Online dating can kiss my @$$!!!

[Lonnie]

I was encouraged to try it out, paid for a months subscription, and....yeh. Waste of bloody time.

this one chick told me she didnt reply to me the first time because I just said "hi how are you?" I replied "well, what do you expect, a novel?" Because most of the time no one ever replies, or if they do, its just, 'fine' 'good' or 'not bad'. No hint of a conversation anywhere.

I'm tired of reading all the expectations on people's profiles.

Then theres the idiots on there who are just looking for freinds. Then piss off of the website then as its a DATING website.

So bollocks to online dating, its a joke. I'd rather meet someone in person or try my luck in the real world.

Oh and in the past I did meet up with about 3 women on different occasions. Not one of them looked like they did in their photos and 2 of them were complete weirdo's.

I'm basing my experience on the lack of human contact on that website, and the others I've tried. "Hey lets make an account and reply with 2 word sentences!!! YEEH!!!"

Rant over I guess.

[DAISHI]

I've never had luck on dating websites but had several wonderful girlfriends I met through message boards.

[doodo!]

My theory is look for some one flawed that you accept who they are as a person, without seeing their flaws. Of course people can make mistakes. I mean this compatibility shit, the I don't have enough chemistry and all that jazz...I'm not saying that two people with nothing in common can be together, but I'm sure that it's possible for two very different people to fall in love. If they accept one another and still are attracted to one another, and respect one another and "love" one another.(I wish I knew what it truly meant to love a woman :D)

That's the topic I wanted to ask earlier but never did, I think...

The topic, about compatibility versus chemistry.

[Irishmile]

Its easy. I will help.. Some great places to meet women are bookstores....

Step one.
spot girl

Step two.
talk to girl

Step three.
if it seem she is someone you could like ask her out for dinner, do not go to a movie because you will not be able to talk during one... take her bowling or mini golf something like that.... Second date take her to a movie or live theater.

Step four..
if the date didn't go very well... start over at step one.

This is important... learn to have a thick skin and not take rejection personally... realize that despite all your good qualities you'll just not be what people are looking for... Remember when that happens to you, you'll have done it to someone else.. Its just human nature.

Do not get discouraged.. unless you're super attractive you WILL get turned down.. girls get hit on a lot more than guys so they have the benefit of being picky.

DO NOT use stupid pickup lines... they're lazy and girls do not find them as clever as we do.

[Falanca]

All boils down to personality to be honest. To me the main problem isn't the environment being virtual, the main problem is that the site's main purpose is to match people. When being matched is the only thing a person's expecting to happen, they always resort to cheap tactics and act like someone who they are not. This also happens in IRL parties, everyone tries to act cool and buys the most expensive drink and shit like that. The only reason why people don't flame that like they flame online dating is that if they play their cards right they can score with the chick in the very same day. Having a sex body count is corny and meaningless so I find this as stupid as online dating sites.

Back to the point I was trying to make; like Samuel L Jackson says, personality goes a long way. Make people know who you are, what you like and how you react to your surroundings. Don't try to be carbon copies of douchebags. In this way you can even find a significant other while playing an MMORPG. Sure, yes, that kind of games are full of Guys-In-Real-Life, but I know more than just one couple, living happily as we talk, whose first meeting was in a machine forest surrounded by high quality sparkly sword sellers and tree monsters.

[joek86]

Just walk up to a girl and ask "Would you mind eating a free meal with me?" If she says no, then it was not meant to be, if she says yes move on to question 2 "How about seeing a free movie?"

[doodinthemood]

"excuse me, does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

[Lonnie]

"excuse me, does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

hahahahahahahaaha.

[Lonnie]

I've never had luck on dating websites but had several wonderful girlfriends I met through message boards.

Internet gf's or gf's you met in person too?

[Lonnie]

Its easy. I will help.. Some great places to meet women are bookstores....

Step one.
spot girl

Step two.
talk to girl

Step three.
if it seem she is someone you could like ask her out for dinner, do not go to a movie because you will not be able to talk during one... take her bowling or mini golf something like that.... Second date take her to a movie or live theater.

Step four..
if the date didn't go very well... start over at step one.

This is important... learn to have a thick skin and not take rejection personally... realize that despite all your good qualities you'll just not be what people are looking for... Remember when that happens to you, you'll have done it to someone else.. Its just human nature.

Do not get discouraged.. unless you're super attractive you WILL get turned down.. girls get hit on a lot more than guys so they have the benefit of being picky.

DO NOT use stupid pickup lines... they're lazy and girls do not find them as clever as we do.

Thanks. Are you female by any chance?

I don't get offended or upset if i'm turned down, It actually relieves me then I don't have to think about that woman anymore and move onto the next target...I mean prey...I mean woman.

I gave this chick I like my number to her freind to give her as I had no chance to see or give it to her at work today. Usually we have the same break times but I've moved position and now we don't. Apparently she was asking about me today hehehe but watever I bet she doesn't txt meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! LOL.

[Lonnie]

All boils down to personality to be honest. To me the main problem isn't the environment being virtual, the main problem is that the site's main purpose is to match people. When being matched is the only thing a person's expecting to happen, they always resort to cheap tactics and act like someone who they are not. This also happens in IRL parties, everyone tries to act cool and buys the most expensive drink and shit like that. The only reason why people don't flame that like they flame online dating is that if they play their cards right they can score with the chick in the very same day. Having a sex body count is corny and meaningless so I find this as stupid as online dating sites.

Back to the point I was trying to make; like Samuel L Jackson says, personality goes a long way. Make people know who you are, what you like and how you react to your surroundings. Don't try to be carbon copies of douchebags. In this way you can even find a significant other while playing an MMORPG. Sure, yes, that kind of games are full of Guys-In-Real-Life, but I know more than just one couple, living happily as we talk, whose first meeting was in a machine forest surrounded by high quality sparkly sword sellers and tree monsters.

Maybe thats the problem, I am ME. But hey if they are not interested in knowing me then vice versa.

[DAISHI]

Internet gf's or gf's you met in person too?

We met in person and began dating.

[Woodsyblue]

I'm doing a subject this semester called 'Rethinking Jane Austen.' The gender ratio is four guys (including myself) to over forty girls :D

However that had no influence on my decision to take the class >_> <_< >_>

[divisionten]

Lonnie:
Dating is tough, man. But you can meet someone awesome anywhere you go. Like irishmile says- don't ever be afraid to go up and talk to somebody, and don't get discouraged when you're turned down. Unless they have a ing on their (right ring) finger, you have no idea if they're in a relationship, or what they're like. Rejection is a part of the game, and it will happen, believe me.

On a different note, and don't take it personally- please do the boards a courtousey and use the edit button and add in what you want to say if no-one's replied yet. Multiple pots clog up the boards and can create zombie treads. Zombies may be cool, but zombie threads aren't.

[Vainamoinen]

Thanks. Are you female by any chance?

Irishmile is a manly, married man with two... oh wait, THREE kids, twin girls and one boy? Am I right?

BTW, Lonnie, you can multiquote people by using the "+" button on the lower right of posts. No need to post four times. ;)

[doodo!]

My friend says chicks are stupid. You have to say the right thing at the right time.

My other friend says chicks are stupid,
can't understand normal thinking...

My third guy friend says chicks are...

*sighs*

It's true, so many women just can't CHILL OUT. You go to talk to them and it's so INSANE. It's like are you trying to pick me up ARE YOU ARE YOU!!! :D

Or it's like you never made a move *BEEP YOU!*

Seriously, why can't chicks just calm down, relax, hang loose? It's always some sort of big deal to them. Guys can hang out, calm down, Chillax...

Every damn woman I talk to makes it difficult to talk to her because she's either playing some game, being moody. bossy, or something...

There's the honest, dark hearted truth from your friend, man...

Irishmile is a good man, I won't have any one say anything less about him.

[Joop]

Don't sweat it, Lonnie.
When you're dating you're wishing you had a girlfriend. When you've got a girlfriend you miss the thrill of dating.
Enjoy it while you can. :D

[ShaggE]

I've never had luck on dating websites but had several wonderful girlfriends I met through message boards.

Seconded. One forum I went to a few years back might as well have been a dating site, the way we were all pairing off. I ended up meeting no less than three women there. (that sounds player-ish, but it just kind of happened naturally for the first and third, and we are still good friends. The second was the only one I actively sought after, and the breakup was so devastating that I still haven't shaken it off completely. All three were fantastic while it lasted, though.)

[RetroVortex]

Bah! Relationships are for the WEAAAKKKK!!! XD

But seriously, I don't see what the big deal is about all these dating things.

Why are some people really that desperate to go actively seeking physical and emotional parter to maintain some kind of personal stability?

I guess if one has never been in a relationship before, then one can't really know how the experience feels.

Not that I wouldn't want to give dating and relationships a go, I'm just afraid I wouldn't gel with anyone (as I am a very strange individual, plus I have odd tastes. Most of the women I ever fancy are either strong willed or smart, but still moderately attractive, normally blond. 90% of those are normally very happy dominating their dopey partner (trust me they are ALWAYS dopey skinny gits, that basically do everything for their girls at the snap of a finger)).

But I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I've gone this long without a female companion, I don't desperately need one.

Besides, I always chicken out just before I ever tell a girl I like what I think about them anyway, (Oh logic, you can be such an encumberance sometimes...).

I think part of my attitude must have something to do with my childhood.
I remember I was relentlessly stalked and teased by a girl I fancied.

I was never sure if her advances were just a joke or were genuine, but I obviously assumed the former, and never asked her out out of fear of embarrasment.
(Plus I was bullied back then, and something like this could have made it much worse, so I was extra cautious!)

Just thinking about it gives me a headache, even now! Xp

[Giant Tope]

It's true, so many women just can't CHILL OUT. You go to talk to them and it's so INSANE. It's like are you trying to pick me up ARE YOU ARE YOU!!! :D

Or it's like you never made a move *BEEP YOU!*

Seriously, why can't chicks just calm down, relax, hang loose? It's always some sort of big deal to them. Guys can hang out, calm down, Chillax...


Have you considered the fact that you might be a part of the problem instead of blaming an entire gender? That or you just have had bad luck. Or you're overreacting.

[Comrade Pants]

Online dating that you have to pay for is, in and of itself, something of a scam. I'd link you to an article I read showing some very interesting numbers to that effect, but I think it's down now. Anywho, just go to OkCupid. It's free and has produced results for me in the past. Mediocre results, sure; but I chalk that up to living in Georgia.

[Falanca]

Have you considered the fact that you might be a part of the problem instead of blaming an entire gender? That or you just have had bad luck. Or you're overreacting.

I'd like to blame a majority of humanity by their way of thinking rather than blaming a type as a whole by their hormonal and bodily structure. Blaming an entire gender for your own failure is wrong but I wouldn't say blaming a majority is a wrong way of criticizing.

[JedExodus]

Have you considered the fact that you might be a part of the problem instead of blaming an entire gender? That or you just have had bad luck. Or you're overreacting.

Did you ever consider that all girls are evil? See fig. 1

http://www.anvari.org/db/fun/Gender/Proof_that_Girls_are_Evil.jpg

[Giant Tope]

I know that's a joke, but couldn't the same be said for guys? :p

[Irishmile]

Yeah women are not all that different from men... we all want to be respected and cherished by the other..

[Comrade Pants]

I know that's a joke, but couldn't the same be said for guys? :p

Guys typically don't expect women to pay for dinner and stuff for them... unless they're douchebags. Just saying.

[doodo!]

Have you considered the fact that you might be a part of the problem instead of blaming an entire gender? That or you just have had bad luck. Or you're overreacting.

Not likely, chicks probably get emotional and attach feelings early on and take things too seriously. So, when you're talking to them and you don't make them feel beautiful/ attractive, they get all insecure and starting eating tubs of ice cream and spend the night crying on the bed because they have a exam tomorrow and the tough girl act is wearing thin and their stressed want a man there to hold them and make them feel good about their selves...

Yeah women are not all that different from men... we all want to be respected and cherished by the other..

Irishmile, the grown gentleman. Seriously, I respect what you say.

Whatever man, if you say so about women, though...They seem a bit more on the heavy side of things if you ask me.

[Giant Tope]

Guys typically don't expect women to pay for dinner and stuff for them... unless they're douchebags. Just saying.

...And what makes women not douchebags for expecting guys to pay for their dinners?


Not likely, chicks probably get emotional and attach feelings early on and take things too seriously. So, when you're talking to them and you don't make them feel beautiful/ attractive, they get all insecure and starting eating tubs of ice cream and spend the night crying on the bed because they have a exam tomorrow and the tough girl act is wearing thin and their stressed want a man there to hold them and make them feel good about their selves...

Wow. Holy shit.

You should stop sourcing your information about women from movies and tv.

[Comrade Pants]

...And what makes women not douchebags for expecting guys to pay for their dinners?

Absolutely nothing. That's just being proper. Tradition, and all that. Fact is that going by the joke equation, guys are only half evil. Still baring in mind that this is a joke, mind you. So the same could not be said for men.




Wow. Holy shit.

You should stop sourcing your information about women from movies and tv.

That's what happens when people have never been on dates and are forced to use TV to learn about ladies. :P

[doodo!]

...And what makes women not douchebags for expecting guys to pay for their dinners?




Wow. Holy shit.

You should stop sourcing your information about women from movies and tv.

I might argue it's actually science. The tub of ice cream, hormones...the motherly instincts...the need to be a mother, etc etc. I'd say it's likely of most women that they are in fact this way and so when you don't find them attract, they get jealous, or spite you.

[Giant Tope]

Absolutely nothing. That's just being proper. Tradition, and all that. Fact is that going by the joke equation, guys are only half evil. Still baring in mind that this is a joke, mind you. So the same could not be said for men.

And.. if a woman is chivalrous towards a male so, the guy's being a douchebag?

I might argue it's actually science. The tub of ice cream, hormones...the motherly instincts...the need to be a mother, etc etc. I'd say it's likely of most women that they are in fact this way and so when you don't find them attract, they get jealous, or spite you.

You know, you keep talking about having woman troubles. The fact that you think of women this way and using a veil of pseudo science to justify it only tells me why you have such troubles.

[Comrade Pants]

And.. if a woman is chivalrous towards a male so, the guy's being a douchebag?

Men typically make 10% more in their lifetime then women do. This is obviously unfair. Therefore, it makes more sense to expect men to follow tradition and just pay for the goddamn date. I have never asked a woman I've dated to pay for anything. It's just bad form.

[JedExodus]

I have never asked a woman I've dated to pay for anything. It's just bad form.

Pretty much this, it's just not done like

[Giant Tope]

Circular argument, my friend. The reason why men make more than women is because they are the expected head of the household while women are more typically viewed as making extra income. If you keep spreading traditions like this, things will never change.

I find it a bit bizarre that some guys complain about "wasting" money on their girlfriends. Then they insist on being the sole payer of excursions.

[doodo!]

I'll tell you what was taught to me by my guy friends.

A. Ugly chicks, needy, jealous.

B. Pretty chicks, normal sane chicks, most date-able material, slightly jealous at times. Best type of chick to date.

C. Hot chicks, crazy chicks, just crazy chicks...

[Secret Fawful]

What's ones view on sitting down at a table where a man or woman is sitting, ordering a ton of food, eating it all while ignoring them, then leaving them with the check.

[Giant Tope]

I'll tell you what was taught to me by my guy friends.

Maybe you and your friends should stop women like different entities. That fixes a lot of problems.


What's ones view on sitting down at a table where a man or woman is sitting, ordering a ton of food, eating it all while ignoring them, then leaving them with the check.

Stupid. Whenever I'm on a date or whatever, I pay for my own things. Occasionally when I'd be low on cash, they'd pay for me, but I'd do the same for them.

[doodo!]

What's ones view on sitting down at a table where a man or woman is sitting, ordering a ton of food, eating it all while ignoring them, then leaving them with the check.

Brilliant!

[JedExodus]

Circular argument, my friend. The reason why men make more than women is because they are the expected head of the household while women are more typically viewed as making extra income. If you keep spreading traditions like this, things will never change.

I would like to see the look on a girls face when I suggest she pay for the meal in the name of gender equality. Anyway, I doubt who pays for dinner is what's keeping women down really at the end of the day

I'll tell you what was taught to me by my guy friends.

A. Ugly chicks, needy, jealous.

B. Pretty chicks, normal sane chicks, most date-able material, slightly jealous at times. Best type of chick to date.

C. Hot chicks, crazy chicks, just crazy chicks...

Nonsense

[Secret Fawful]

Brilliant!

I knew it! My test has caught one!

[doodo!]

Jump through hoops, tell jokes, get some muscles...smell nice, dress up, smile alot.

Say the right things at the right time but NOT THE WRONG...

[Secret Fawful]

Well, you'd not get a date with me that way.

[doodo!]

Well, you'd not get a date with me that way.

What if I put you and a dress and take you out dancing?

[coolsome]

tell jokes, get some muscles...smell nice, dress up, smile alot.



http://starsmedia.ign.com/stars/image/article/841/841564/dark-knight-joker-close_1197658250.jpg

[Secret Fawful]

What if I put you and a dress and take you out dancing?

I'd rather you just took the dress out and leave me out of it.

[doodo!]

I'd rather you just took the dress out and leave me out of it.

That's the first time I've ever been rejected by a man before...:eek:

:D

[Giant Tope]

I would like to see the look on a girls face when I suggest she pay for the meal in the name of gender equality.

I wouldn't care. People should pay for themselves, or at least try to switch off who should pay for who.

Anyway, I doubt who pays for dinner is what's keeping women down really at the end of the day

In a sense, it is. The main underlyer behind this is the concept that women can't fend for themselves. I understand that this may not be your intentions. This is an old concept that sorta dug itself deep into society and we need to get rid of it. I get generosity and all that, but don't just do it because they're a lady date. I expect women to do so as well.

Being in a situation where you're a lady dating ladies, the whole idea that an individual of a certain gender is automatically assigned paying duty for another person of a different gender is just foreign and strange to me.


Jump through hoops, tell jokes, get some muscles...smell nice, dress up, smile alot.

Say the right things at the right time but NOT THE WRONG...

You're trying too hard.

[Scnew]

I'll tell you what was taught to me by my guy friends.

A. Ugly chicks, needy, jealous.

B. Pretty chicks, normal sane chicks, most date-able material, slightly jealous at times. Best type of chick to date.

C. Hot chicks, crazy chicks, just crazy chicks...

What grade are you and your friends in?

[Secret Fawful]

I know some women who are so stuck on tradition they wouldn't go out with a guy unless he doted on them how every guy doted on a woman in the 1800s. It's honestly ridiculous to me.

[doodo!]

What grade are you and your friends in?

High quality...




You're trying too hard.


Apparently, I'm not trying hard enough...

[Falanca]

I'll tell you what was taught to me by my guy friends.

A. Ugly chicks, needy, jealous.

B. Pretty chicks, normal sane chicks, most date-able material, slightly jealous at times. Best type of chick to date.

C. Hot chicks, crazy chicks, just crazy chicks...

Do you live in Jersey shore? Or there is another hellhole in this universe where guy friends make completely idiotic generalizations and definitions, disregarding and disrespecting humanity's improvement on socializing and philosophy of human ethics and communication?

[Secret Fawful]

High quality...

He's in the best preschool in the entire ghetto.

[Giant Tope]

I know some women who are so stuck on tradition they wouldn't go out with a guy unless he doted on them how every guy doted on a woman in the 1800s. It's honestly ridiculous to me.

I wonder how many of them realized that all that dating stuff in the victorian era was all about class and status?

[Secret Fawful]

I wonder how many of them realized that all that dating stuff in the victorian era was all about class and status?

They want the benefits without the intentions.

[Falanca]

*awesome picture*

Is that Harley-vision?

[doodo!]

He's in the best preschool in the entire ghetto.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/peat/images/big-gangsta-izzy-two.jpg

This is a picture taken of me just today ^...

[Giant Tope]

Apparently, I'm not trying hard enough...
*sigh*
You're trying too hard.

They want the benefits without the intentions.

There's too much unrealistic expectations in the dating world. It's silly, no?

[doodo!]

Yeah, it's silly. It's stupid, that's why so many people feel like they are defective or something and have to use these web sites. A large group of people don't even know how to go about dating....

It's silly, it's a joke, so are many of our lives...it's stupid.

[Falanca]

I'm still trying to deduce whether doodo is frustrated about dating a girl just for dating, or having someone to love.

Because dating a girl for just because is a corny bullshit of a human act, where neither of the two people actually gives a crap about the other one although ironically it's still considered "being a couple".

[puzzlebox]

... I don't even know where to begin with this thread.

[Giant Tope]

i kno rite

[doodo!]

I'm still trying to deduce whether doodo is frustrated about dating a girl just for dating, or having someone to love.

Because dating a girl for just because is a corny bullshit of a human act, where neither of the two people actually gives a crap about the other one although ironically it's still considered "being a couple".

What the dedouche?


You do know that it's normal for many people to date, spend time with others, have fun, hang out, go places, have conversations, right? Even if it doesn't turn out to be more, but some times it does...right?

I think it's even more ridiculous to suggest that you immediately fall in love and to skip knowing the person in actual dates...

[Comrade Pants]

Circular argument, my friend. The reason why men make more than women is because they are the expected head of the household while women are more typically viewed as making extra income. If you keep spreading traditions like this, things will never change.[QUOTE] It's circular... how? I'm just saying that that's the way things are done.

[QUOTE=Giant Tope;474439]I find it a bit bizarre that some guys complain about "wasting" money on their girlfriends. Then they insist on being the sole payer of excursions. When did I ever call it 'wasting?' I view it as courtesy. Besides, I wouldn't be paying if I didn't want to enjoy the company of kind, intelligent, attractive and - dare I say - beautiful women who care enough about being in my company to want to have dinner with me. Is that so wrong?

Pretty much this, it's just not done like

This.

http://starsmedia.ign.com/stars/image/article/841/841564/dark-knight-joker-close_1197658250.jpg

Is that a Socialist Realist Joker?


http://s3.amazonaws.com/peat/images/big-gangsta-izzy-two.jpg

This is a picture taken of me just today ^...

Psh. My guns are better.

[Joop]

... I don't even know where to begin with this thread.

I would love for you to give a woman's perspective on Doodo's rantings, Puzzelbox. Maybe he'll take you more serious... Or he'll get really shy that a REAL GIRL is commenting on his posts. ;)

[LordFlux]

Just wanted to come in here and post a success story about online dating. :cool:

Joined up with cupid.com after a long stint of not being in a relationship. Never really been the sociable type and always focused on school/work. Yea, I'm one of *those* guys. :D

To be honest, I really wasn't expecting much from it and that's what I got at first. Initiated a conversation with a few girls who seemed interesting. We chatted online and over the phone... they said I was a nice guy, but didn't want to go out with me. That was fine. Basically a reflection of my real world attempts at asking a girl out.

Had only paid for a 90 day membership and it was winding down. I was ready to chalk it up as a loss when I received a wink from a user a couple of town over.

I started up a chat with her and things just flowed. Our conversation wasn't difficult and it didn't feel awkward or forced. We both shared the same sense of humor and we constantly were laughing at each other's jokes. We had a few things in common, but not everything... which made it real easy to bring up new topics of discussion. After chatting online and over the phone for 3 months, we decided to meet in person.

Since we had talked so much already, our first date was very relaxing and easy. I met her family, we went out to eat, went to a movie, and I took her home. We kissed. Sparks were flying.

That all happened back in 2005. In 2007, we got married and have been in bliss since. She is fantastic.

tl;dr: Don't give up online dating too quickly. It can work.

[Joop]

Just wanted to come in here and post a success story about online dating. :cool:

Joined up with cupid.com after a long stint of not being in a relationship. Never really been the sociable type and always focused on school/work. Yea, I'm one of *those* guys. :D

To be honest, I really wasn't expecting much from it and that's what I got at first. Initiated a conversation with a few girls who seemed interesting. We chatted online and over the phone... they said I was a nice guy, but didn't want to go out with me. That was fine. Basically a reflection of my real world attempts at asking a girl out.

Had only paid for a 90 day membership and it was winding down. I was ready to chalk it up as a loss when I received a wink from a user a couple of town over.

I started up a chat with her and things just flowed. Our conversation wasn't difficult and it didn't feel awkward or forced. We both shared the same sense of humor and we constantly were laughing at each other's jokes. We had a few things in common, but not everything... which made it real easy to bring up new topics of discussion. After chatting online and over the phone for 3 months, we decided to meet in person.

Since we had talked so much already, our first date was very relaxing and easy. I met her family, we went out to eat, went to a movie, and I took her home. We kissed. Sparks were flying.

That all happened back in 2005. In 2007, we got married and have been in bliss since. She is fantastic.

tl;dr: Don't give up online dating too quickly. It can work.

Wow, good for you LordFlux. It's a real succes story!
I guess online dating worked for you, though I think it wouldn't work for everybody. The chances of something like this are really small.

What I do think is that people put to much pressure on the dating thing in general. People like Doodo and Lonnie are just shouting that they don't see the need for dating because they feel insecure about about themselves and their chances in the dating world.
The fact is that if you just let go of the whole "I need to get a girlfriend" thing, but keep all the oppertunities open, that one day it will just happen.

Ranting about how strange women are won't make you seem cool or sophisticated. It just confirms your insecurity and the inability to look at your own weaker sides and work on them.
You might be really bad at dating and making contact, but don't give me that bullshit about women. It's usually your own fault, and the sooner you realise this, the sooner you'll make progress.

[Rather Dashing]

hey tope

buy me dinner

[Giant Tope]

k sure

[Rather Dashing]

kool

[Giant Tope]

I would love for you to give a woman's perspective on Doodo's rantings, Puzzelbox. Maybe he'll take you more serious... Or he'll get really shy that a REAL GIRL is commenting on his posts. ;)

..oh i guess i'm not a real girl.

[GuruGuru214]

Are you made of wood? Does your nose grow when you lie? Do you have strings?

[Giant Tope]

yes

[Joop]

..oh i guess i'm not a real girl.

I bet you'd love to see my face right now.
It's not often that I blush...

All these years on the forum and I never realised that you were a girl.
Damn you, Internet with your anonymity!
1000 apologies. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KniUNdVZvH4)

[Giant Tope]

:p don't worry about it.

[Joop]

I'm re-reading your posts as we speak and it all seems to make sense now. :p

[joek86]

A lot of people bring up the date paying thing, and here's the answer. If a woman offers to pay, let her pay. It's that simple, if you refuse to let her pay anything she will feel dependent. Most of the time when a woman offers to pay, it's to show they can, and denying that would damage her pride just to save your own. If she doesn't offer, then pay, that's how it works.

[Joop]

Are you a woman? (Before I make the same mistake.)

[doodo!]

It can kiss my ass too. In fact, I've decided I want to be a lone, and just avoid women so that they don't depress me any more. And when I retire I can retire any place in the world I feel like, no seeds planted anywhere, no roots anchoring me down.

[jeeno0142]

I would've thought that whoevers idea it was to go on the date should pay for it. If it was the man who asked the woman then the man should pay, and if it was the woman who asked the man then the woman should pay.

[Giant Tope]

It can kiss my ass too. In fact, I've decided I want to be a lone, and just avoid women so that they don't depress me any more. And when I retire I can retire any place in the world I feel like, no seeds planted anywhere, no roots anchoring me down.

Wait, why would you want to cut yourself off from half the world's population? Not wanting to seek a relationship is one thing, but avoiding women? That's kind of sad.

[Secret Fawful]

See what you did, Tope.

[joek86]

Are you a woman? (Before I make the same mistake.)

Umm no, but I've been with a few and I did this crazy thing, I listened when they were talking. You can learn a lot that way.

[Lonnie]

Wow, good for you LordFlux. It's a real succes story!
I guess online dating worked for you, though I think it wouldn't work for everybody. The chances of something like this are really small.

What I do think is that people put to much pressure on the dating thing in general. People like Doodo and Lonnie are just shouting that they don't see the need for dating because they feel insecure about about themselves and their chances in the dating world.
The fact is that if you just let go of the whole "I need to get a girlfriend" thing, but keep all the oppertunities open, that one day it will just happen.

Ranting about how strange women are won't make you seem cool or sophisticated. It just confirms your insecurity and the inability to look at your own weaker sides and work on them.
You might be really bad at dating and making contact, but don't give me that bullshit about women. It's usually your own fault, and the sooner you realise this, the sooner you'll make progress.

I never said 'I need a GF' because I don't. I was simply stating that online dating was a waste of time, or had come across that way for me personally. I consider myself a good looking guy with a good personality but I never seem to click with someone I FANCY/Like/etc. It seems most people on that site really can't be arsed making the effort.

Just wanted to come in here and post a success story about online dating. :cool:

Nice man thats a nice story. it always happens to other people!!! Lol.

It can kiss my ass too. In fact, I've decided I want to be a lone, and just avoid women so that they don't depress me any more. And when I retire I can retire any place in the world I feel like, no seeds planted anywhere, no roots anchoring me down.

Never getting married then? I personally don't feel the need to get 'married'.

[Captain Mickey]

Wow, this topic.... just wow.

Okay, time for my two cents.

In the words of my Animation teacher: It depends.

I've seen all sorts of daters (is that a word? It is now.) thanks to a psychotic group of friends. Some would go into one just because they needed to, because it's the natural order of things, because it's what society wants, all sorts of really stupid and really bland reasons, but there were also people who would go into one because they felt genuine affection for each other. Some relationships work, others don't. It really depends on the person, location, and/or situation.

For the online thing, it's really depends on the person, for some it works, for others it doesn't. Is it bad? Not necessarily, I know several people who did it and are married for a couple of years but that also shouldn't rule out actually going out to meet people. Being social can be a good thing (so what I heard).

For those who say women are clingy/evil/lazy and such. I beg to differ. Now, I'm not saying anyone of yours' argument is wrong/stupid/inaccurate or anything of that caliber, but this is something that I just wanted to throw out there. I just recently broke up with my ex who could be placed under the "stupid jerk" type, or something of that extent. I understand the idea of people wanting affection and to be told that they love one another, but there is also the idea of balance. Naturally, a lot of people will say women are the attention grabbing types, and men are just relaxed. Not in this case. If anything, it was as if the roles have been reversed. It started off nice, we would call each other, go movies together, hang around bakeries and such. Until eventually he started to insult my family and my brother's girlfriend, and pretty much trying to break me off with any of my friends, moved WAAAAY too fast (when I wanted him to come and hang around with me and my friends for a party, he just wanted me in bed with him), and made sure I was his entire focal point. I understand the idea of to love and to be loved, sacrificing, and all that jazz, but to make him my ONLY focal point wasn't such a great idea the flew with me. But what would I know after all? So I did that, I gave me my undivided attention until work came in and I decided to put all my efforts into my classes, then there were a bit of family problems (won't get into that), and I started talking to him less and less. It didn't make him happy because I wasn't giving him any attention. Eventually I forced myself to find time for him and asked how he was doing; it became calls how my major (Game Art and Design) is a joke, I'm a child, he's smart, and he's more important. I ended up having to listen to his shopping lists of complaints while he listened to none of mine. Eventually I got really hectic again in my work that I became extremely busy, so much so to the point I went through a mental breakdown (this was mainly due to lack of sleep and eating just so I can put more effort into my classes) so calls became texts, and daily became weekly, weekly became monthly. So once the hecticness came to a dwindle, and issues started to clear up, I called him up to see how he was doing, which only ended up with him telling me he left somewhere else and proceeded to hang up on me. Okay, I thought, I guess he was busy. Turns out he wasn't and eventually I got scowled for not showing him enough love like I do to my family/work/etc. Finally I said screw it and just told him (not yelled, mind you) that I don't feel any balance in this relationship, and that everything is too one sided and he moved too fast for me (I kept my mouth shut for him, because every time I brought up an issue he would just laugh at my face and treated me like a kid. Something I SERIOUSLY hate.) he stopped talking with me after I told him. I was told by his father THROUGH MY MOTHER at a dinner that he broke up with me. Jerk didn't bother changing the status on facebook. So I took the liberty of doing it. Needless to say, not all women are asses, men could be too.

But back to my main point: It depends. For some it works, for others it doesn't, as for me... well I just need to keep looking.

[Comrade Pants]

I'll say this about online dating: I've never noticed any profiles around Georgia that don't have "muddin" as an interest. It makes me firmly believe that I was born in the wrong part of the country. Eh.

[divisionten]

What, may I ask, is "muddin"?

[Comrade Pants]

A horrible, terrible, redneck activity where you drive trucks through mud bogs. It's so inane, but everyone around here seems to be as taken with it as they are with high school football and country music. Oh, South. Why are your priorities so fucked up?

[LordFlux]

I'll say this about online dating: I've never noticed any profiles around Georgia that don't have "muddin" as an interest. It makes me firmly believe that I was born in the wrong part of the country. Eh.

I know exactly what you mean -- I'm in Georgia. ^_^ Lived in Dublin when I was looking. (home of the Redneck Olympics -- WOO WEE!!! :P )

My 'future wife' lived just outside of Kathleen. Her profile mostly made mention of movies and books. She didn't have a profile picture up.

I didn't post to give the impression that online dating is a sure-fire way to find someone. But like another poster mentioned, there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

[Comrade Pants]

I know exactly what you mean -- I'm in Georgia. ^_^ Lived in Dublin when I was looking. (home of the Redneck Olympics -- WOO WEE!!! :P )

My 'future wife' lived just outside of Kathleen. Her profile mostly made mention of movies and books. She didn't have a profile picture up.

I didn't post to give the impression that online dating is a sure-fire way to find someone. But like another poster mentioned, there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

This is true. That being said, the vast majority of the dates I've actually gone on have ended up being with geeks, goths and foreigners. I dated a redneck once and it was probably the most dull experience in my entire life. I think I've actually had more personal connection with standardized test coordinators.

[Woodsyblue]

Men complain about women, women complain about men, the moral of the story? People suck!

[Comrade Pants]

People suck!
So say we all! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkD95eDpAWE&feature=player_detailpage#t=37s)

[DAISHI]

So say we all! Er, amen to that!

First phrase was correct, sir.

[Comrade Pants]

First phrase was correct, sir.

Corrected.

[doodo!]

Wait, why would you want to cut yourself off from half the world's population? Not wanting to seek a relationship is one thing, but avoiding women? That's kind of sad.

It's worse than sad.

[Joop]

Umm no, but I've been with a few and I did this crazy thing, I listened when they were talking. You can learn a lot that way.

I agree with you wholeheartedly on that. My girl and I have a really good relationship, just because we talk about everything. (and listen) ;)

[Lonnie]

God damn im in love....i finally got the balls to give this woman ive liked for aaaages my numbe at work and she txt me

anyhoo we are chatting on facebook and she feels the same...but shes married lmao

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFMMMMMMMMMMMMMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Still shes been unhappy with her husband for a long time

and dont tell me i cant have a married woman...if shes unhappy with her husband then the dude doesnt own her

and god damn im pissed out of my head drinking some kiwi beer......hahaahhahaa...listening to the awesome tom waits.....

[Woodsyblue]

http://img830.imageshack.us/img830/278/whenshessingleyouhaveth.jpg (http://img830.imageshack.us/i/whenshessingleyouhaveth.jpg/)

[valuka]

@Woodsyblue: really nice poster and the slogan is so damn right. This will make me laughing the hole day! Thanks

[Joop]

God damn im in love....i finally got the balls to give this woman ive liked for aaaages my numbe at work and she txt me

anyhoo we are chatting on facebook and she feels the same...but shes married lmao

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFMMMMMMMMMMMMMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Still shes been unhappy with her husband for a long time

and dont tell me i cant have a married woman...if shes unhappy with her husband then the dude doesnt own her

and god damn im pissed out of my head drinking some kiwi beer......hahaahhahaa...listening to the awesome tom waits.....

These are dangerous territories that you're getting in.
An affair with a married woman can be a pretty unhealthy thing... She doesn't have kids does she?

You do have good music taste though. :)

[puzzlebox]

anyhoo we are chatting on facebook and she feels the same...but shes married lmao

Some sage advice I got from a random old lady who sat next to me once at a bus stop: "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

[Joop]

Some sage advice I got from a random old lady who sat next to me once at a bus stop: "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

Seconded, by experience.

[Lonnie]

I dont care, she is MINE.

I dunno actually.....she says shes been unhappy with her husband for a while. shes from Phillipines and she never really liked him from the sounds of it. She said she was thinking of leaving him beforfe she met me.

Yeh she does have 2 kids.

Dont make me out to be some devil. I told her to do what she feels. I'm not pressuring her at all.

Some sage advice I got from a random old lady who sat next to me once at a bus stop: "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

Its no cheating like you think. Shes been unhappy with this douche bag for a long time.

He makes her work even whens shes pregnant and takes ALL her money.

I feel very strongly toward her and i never feel like this.

For her to feel the same is special to me.

F### her husband. He should of treated her better.

[GozzoMan]

This is true. That being said, the vast majority of the dates I've actually gone on have ended up being with geeks, goths and foreigners.

Hey, I love foreigner goth geeks! :P

[Lonnie]

I've found some of the best friends i have were and still nerds.geeks. Trult genuine nice people. I love my nerd mates. salt of the earth.

Well, i'm on my fith bottle of whetver wicked beeeeeer im guzzling

gunna watch get him to the greek soon, for real

[Comrade Pants]

Hey, I love foreigner goth geeks! :P

They are pretty awesome, it's true.

[Giant Tope]

I dont care, she is MINE.

Oh, grabby fellow, aren't ya? :b

Here's a couple of questions you should answer to yourself. You don't have to post the answers here, in fact I discourage it.

Where did you meet this lady? How well do you know this lady? Does she have proof that her story is true other than word of mouth? Do you have any reason other than word of mouth that she's truthful? Do you have reason to believe that she's not trying to use you to try to get out of the relationship?

If everything is still fine and dandy, I'd still caution treading cautiously.

Either way, unless it's absolutely impossible for her to get a divorce safely, I don't think it'd be wise to have any official moves should be made until then. That sorta thing complicates everything.

[Secret Fawful]

Hey, I love foreigner goth geeks! :P

Bleh.

[Comrade Pants]

Bleh.

Ok then, Fawful. What's your preference for women?

[JuntMonkey]

1) Don't use pay sites unless there is no other option in your country.

2) Don't send a message with just "hey how are you?" They are getting literally dozens of messages a day from guys - why the f would they respond to somebody who says nothing more than "what's up?", unless he is super attractive?

Ask them about something that you noticed in their profile, but try to make it something interesting rather than what every other guy is going to say. Something playful like "oh man, we would never get along if you like xxxx - did you see when xxxx did xxxx?" Do not compliment them on their looks, including smile and eyes (EVERY guy does that). Do not compliment them on anything.

Again, they're getting dozens of messages a day. Do something different. Something as ridiculous as "are you wearing a wig?" is highly preferable to "hey u have nice eyes how r u?" Also, don't use "text speak" or abbreviations, use proper grammar, and learn the difference between your and you're if you don't already know.

3) It's a numbers game. If you get more than 20% of girls to respond to you then you're doing really well. 10% is not abnormal.

4) On your third message back to a girl in a back-and-forth, tell her you guys should meet up for coffee or a drink, then ask for her number and/or give her yours and tell her to text you.

5) It's still a numbers game even if you get this far...many girls will flake at some point, it's just the nature of online dating. She'll never respond to your calls/texts, you'll make plans to meet for the first time and she'll cancel, etc. I've flaked as well (I'm a guy), it's just the way it goes.

6) If you can meet to do something casual but fun it's a huge plus. For example, a bar near me does trivia nights (including sex trivia), and I often try to get a girl to meet me there at that time. Then you sit right up close to her while you're writing the answers down together, tease her, give her a fake push when she gets an answer wrong, etc. Touch her as much as possible (but not in a creepy way - and don't put your arm around her or any nonsense like that). Find some excuse to take her hand and pretend to read her palm or whatever.

[Secret Fawful]

Ok then, Fawful. What's your preference for women?

A good sense of humor and intelligence. And I mean a DAMN GOOD sense of humor. Someone with true wit, who doesn't get phased by anything, and can throw quips all back in one's face. I've never heard of a goth like that. Then again, I've rarely ever met a woman like that. Plus, the goth thing just doesn't appeal to me.

Unless I become asexual. Then I won't care.

[RetroVortex]

A good sense of humor and intelligence. And I mean a DAMN GOOD sense of humor. Someone with true wit, who doesn't get phased by anything, and can throw quips all back in one's face. I've never heard of a goth like that. Then again, I've rarely ever met a woman like that. Plus, the goth thing just doesn't appeal to me.

Unless I become asexual. Then I won't care.

And your definition of a "good sense of humour" is?

(I'm not being accusative or anything, I'm just curious, (as you may unfortunately be a little like me (except that I also have unrealistic expecations on a womans looks as well (more in the comparative sense. I fancy women that are normally "out of my league" as some shallow minded people put it...))))

[Secret Fawful]

And your definition of a "good sense of humour" is?

I just defined it. She's skilled enough with wit and humor that it takes something a great deal insulting and horrible, the likes of which I would never say, to phase her, and anything else she can throw back with ease. And when I mean humor, because I know there are different types, I'm talking about someone who would laugh at the Marx Brothers or George Carlin or Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett(not necessarily those but you get the idea), not someone who sits in front of American Idol or a Youtube Poop and gets her kicks that way.

Oh, and I refuse to date anyone, ever, who likes Twilight. EVER. If that makes me shallow, TOO BAD. I don't care how nice she is, I don't care how hot she is. I don't care if she loves me more than life itself. Well, I would be respectful of her feelings, but I just despise that series so much that I question anyone who does like it. That's about my only real peeve though. I dunno, I guess it would depend.

[Cojo the Monkey]

I'm a girl, so I thought maybe I'd offer some perspective.

First off, please don't view me as an exotic and fragile animal. Yes, all of us have some unique traits that would traditionally be classified as feminine. But all of us also have some unique traits that would traditionally be classified as masculine, and all of you have some traits that would traditionally be classified as feminine and masculine, so can we please stop saying things like "girls hate it when guys do xyz"?

Yes, some (or even most) girls will act a certain way in certain situations. But we don't have a "code" for you to crack. Honest. Just treat me like a person, be yourself, and don't make assumptions. Feminism is rocky ground, and it's easy to offend because of the many viewpoints out there. I get that. If your intentions are good, I'll forgive you for flubbing something. And if I don't, you probably don't want to date me, because that isn't a trait that's likely to go away.

Speaking personally, I appreciate traditional chivalry (opening doors, offering to pay), but I don't mind opening doors for myself or paying my half, especially if my date is a struggling artist (this happened a lot during college). I've also paid for dates. If you'll be dating for a long time, it will all merge together anyway. But I want it worked out before the date.

I used to hate when men would try to find excuses to touch or poke me during a date. They tried to act like it was playful, but it felt forced and intrusive, because I knew they would never act that way if we were just hanging out as friends. Some women might like it, though. I fell in love with my husband because it felt like we had been friends forever on our first date, and I was attracted to him. So it was like friends, plus physical attraction. I ended up asking HIM for a kiss.

You don't have to be tremendously hot for her to be physically attracted to you. You'd be surprised what individual women find attractive - and giving her your full attention goes a long way.

Hope this helps you get some. ;)

[JedExodus]

If we're on about it, there's a girl in work I like.

I gave her my 3DS to play while she was on lunch, when I got it back the completley untouchable top screen was all mucky where she had been jabbing it trying to push buttons

So that's out the window then :p

[GozzoMan]

A good sense of humor and intelligence. And I mean a DAMN GOOD sense of humor. Someone with true wit, who doesn't get phased by anything, and can throw quips all back in one's face. I've never heard of a goth like that.

Goth: That's unfortunate, I had :)

Geek: Are you kidding? I daresay a lot of geeks are exactly that way!

Foreigner: You know, everyone is foreigner for someone else... ;)


But we don't have a "code" for you to crack. Honest.

Ah ah ah, made me laugh! :D:D
One of the best ways I heard to put that point ;)


EDIT: Oh, BTW, I too have found my True Love (very healthy and healing just after a very unhealthy relationship) on the Intertubes :)
Not a dating site though, but on a social network dedicated to books. We began to chat and the rest happily followed :)

[JuntMonkey]

I used to hate when men would try to find excuses to touch or poke me during a date. They tried to act like it was playful, but it felt forced and intrusive, because I knew they would never act that way if we were just hanging out as friends.

You're not hanging out as friends and that's exactly the trap men need to avoid falling into.

[GozzoMan]

You're not hanging out as friends and that's exactly the trap men need to avoid falling into.

I think most of the time this is really really true!

Nonetheless, evidently there are also women like Cojo who prefers something different.

Again, people are different.

Trite as it is, I think on a date you should do what you feel apt, keeping of course open eyes for the reaction and feelings of your counterpart, because there's no single way to please anyone.

Me, I prefer a little smooth and progressive physical contact and avoid the Friend Valley, yes :)

EDIT: Oh, something I struggled with at the beginning, a long time ago: try to relax and be confident, but DO NOT try too hard and be over-confident, you'll probably end up looking cold and an arsehole. Be comfortable with yourself.
Again, some women like cold arseholes; but the point is: do you like women who likes cold arseholes? ;)
(If you happen to actually be a cold arsehole, of course these are not the droids you're looking for :P)

[RetroVortex]

*imagines himself on a date with a woman*

Retro and his date are walking through a shopping mall to get to the cinema

ME: OH LOOK! A HMV! Lets go in
Woman: ...

Retro scans the titles, then after a minuite or two starts laughing

ME: HAHAHA! How pathetic, these used games are always good for a good laugh.
Look! Halo Reach is still £35! I can get that like £18 on the internet
Woman: :/

Retro quickly dahses off to the music section, and quickly scans the titles

ME: Still no Deep Purple albums at a sale price. The AC/DC albums are always on sale, what a jip!
Woman: :?

Retro quickly dashes off to the DVD section. His date being rather confused and disorientated by his sudden movements

ME: Man, I wish they would have some good boxsets here. I can never find a boxset at a good price, even on the internet.

Retro's date is just about to catch up, then he suddenly starts to leave

ME: Meh, I'm bored here, lets go.
Woman: :X

Just as Retro and his date leave...

ME: Oh look! A Game, come on, lets see if they got anything neat.
Woman: >:/

about 15 minuites of Retro dashing through the shops passes and he looks down at his watch

ME: GAH! The movie's about to start. Come on Come on!! We can still make it!
Woman: *sighs*

[GozzoMan]

*imagines himself on a date with a woman*
[...]

Eh eh eh :D :D

Two comments:

1) Don't go to a cinema on a first date. It would be nonsense and awkard. You need a nice place to chat and begin to know each other (so, no cinema, no too loud music, etc.)

2) My GF loves when I go mad about music and games and comics etc.! ;) She finds it cute and interesting.
Just do not ignore her for these thing, but try to involve her in your interests and be open to hers. (EDIT: If she actually can't stand your interests, she's probably not good for you.)

[divisionten]

About the touching on the first date thing- Maybe it's the reason I have a lot of trouble finding a date, but I'm VERY uncomfortable being touched... and don't even get me started on kissing (I have a gag reflex that goes haywire, even if I try to kiss my parents)

Treat a person as a person and things should just go from there.

[Icedhope]

1. Online dating is cool, only if you have no social interaction what so ever. But sometimes it does happen.

2. Find a women who has some common interests, why not everything in common? Well to be honest you'd get bored with each other, and that ends up with cheating.

3. Make sure your friends approve, because well...Friends are Important too.

4. This goes along with #2. For the first date, try and find something interesting, that you both like doing. Like lunch at a museum, and or.. a movie that you both want to see.

5. Kissing should never be an important thing in a relationship...because well..you kiss to show affection and only do it..when you want to show affection, and Vice Versa.

6. If she's picky about her men, be picky about who you date. I am and well..I have a great girlfriend.

Now those are some of my rules, and I think good rules..but who knows everyone is different when it comes to dating. Just be yourself and they won't mind.

[Cojo the Monkey]

About the touching on the first date thing- Maybe it's the reason I have a lot of trouble finding a date, but I'm VERY uncomfortable being touched... and don't even get me started on kissing (I have a gag reflex that goes haywire, even if I try to kiss my parents)

Treat a person as a person and things should just go from there.

I'm the same. I'm polite, but it takes me a long time to warm up to anyone, date or no. Someone mentioned falling into the "friends trap". Well, OK, but we cannot skip over becoming friends. This is non-negotiable. My thought process goes "Can I hold a real conversation with this guy? Is he an a-hole? Do I think he would help me out in the zombie apocalypse? OK, he seems nice. Now, am I attracted to him?

Usually one date is enough to figure that out, but that means hold off on the touchy-feely (except maybe for hand-touching) until the end of the date. Poking in particular annoys me, and the guy sometimes says "poke!" all playful-like. I think it's a way to "test the waters". But if I don't respond in a positive way or reciprocate, stop. For a few guys, the poking was just nonstop, even though I acted cold toward it.

[GozzoMan]

I think it's a way to "test the waters". But if I don't respond in a positive way or reciprocate, stop.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up :)


For a few guys, the poking was just nonstop, even though I acted cold toward it.

Very rude :mad:

[puzzlebox]

For a few guys, the poking was just nonstop, even though I acted cold toward it.

If a dude is all pokey and my crankypants "seriously, one more time and I'm gonna bite you" face doesn't work, I just straight up say I don't like it. No harm in being direct.

[JedExodus]

Are you lot telling me that there's a substantial amount of blokes out there who are using "poke"?

Cos nobody fucking likes being poked, a girl did it to me and I near ate the head off her, but I figured it was a one off

[Irishmile]

Irishmile is a manly, married man with two... oh wait, THREE kids, twin girls and one boy? Am I right?

BTW, Lonnie, you can multiquote people by using the "+" button on the lower right of posts. No need to post four times. ;)

Yes I do have twin girls and a boy.... and I am a manly married man.. sometimes I even do manly things like chop wood and perform bitchin top gun style high fives while playing sports (http://i917.photobucket.com/albums/ad11/abrhammer/top-gun-high-five_o_GIFSoupcom.gif?t=1294123897) :cool: ... I know I know... ladies right now you're thinking ... why must Irishmile be married?.. fret not I am not perfect... sometimes my hair is messy.

[Comrade Pants]

No harm in being direct.

This is a lesson more women should learn. It seems like it's always a guessing game with women I've met. It's a game I'm more than willing to play, mind you; but it gets rather taxing after some time - especially the ones where you don't know if you've been friend zoned.

Went about a year on one of those once and didn't even know I'd been friend zoned for most of the time. True story.

[Icedhope]

This is a lesson more women should learn. It seems like it's always a guessing game with women I've met. It's a game I'm more than willing to play, mind you; but it gets rather taxing after some time - especially the ones where you don't know if you've been friend zoned.

Went about a year on one of those once and didn't even know I'd been friend zoned for most of the time. True story.

Honestly, women...are..No offense to the female users.

They like to play games, well a majority of them do at least...just to see if your territorial, offer something other than a relationship...most women I've dated have a crude Idea of what a relationship should be.

[Comrade Pants]

Honestly, women...are..No offense to the female users.

They like to play games, well a majority of them do at least...just to see if your territorial, offer something other than a relationship...most women I've dated have a crude Idea of what a relationship should be.

I know exactly what you mean, man. It's like they enjoy watching us try to figure stuff out without any clues and the most vague hints. I think they must be secret sadists, or something.

[Irishmile]

Lets be honest guys ... playing games is not a trick only girls play... we do the same things...

Its just human nature I think.

[VeronicanPlay]

Met a guy on a dating site a long time ago, and he was a real (insert really bad word here.)
My X I met on a community place called Arto, but that relationship was really bad and I am glad I got out of it in the end.

My boyfriend I am with now I met online, not on an actual dating site but in Guild Wars. :p

So I am a shy person, and I can't really go out to meet people. So I relied on the internet to find my match, and it worked out in the end. :)

[JuntMonkey]

This is a lesson more women should learn. It seems like it's always a guessing game with women I've met. It's a game I'm more than willing to play, mind you; but it gets rather taxing after some time - especially the ones where you don't know if you've been friend zoned.

Went about a year on one of those once and didn't even know I'd been friend zoned for most of the time. True story.

What were you doing for that year? Was there anything sexual going on? This is why you don't putz around becoming friends first.

[Alcoremortis]

I know exactly what you mean, man. It's like they enjoy watching us try to figure stuff out without any clues and the most vague hints. I think they must be secret sadists, or something.

This is very astute...er... I mean, I have absolutely no idea what you could possibly mean by this. At all.

[Comrade Pants]

ಠ_ಠ

[GeorgeC]

A 7 page thread for this? Most people who go on dating sites are assholes. fact.

[Avistew]

About the OP:

I've never dated online, but I used to go to a chatroom where you put your gender. As soon as I arrived I was flooded with PMs. I literally wouldn't have been able to close all tabs because they opened faster than I could have closed them (even without reading what they were saying).

I did NOT reply to people who said "what's up?" or "how are you?", unless they were the first one to. No time! I answered when people seemed interesting enough to talk to, and talked to just one or two guys and ignored all the rest. And sometimes I was there to talk to a friend so I ignored all of them (although I guess in an online website you're probably at least looking).

From what I've heard, dating sites are similar. They're probably flooded with messages so it will take something special for them to respond at all.

By the way, after that I set my gender to "male" on the chat so I'd be left alone. Only problem: females rarely if ever replied (I understood why) and guys usually couldn't care less either. I stopped going altogether in the end.

Unless they have a ring on their (right ring) finger, you have no idea if they're in a relationship, or what they're like.

Even that doesn't mean much. I never wore a ring with my husband and neither has he, because neither of us is Christian and for us it was a Christian thing. (By the way, I grew up being told that left hand is for love marriage, right hand is if it was an arranged marriage and you're not in love).
I know people who wear rings on their ring fingers because they're ring fingers, but who don't have a boyfriend (and would be surprised if someone told them "I thought you were married" as they don't see the relation).
And with Seamus we got rings because we'd be apart so much and thought it would help feeling more like a couple, and while this ring is a symbol of my being with someone (although I'm still available), it's on my middle finger.

So yeah, rings don't necessarily mean squat, neither does the absence of rings (neither my parents nor my inlaws wear wedding rings either, by the way).

Don't sweat it, Lonnie.
When you're dating you're wishing you had a girlfriend. When you've got a girlfriend you miss the thrill of dating.

Some people get the best of both worlds :D

Ah, and about the paying thing. If someone invites me out, I'll assume they'll pay (whether they're male or female). I don't usually go out because I can't afford it, so I'd be very upset with someone I agree to go out with because they wanted to (I don't mean going out as in a date, but just eating out in general) and then making me pay my share. I'd feel like they conned me, and now I have to skip a couple of meals to get even.

I'm speaking specifically of people who invite me. People who ask "want to grab something to eat?" are a different story (and I'm likely to answer "sorry, I can't afford it" if that's the case).

[Secret Fawful]

Lets be honest guys ... playing games is not a trick only girls play... we do the same things...

What do you mean "we"? Irishmile, I never knew you were the manipulative type.

http://i.imgur.com/eeNo4.jpg

I keep my eye on you.

[Comrade Pants]

I keep my eye on you.
Just the one, though. Who knows what the other is up to?

[Avistew]

Oh, and about being direct... YES! Be direct. That's true of men too. Some of them seem to think if they're nice and ignore your hitting on them, you'll "get the message" even if they never reject you.
But hey, if I hit on someone and don't get rejected, I assume I can keep going. And if I get zero reaction, I assume either he likes it (and therefore has no reason to react to it since he doesn't want it to change) or doesn't get that I'm hitting on him, so I get progressively less subtle about it.

Too often it ends up with a guy either going "please leave me alone!" without any prior sign that he might not have been interested, or them actively avoiding me suddenly. Jeez, tell me you're not interested from the start, you won't hurt my feelings as much. It sucks realising you thought someone liked you for months when they were just "trying to be nice".

I try to be direct, although I can be deluded and not notice someone like me, so I appreciate people who are direct too. With Seamus, he told me he was interested right away, and I told him I wasn't, and then we moved on to being friends, and got to know each other. There was no drama and he never asked again or pressured me or anything.
Then after talking a lot and being friends, I fell in love with him, I told him I was now interested, and he said he still was, so we became a couple. No drama, no hassle. If only everyone else worked that way.

[puzzlebox]

nobody fucking likes being poked, a girl did it to me and I near ate the head off her, but I figured it was a one off

One guy kept doing it to my FACE even after I EXPRESSLY told him it was not pleasurable. WTF POKE ME IN THE FACE ?? He almost lost his finger down to the second knuckle.

Simple proximity works just fine.

sometimes I even do manly things like chop wood and perform bitchin top gun style high fives while playing sports (http://i917.photobucket.com/albums/ad11/abrhammer/top-gun-high-five_o_GIFSoupcom.gif?t=1294123897)

I couldn't quite see what was happening there through the haze of testosterone :p

Honestly, women [...] like to play games, well a majority of them do at least...

I can't stand bullshit. I'll be honest about stuff and expect honesty in return... the only game-playing I like in my relationships is of the Pictionary and Scrabble variety.


friend zoned
This is why you don't putz around becoming friends first.

I'm not sure I've ever been particularly interested in someone who didn't start out as a friend (how am I supposed to like a guy if I don't know him?). I pretty much want my partner to be my best mate anyway - hang out, laugh a lot, and generally have fun times as co-conspirators in mischief.

[JuntMonkey]

I'm not sure I've ever been particularly interested in someone who didn't start out as a friend (how am I supposed to like a guy if I don't know him?). I pretty much want my partner to be my best mate anyway - hang out, laugh a lot, and generally have fun times as co-conspirators in mischief.

Your brain makes a judgment based on the man's perceived quality of genes and/or ability to provide for children. Doesn't matter if you're conscious of this or not.

If you're a unique case where you need to be friends for a while first then that's fine, but most men are making a huge mistake with most women if they're interested in them and spend time making platonic friends with them.

[Avistew]

I'm not sure I've ever been particularly interested in someone who didn't start out as a friend (how am I supposed to like a guy if I don't know him?). I pretty much want my partner to be my best mate anyway - hang out, laugh a lot, and generally have fun times as co-conspirators in mischief.

Seconded. I usually like someone because I've spent enough time around him to know things about him, what he likes, what his sense of humour is like, things like that. End even when I'm interested in someone I'm not close friends with yet, what I want first is to be friends and get to know each other. To me, it's the compulsory first step.

If you're a unique case where you need to be friends for a while first then that's fine, but most men are making a huge mistake with most women if they're interested in them and spend time making platonic friends with them.

I think there is something else to it. There is no magical "friend zone" that prevents you from ever being with that woman, However, if she gets to know you well and nothing happens, then that means she's not interested in you. It's not because you were in the "friend zone" for too long, it's the other way around. You stayed friends for so long (rather than go further) BECAUSE she wasn't interested in you romantically. You became friends and stayed there BECAUSE she didn't want to date you.

There is no "don't stay her friend or she won't date you". It's more of a "if she doesn't want to date you, you'll stay her friend". You guys have it backwards.

[Secret Fawful]

Your brain makes a judgment based on the man's perceived quality of genes and/or ability to provide for children. Doesn't matter if you're conscious of this or not.

Really? Then how come so many women end up in shitty relationships that end with the woman stuck with a child and the man running away because he doesn't want to provide for a family, or worse. Their brains must not be functioning properly.

[JuntMonkey]

Really? Then how come so many women end up in shitty relationships that end with the woman stuck with a child and the man running away because he doesn't want to provide for a family, or worse. Their brains must not be functioning properly.

Read what I wrote again.

[Secret Fawful]

Read what I wrote again.

All right, here's the deal. That's the faultiest, least accurate system ever. In my opinion, people should teach themselves to become aware of this, and fight the hell out of it, because it's utter bullshit. And if they can't fight it, it's an even bigger amount of bullshit.

It's, if I'm reading you right, nothing more than a snap judgment made subconsciously by the brain. I mean, you responded to "if I don't know him how can I like him" with this response, so it has to be a snap judgment. Snap judgments are bullshit, and if the brain is going around making them for you without your conscious acceptance, then that is a stupid and will get everyone into trouble.

[Giant Tope]

If people can teach their brains that cliff diving is okay, then they can get over these supposed instincts they have about child rearing or whatever.

Anyways, on the dating side of things, I've always considered myself to have pretty simple needs. Here's my dating list.

1) I should be able to relate with them.
2) I should be able to feel comfort with them.
3) I should feel a need to be intimate with them.
4) They should be attractive to me.
5) They should have a functioning brain (the smarter the better).
6) No mind games.

However, I don't really seek out a person specifically for dating. If they show up in my life and like me back, then neato keen, I'll try to be a good girlfriend to them. Sometimes I'm a little down from being single, but that's just a natural thing. Overall I'm pretty content being independent.

[DAISHI]

All right, here's the deal. That's the faultiest, least accurate system ever. In my opinion, people should teach themselves to become aware of this, and fight the hell out of it, because it's utter bullshit. And if they can't fight it, it's an even bigger amount of bullshit.

It's, if I'm reading you right, nothing more than a snap judgment made subconsciously by the brain. I mean, you responded to "if I don't know him how can I like him" with this response, so it has to be a snap judgment. Snap judgments are bullshit, and if the brain is going around making them for you without your conscious acceptance, then that is a stupid and will get everyone into trouble.

It's an evolutionary holdover. 'Bad boy' syndrome does exist.

[Avistew]

I'd like to point out that since you can't sense pheromones online, neither plays an impact on online dating "before you get to know each other". Knowing someone can provide for children would require knowing more about their situation, which requires talking about it and getting to know them about it, and gene compatibility is identified through pheromones.

[Rather Dashing]

Am I the only male geek alive that has had to turn down a female friend because I wasn't interested? Hell, I've had this happen to me more than once. This can't be all THAT uncommon of an occurrence that this idea of females having complete control of all dating situations is actually believed by people, is it?

I mean, I see male geeks rail on females for "friend zoning" them, but that's not very fair. To turn down someone, especially someone you like and whose company you enjoy, is a very painful thing to do. It's not like anyone takes pleasure in it, at least not anyone of substance.

Maybe the "friend zone" idea comes from the perspective of people who simply don't know how to deal with other people, or have issues dealing with the opposite gender. They end up acting odd and subservient, rather than at all engaging or interesting. Maybe these guys talk to girls in a way that's entirely different from the way they talk to other guys, maybe they don't treat girls as people. Again, I'm not out to insult anyone, but this "friend zone" idea, especially one in which the female is the only person who wields the power of rejection, seems to come from a space in which a person lacks confidence in themselves.

[Comrade Pants]

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, Josh. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

[Secret Fawful]

Am I the only male geek alive that has had to turn down a female friend because I wasn't interested? Hell, I've had this happen to me more than once. This can't be all THAT uncommon of an occurrence that this idea of females having complete control of all dating situations is actually believed by people, is it?

I mean, I see male geeks rail on females for "friend zoning" them, but that's not very fair. To turn down someone, especially someone you like and whose company you enjoy, is a very painful thing to do. It's not like anyone takes pleasure in it, at least not anyone of substance.

Maybe the "friend zone" idea comes from the perspective of people who simply don't know how to deal with other people, or have issues dealing with the opposite gender. They end up acting odd and subservient, rather than at all engaging or interesting. Maybe these guys talk to girls in a way that's entirely different from the way they talk to other guys, maybe they don't treat girls as people. Again, I'm not out to insult anyone, but this "friend zone" idea, especially one in which the female is the only person who wields the power of rejection, seems to come from a space in which a person lacks confidence in themselves.

Personally, I think you're right, however nearly every rejection I've had or seen has been filled with scorn by the female party involved. Now, whether it was true scorn, a defensive action, or what, I can't say, but to say that every rejection is an unhappy occasion for the one doing it is untrue. What goes on in the head, I can't say, but past experience and the actions shown on the female side speaks for itself. This will sound sexist, but I've not seen such scorn in my experience from the male side. Most of this is because men are trained not to treat women that way in the American culture. Scorn, hate, insulting attitudes, and cruelty are squeezed out of the American male, so that most decent guys don't act such ways toward women. However, in the circles I've been in, I've never seen this sort of conditioning done on women. I've never seen women taught to restrain such actions and withdraw such scorn and treatment from men, only that they're taught that such should be withdrawn from them. I can't speak for every circle or everyone everywhere, but this is my previous experience.

Then again, I live in the Midwest, where everyone seems to want to pretend they're in the 1800s.

[Avistew]

I don't think turning someone down with scorn or despite is ever a nice thing to do, no matter who you are (although it might be understandable if they've just killed your best friend or something). And I agree that turning someone down must be hard. I've never had to do it in a very serious manner, by which I mean turning down someone I was close to. The only person I can think of who hit on me and who I turned down is Seamus, and I had barely known him at the time. The rest were guys who walked up to me in the street that I had never met before (or since).
These aren't hard to say no to. But I can see how much harder it would be when you're closer. Because even though you don't feel the same way, you actually like that person and you don't want to hurt them.

Fawful, was some of it filled with disgust? One situation in which I can imagine such a thing is being hit on by someone you consider so close to you that it feels like being hit on by a sibling or something. As much as you love them, I think it might be hard to hide the expression on your face and how strongly you reject the idea.

[Secret Fawful]

Fawful, was some of it filled with disgust? One situation in which I can imagine such a thing is being hit on by someone you consider so close to you that it feels like being hit on by a sibling or something. As much as you love them, I think it might be hard to hide the expression on your face and how strongly you reject the idea.

Maybe once or twice. I'm not sure actually; I never thought about it at the time.

[Joop]

And with Seamus we got rings because we'd be apart so much and thought it would help feeling more like a couple, and while this ring is a symbol of my being with someone (although I'm still available), it's on my middle finger.

Some people get the best of both worlds :D



Actually I know a couple who have the best of both worlds too.
They have been living together for 26 years now, and they are one of the most happy and loving couples you'll ever meet.
However, they do date other men, and they do make love to other men.
They just have such an honest and beautiful relationship that they can cuddle up together every night without spite or jealousy.

I just couldn't imagine me doing the same thing with my girlfriend. Ofcourse we've only been dating for about a year, but I just can't imagine sharing her with someone else. Nor giving myself to someone else.
Sometimes I wish we could though. As I would love to date other women one day. But on the other hand I just can't and won't, because I love her.