Crazy Windmill Mod
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Kakariko Windmill Windmill Status: Going Around
Okay, I've created my share of conspiracy theories in the five or so weeks I've been on here. Here's the mother of them all. Note that I don't necessarily believe everything I'm about to say.
The Voodoo Lady's endgame plan for the entire series has been obtaining the ultimate voodoo ingredient, essence of pirate god. In order for any of this to be possible, she needed to build up a pirate god and a hero to strike him down.
Enter ambitious and strapping pirate lad LeChuck. Now, LeChuck is smitten with Elaine and would do just about anything to impress her. So the Voodoo Lady tells him of the Secret of Monkey Island. LeChuck sets sail in search of the Secret and, as intended, perishes. However, it's been arranged that he would have access to a voodoo spell to open a rift in the crossroads. Unfortunately for the Voodoo Lady, the sponge is as of yet unobtainable, so when LeChuck escapes and retakes his body, he uses someone else's shred of life to close the Crossroads behind him (ignorant to the fact that he's going to want them open again years later). Lacking the power of love, LeChuck is a powerless animated corpse, and knowing of the true nature of Big Whoop (likely courtesy of the Voodoo Lady), realizes that the treasure is his key to a more powerful form. He and his first mate, Largo LaGrande, begin searching for information on the treasure.
Enter Horatio Torquemada Marley. He and his crew have had the (mis)fortune to acquire the map to Dinky Island and Big Whoop. LeChuck hears rumors of this and finally catches up to them at Blood Island. He cleans up the best he can (lots of deodorant) and presses Rum Rogers for information, and gets exactly what he needs. He then woos Minnie Goodsoup and steals her diamond to trade for a fast ship so he can overtake Marley's crew and take the power of the treasure for himself.
The power of Big Whoop allows his spirit to pass through to hell and gain terrible voodoo power, but in doing so it separates him from his body, which Largo takes away to safety. LeChuck returns to the land of the living as a voodoo enhanced ghost and begins his reign of terror.
Now, to turn LeChuck into the pirate god, the Voodoo Lady needed La Esponja Grande, for that she needed motivation for the hero to retrieve it in the form of the Pox, for that she needed the Cutlass of Kaflu, and for that she needed the Ultimate Insult.
Enter Ozzie Mandrill. H.T. Marley was one of the few remaining pirates who knew the secrets of the Ultimate Insult but would never assemble it. And the Insult appealed to Ozzie Mandrill's ambitions, but he had no knowledge of voodoo. So the Voodoo Lady organized a boat race off the coast of Australia and positioned one of her agents (similar to Morgan) as Marley's first mate, Rum Rogers having retired to Phatt Island. The first mate arranged for Marley's drunken encounter with Mandrill, possibly even steered the conversation as to ensure that the subject of the Ultimate Insult was brought up. LeChuck, intent on disposing of Marley's Dinky Island crew, approaches Mandrill and persuades him to dispose of Marley. Ozzie drives Marley into the whirlpool and sets off to build power in Australia and master the insult in order to prepare to tear the Caribbean apart in order to discover the Ultimate Insult recipe.
Now, the Voodoo Lady knows that Marley will be instrumental in her plans later on, so rather than kill him to cover her tracks on the Ultimate Insult issue, she chooses to hide him on Monkey Island. Her agent waits until the ship is in the whirlpool and then activates the spell to take the Sea Monkey to Monkey Island. The spell draws the ship out of the whirlpool and to the island. The first mate forges a journal suggesting that finding Monkey Island was their original goal and that the first mate's name was Herman Toothrot. He then takes Marley to the beach and whacks him with an accordion, creating the hermit Herman Toothrot. Then, under compulsion of the Voodoo Lady, he hangs himself in order to cover her tracks further.
Enter Guybrush Threepwood, the would-be pirate chosen by fate to play the role of the hero in the Voodoo Lady's plans. His timing for arriving at Melee Island is in perfect timing with LeChuck's attempt to force Elaine's marriage. She needs LeChuck in a physical form, so she assists him in reaching Monkey Island and learning of root beer's effect on ghosts so he can destroy LeChuck and set in motion the events leading to Largo's re-emergence and obtaining of LeChuck's beard. She stations herself near Woodtick in order to provide Guybrush with the voodoo doll , knowing that Guybrush loves to brag and would bring up having killed Lechuck, leading to Largo taking the beard. LeChuck is reunited with his body.
Needing Guybrush out of the way so LeChuck can create the voodoo cannonball and turn himself into a demon, the Voodoo Lady instructs him to search for Big Whoop, knowing that LeChuck would be guarding it and would imprison Guybrush. With perfect timing, Guybrush escapes the carnival, causing LeChuck to drop his cannon ball and become a demon. Then Guybrush screws everything up and turns Elaine into a statue. This doesn't work with the Voodoo Lady's plans because she needs Elaine alive to bring Guybrush back from death and to strike the killing blow to LeChuck from the living side. So she assists Guybrush in uncursing Elaine. Unfortunately, LeChuck got involved and ended up buried under ice.
Reenter Ozzie Mandrill. Ready to search for the secrets of the Ultimate Insult, he frees LeChuck and begins taking over the Caribbean in order to aid his search. Guybrush becomes involved and unwittingly does the Voodoo Lady's bidding by finding Marley's copy of the Ultimate Insult recipe and constructing one. He's taken to Monkey Island and restores Marley's memory, learning how to complete the Ultimate Insult and defeat Ozzie. LeChuck survives the ordeal and begins looking to open the Crossroads by means of the monkeys of Montevideo.
The Voodoo Lady sees her chance to create a pirate god in the reopening of the Crossroads and instructs Guybrush, now in possession of the Ultimate Insult recipe, to create the Cursed Cutlass of Kaflu. He does as instructed and the Cutlass does exactly what the Voodoo Lady intended by releasing the Pox and giving Guybrush reason to seek out the last ingredient for the pirate god, La Esponja Grande. Guybrush performs marvelously, retrieving the sponge and bringing it to full size.
Then LeChuck kills him and the Voodoo Lady loses her hero pawn. With LeChuck's power on the rise and no hero to strike him down, the Voodoo Lady sees her plans falling apart and goes into hiding, lest it all come back on her. However, when Guybrush finds LeChuck's old spell and opens the Crossroads at the exact moment of LeChuck's failure, she sees her opportunity come back and contacts the hero. He returns to his body and shrinks the sponge, allowing for LeChuck to be defeated, and the Voodoo Lady's plan comes to fruition when her new agent, Morgan LeFlay, captures his essence in a jar and delivers it to her.
There you go, the entire series wrapped around the thread of the Voodoo Lady's agenda and two of the biggest plot holes in the series closed up.
Too bad I don't believe a word of it.