Just an Explanation
(Note--This thread was originally a request to have my account here terminated. A mod changed the title for me, as per a request, which I appreciate. PMs from several people have made me think it'd be better just to explain why I've been so combative and reactionary, rather than just to leave here.)
I just wanted to give you guys an explanation for my recent behavior, my fightiness, my reactionary ways etc. I've been very stressed out and incredibly depressed and on edge. It is a combination of a lot of factors both IRL and online. I've said many a thing I regret and will have to live with on the internet; I am dealing with a myriad of personal issues including watching my mother currently die slowly of liver failure. My father has substance abuse issues (which cause him to be emotionally and verbally abusive) and his abuse has only gotten worse over the last few years, particularly the last few months--He has been doing this since around 1998. These and a lot of other RL things have spilled over into the internet--into things I am passionate over--and I have been acting irrationally because right now with all the RL things going on I'm a bit of a mess.
It's been like this for about a year or two now--My real life has become increasingly worse over the last two to two and a half years due to the aforementioned family problems and other family problems and the problems I've been facing have bled over to my online "life" (really the only means of 'venting' I have, to be honest).
I've been incredibly reactionary and easily agitated/angered,, willing to fight, not open to debate, and at times stupidly irrational which has led me into a great deal of really petty arguments/debates etc, most of which in the past happened between me and Phoenix Online.
I just find my recent behavior here to be the last straw for myself--I am making an ass out of myself, to be blunt, as I have a habit of doing, and I don't want anyone to think I'm a nut--I just want people to realize that the last two and a half years have been hell for me and it's caused me to act out in ways I shouldn't have. Basically, to sum it up, I think I need a break, until hopefully my real life is more settled. I'll always love Sierra games and everything associated with them--For me Sierra and it's games represented the happiest memories of my childhood. I just feel I need a bit of a break until my life sorts itself out.
At the very least, if people could just understand where I'm coming from at times--That I'm not some reactionary loon, or simply an asshole--I think I'd get on better around here. One of the things I always loved about the Sierra community was that it felt like an actual COMMUNITY--At least over at POS--People did often divulge information about their personal lives and troubles and received sympathy or support. I was always raised to keep things like this close to my collar, to keep secrets, to not really talk about my feelings in order to keep my father from getting in trouble and so I've only shared these things with just a few select people. I'm willing to stick around, I suppose, I do hope my temper improves. I don't know what is best really at this point--on any front. This thread was originally a request to have this account terminated. I'm not a control freak by any stretch but when one's life feels like it's totally out of their control and has gone down the tubes, I'd imagine it'd be a little disheartening, to say the least.
Last edited by Anakin Skywalker; 05/24/2012 at 08:51 pm.