? I don't know, it comes off to me as an obligation at that point. Like, you have to do this, and you have to make sure that you say something really short so that you don't

I don't know, how much do you think people actually care? I've noticed that people have asked "How are you?" and then proceeded to walk past me as I answered. This is not an uncommon or single occurrence either, it's something that happened a lot while I was still trying to figure out why people did this thing that was so weird and in my face.

And if everybody's asking you how you are, even if everybody cares all the time, is it something special anymore? I mean, there's nothing distinct about being asked about your day, and if it's something everybody does with everybody else you have to worry about wasting their time on an exchange that is intended to last a maximum of 5 seconds per person.

As for the duplicity that Dashing mentioned: yes, I think it's a problem in a society where you are expected to be polite to each other. But by the same token, I don't feel like it's any less of an issue in the other societies I've lived in. It's pretty universal that sometimes people are jerks.
I know that people will say one thing to your face and another behind your back a lot of the time, but it just feels so much more prevalent in places where keeping up appearances and being "nice" and "polite" are considered huge priorities. I'd prefer for the people who don't care to ignore me, for the people who dislike me to just say that they don't, because then you know where you're standing with people, and your amicable relationships are actually with people who want to know what you're up to, and you can get about your day without wasting your time and getting distracted by meaningless pleasantries.

As for living in New York or an equally crowded place, I wouldn't want to do it. It's not for a lack of trying though. I dated a girl in NYC for the better part of a year and couldn't even consider moving there. You are constantly surrounded by people, so you have no privacy. But by the same token, everyone ignores you so it's simultaneously one of the loneliest and most isolating places I've been. I'd rather have my own space, go out and see people when I want to, and then (because I WANT to be interacting with people) be friendly and carry on a conversation with complete strangers.
Huh. That's never how I saw life in New York. People don't "ignore you" intentionally so much as everybody has their own things to do, and why should everybody be personally interested in everything you do?(I should probably be using the "I" pronoun, come to think about it, because using "you" feels accusatory, especially in that last sentence). The thing about that is, though, when you want to talk to people, you can easily put yourself in a context in which that's acceptable. You don't need to have every shopkeep and neighbor and person who happens to occupy a similar physical space to start up a conversation with you, because it's New York City. There are a million ways and places to socialize. And the thing is, if you have a reason to talk, and you show an interest in what you or other people are saying, people generally aren't rude about it. New Yorkers love to talk, they express their opinions about everything, it's just that you generally aren't saying something to every person on the street because there are literally hundreds of people within your field of vision in every direction.

It just feels like, in a major metropolitan area, you get more real conversations and less time bogged down by pleasantries.

[JedExodus]

Where i'm from people just talk to each other no matter what, that's just the way it is and it's the way I like it :)

[GinnyN]

Now, I mean, you say you get a greeting from everybody you see, but why would somebody want that? I don't know, it comes off to me as an obligation at that point. Like, you have to do this, and you have to make sure that you say something really short so that you don't

I don't know, how much do you think people actually care? I've noticed that people have asked "How are you?" and then proceeded to walk past me as I answered. This is not an uncommon or single occurrence either, it's something that happened a lot while I was still trying to figure out why people did this thing that was so weird and in my face.

And if everybody's asking you how you are, even if everybody cares all the time, is it something special anymore? I mean, there's nothing distinct about being asked about your day, and if it's something everybody does with everybody else you have to worry about wasting their time on an exchange that is intended to last a maximum of 5 seconds per person.

Ok.. I think I get your point, but I can't see how Remind I care about someone has to be something special. I feel that has to be done all the time. Because caring it's something important and something need it.

In small towns, pretty much every one knows every one and they care, even a little, about those people. In biggest cities in exchange, it's like all the people always change, but at the same time, it's so many people and then you know no one. Since you don't really know any one, you feel alone. You can become used to be alone, talk with people about stuff, but never really care about it. But people who are used to be cared and care about the guy who lives next to you, need those things back.

It's difficult to explain it, in fact, because you can grow used to be cared and you can grow also used to be cared just of selected people. But I feel here I can go and ask to normal person and they will help me, but in a big City I don't feel the same. I felt, when I was in Santiago (The nearest thing to a big city we have here) people felt alone and that's why everytime I asked them how they are, they felt somewhat pleased, for real. Like, they were waiting to someone to ask them THAT. In small towns, they already have it and they seem less like they need it. So, in big cities, that become special, but in small towns, that's normal. And I think is that the way it has to be, normal. People here has an smile, a real smile. Unlike there, in the Big City, they seem they have a frown. Most of the time. At least for me.

[Remolay]

Gotta love the ridiculously non-PC 1745 lyrics!

Out of curiosity, what are the ridiculously PC today lyrics (besides replacing every instance of King with Queen

[Rather Dashing]

I don't know where you get the idea that you "don't really know anyone" in city life. Are "city folk" not allowed to have friends? :S

[JedExodus]

I don't know where you get the idea that you "don't really know anyone" in city life. Are "city folk" not allowed to have friends? :S

In the city friends are just people you have so you don't have to drink your fancy frappucinos alone. You city slickers bring the bile up the back of my throat...

OJ!

[Avistew]

I don't know where you get the idea that you "don't really know anyone" in city life. Are "city folk" not allowed to have friends? :S

I wondered about that too. Because the way I see it, if you want to be left alone, you can, and if you want to go out with friends, it's easy too, and if all your friends are busy, it's easy to meet new people, as well.

I wonder if it's because the people who say that tend to have grown up in smaller places. When they move, they don't know anyone, and it's overwhelmind so they don't know how to meet people. Or something.
Because I can tell you, I've been here for a year and I don't have a single friend. And when I spent a year in Edmonton? Didn't make one friend.

But in Paris, I still have friends there, some I met while in high school, some I met while in university, some I met after I dropped out. While being the time period, not how I met them.
My point being that my friends aren't all childhood friends, you meet new people easily. You might think "there are lots of people so you don't know where to look" or something, but here there are so few people that you either settle for people I'd never want as friends in a million years, or you don't make friends at all.
I didn't have many friends in Paris, but there were more people to choose from, therefore more great people overall. I don't think the proportion is higher than anywhere else, but 1% of the Parisian population is much more than 1% of littlesmalltownvillage.
And there are more activities prone to meeting new people. Here there is only one theatre (of the "movies" kind, none of the other), no bowling alley or pool/arcade place, no congresses where you can meet people interested in the same stuff you like, etc, etc.

Really, I've made more friends on the Internet than in this town, and I don't expect that to change because by now I've met everyone.

I never felt lonely in Paris. If I wanted to be alone, people left me alone. If I didn't want to be alone, I dropped someone a line and we went to grab a movie or go skating or play videogames at each other's place. If for some reason I didn't want to see my existing friends, I always had places to go where I knew I could talk to people and maybe make some new friends.

You just have more choice and more stuff to do. It's so dead here I end up spending most of my time online now.

But as I said, now I'm also stressed out by crowds. So that means I don't like either big cities or small towns. I guess I'd need something in the middle. If I absolutely had to choose between the two though, that would be big city. Access to everything I might need or want is definitely more important than avoiding crowds, phobia notwithstanding.