Originally Posted by VeronicanPlay
Well I won't say I have a full blown depression, but I have had a rough life that has really torn me apart. It's only now I am slowly gluing back the pieces, it's a slow process but I am taking one tiny step at a time.
So what I have is Social Anxiety, and Low Self-Esteem. It has developed over my years in school, which is the case for must people.
I was always the target for bullies, and people would ignore me and shun me.
Another thing is I don't feel worthy of anything, I never feel I am worthy of posting on this forum, just because I don't sound smart enough.
I envy people for being able to form sentences better than me, and people who can discuss and I can't. I always feel my arguments are never true and therefore I never participate in discussions.
I hate doing mistakes, even the smallest mistake makes me feel like a monster because I did it and didn't see it as a mistake my self, I always hate when I have been told it was a mistake and I didn't see it my self.
Sometimes I can pretend I am two people and have a go at my self, so I say hurt full things that make me cry, but at the same time it makes me feel good because I am punishing my self.
Before I used to hit my self in the head with big books.
In a young age I began playing computer games, and so I fled in to that world where everything was much better than real life.
So I lived my life alone with my games, have believed for years I can't do anything. I would never go anywhere because I was afraid to talk to people, and when ever I had to talk to strangers, I would get panic attacks days before I had to go.
At one point I felt everything was hopeless and I would never in my dreams finish my education. I didn't have what it took, I was not smart enough.
But now here I am, 2 years later and I am 1 month away from fully finishing my education at my work placement, and I have completed my exams with very high grades.
And I seriously think my education and my job has helped me open up more, as it involves interacting with a lot of people.
But when I think about it, I don't seriously think bullying was who made me the way I am, yes it's a contributing factor, but I think it's just how I developed as I was always on my own and was never taught different as I was never interacting with anyone.
It's really nice to hear that you're slowly gaining this confidence in yourself, and are no longer letting your problems get in the way of your aspirations and your life in general.
Besides, I think most of your problems have come largely from you being your biggest critic: something we're all often capable (and culpable) of. One thing to remember, though, is that nobody thinks as harshly of your mistakes and flaws as you do, and nobody dwells upon your mistakes to the level that you do. Only you think about your mistakes and your imperfections for extended periods of time. Most of the time, if you make a mistake, do something stupid, or embarrass yourself slightly in front of someone, they're only going to spend a few moments thinking about it before soon forgetting it. And if you have some sort of weird, undesirable quirk in your personality, people won't devote the same hours that you spend wishing it away. Either they'll overlook it, forget about it, or forgive you for it. And, if they don't - if they judge you for it, mock you for it, or malign you for it - then that person simply isn't worth worrying about.
This is something that I keep in mind when I find myself wishing I hadn't done/said something stupid, or whenever I find myself lacking confidence in one of my personality traits. I just remember that nobody judges me more than I do, because, in reality, they really don't care as much as I think they do.
Obviously, adopting this mindset isn't easy, because insecurity is very much an independent, involuntary thought/feeling. But the 'nobody-is-a-bigger-critic-than-I-am' idea is one worth trying to remember, and very much worth calling to mind when you're feeling insecure, stupid or regretful.
In regards to forum posting, it's kind of an acquired art. The only way to get better at it is just to do it more
. I encourage you to post your thoughts wherever you have any. And you don't always have to formulate your thoughts into an argument either; just present them and give your perspective, because you never know what parts of your post people might find valuable, and what threads of your comment people might pick and run with.
And if you're too uncomfortable in doing that, then just stick to topics that you're knowledgeable about. There are a lot of threads that I don't post in at all because I know I don't have much knowledge in that field or on that topic, and therefore probably can't present something very insightful, or can't offer anything at all
. So, generally, I'll just stick to what I know (or what I think I know), and sometimes venture into unknown territory if I'm feeling brave.
Originally Posted by Davies
What you say is true. However, I feel that I must point out that I do have friends in the real world. Good friends at that. The problem is that I don't like to complain about my situation to them as I feel that I'm being selfish by doing so.
I thought this was probably the case (don't worry, I didn't view you as a friendless, lonely recluse, in case you were worrying ).
This is the situation that I think a lot of depressed people are in; they have a decent group of reliable, close friends, but none of whom they feel 'right' sharing with. Sometimes that can be due to the fact that you're uncomfortable in doing that, since it's 'not that kind
' of friendship. Or yes, like you said, you can feel selfish, or feel that you'd be overwhelming the person. And I think this is why depression builds in some people, is because there's a slight sense of frustration, and maybe even hopelessness; you're surrounded by numerous people who are good friends, but none of whom you can comfortably share your problems with. There are all these people who could serve as emotional outlets, and you may consider laying your struggles on them, but are haunted by the trepidation that accompanies that notion - thoughts like "what if I tarnish this stable relationship by doing this?", "what if they'll view me differently as a result of this?", "what if I'll overwhelm them, and, as a friend, unwillingly scare them away somewhat?". These people provide a myriad of opportunities
to relieve your emotional buildup, but none of them serve as a realistically possible outlet. And it's that frustration, and that feeling of being trapped, which can really worsen your depression; there's all these doorways, but no real way out.
Luckily, I've recently gotten a number of friends (well, two) who I can share honestly and openly with. I've always had a decent throng of friends, but for the the first time, I finally have a couple of people who I can converse with openly about things like love, faith, stress and (on a related note) depression. And having them has been such a positive thing in my life, and I get the feeling that I'd probably be in a pretty dark place if it weren't for them.
So, this is another thing that I would encourage - for people to either form or cultivate a friendship with someone to the point where you can be open with them. Try to establish a friendship with someone that isn't based on falseness; where you don't have to try to maintain a certain image. Find someone you don't have to pretend around, and who doesn't judge you for who you are at your core. Because these are the only people who you can truly vent to, and people like that are a necessity in living a happy life.
Originally Posted by KuroShiro
2). Identify what external factors are causing you to be depressed, and eliminate them. This is definitely the hardest thing to do for a few reasons, the largest of which is that there aren't always external factors. It also tends to involve huge changes in your life which are difficult enough for someone who isn't already depressed. But breaking the cycle you are in is important, and a change of scenery can do wonders.
3). Realize when feelings of depression are "incoming", and replace them with other emotions. Since the general malaise tends to make positive emotions impossible, negative emotions can work just as well. i.e. getting pissed off at yourself rather than just down on yourself.
These are both good pieces of advice, and they both stem from one thing - understanding and familiarizing yourself with your depression. If you know the ins and outs of your particular brand of depression, then you can predict its patterns and traits. From there, you can generally find a way to combat it. But even if you can't, at least having that awareness
of it can give you a sense of comfort and a feeling of control over it.
Tim Burton actually had something pretty good to say
on this topic of depression recognition/identification, and said that his way of dealing with his depression was to, in a sense, 'step out of himself' when he could sense that those feelings were coming on.