Pocahontas as McGann and Mulan as Eccleston seem very natural fits as well, but yeah, Rapunzel's the stand-out.
Having now finished The Eternity Clock (which ends on a cliffhanger I dearly hope will never be resolved), I thought you guys might like to know what's written in River's Diary, which you collect fragments off throughout the game. I couldn't make it out on my old SD-TV, but now I've gotten a nice HD one, I can actually see what's written there and type it up for you guys to read. It's actually pretty interesting!
I'll probably notes to explain things - I'll put those in italics to differentiate between what appears in the diary and my own additions. And with that, here we go!
Page One [Note - the pages have numbers to the sides of them in the menu - the page numbers aren't written in the diary itself. I'm just putting which page is which in bold for clarification]
Expedition to the Library
Lux expedition checklist
- Get hold of Prof Gillipan Nexton's "A Closed Book? Leading Theories on the Sealing of the Library"
- Contact Strackman about payment of my advance (don't think his wallet's seen the light of day this century)
- Visit British Museum 4.0 - check out their Node technology. Familiarise.
- Check background of Felman Lux & family - hiding something? Probably not important.
- Lost a few pounds. New space suit!
- Check navigation routes. Land on moon?
- Buy New batteries for the sonic. [Note - yes, that capitol N on 'New' is how it's written]
- Roast chicken for packed lunches.
How to pilot the TARDIS
He calls it the zig-zag plater. I think it's a sparkplug.
Handbrake. Remember to tick lock-switch to the left - then it's silent and he won't notice when you move it. (DOWN is OFF)
Vortex stabilizers. Don't think he's even SEEN these.
Randomiser. Don't know why he still has it - but it's fun to switch it on when he's not looking!
When he puts these up, push them back down ASAP.
And when he pushes THESE down, run for cover. [Note - there's a sketch of the TARDIS console in the bottom right of the page, but nothing to indicate what the last two sentences are referring to.]
The spoilers of Lake Silencio
22nd April 2011 (second time round)
Sometimes you can bite your tongue so hard it hurts. It hurts so much, you want to scream - so you just bite down harder and don't make a sound.
He's an idiot. The biggest idiot in the universe. Poor Amy, and poor Rory having to watch that. I know he has his plans, his grand schemes to mould history into a shape he likes, but does he have to keep them under whatever hat is his favourite that week? (A Stetson? Really? That's like seeing your physics teacher in a nightclub. ALL WRONG.)
I fired at the astronaut - shooting at myself - and I did the whole noble "It's no use" thing, just for appearances. Look. I don't mind lying (heaven knows, he and I would nave no kind of relationship without it), but I don't like telling someone else's untruths.
Page Four [Note - the rest of the diary is one long story, with each page following on from the previous]
If he pulls something like this again, I will take that blessed bow tie and wring his neck with it.
The Birth of River Song
Talk about the morning after. The last thing I know, I was someone else entirely. And then today I wake up in a hospital bed, totally at the tender mercy of these Sisters of the infinite Schism, and try to cope with the fact that I'm not who I thought I was.
I am River Song.
So where does that leave me? The new me - or the old me, both are as lost as each other. All I have is a bag of clothes (I think Amy picked them out for me - too many short skirts) and a little blue book. This little blue book. They didn't leave me a pen. The nurses had to look around for ages, eventually phoning out to the nearest antiques store. Don't they know how hard it is to find a biro in the 52nd Century?
There was something folded within the pages, right there at the start of this book. A business card. "Professor Artem Candy. Dept. of Antiquities. Luna University" - and then something else. A string of numbers calling itself a "comlink code". Well why not? I mean, who else is going to help me get what I want?
Now I wonder if these nurses can help me with the "comlink" thing..?
An Unearthly Mess
I couldn't help myself! He used to have the worst swiss-cheese memory, so I knew that meeting his first incarnation wouldn't upset too many apple carts. There wasn't any chance he would remember me. Just one blast of the vortex manipulator, and there he would be. The man I love, wearing his very first face. It didn't go well. He lived in a scrapyard! A scrapyard! This was "blending in", I imagine - though why anyone would try to keep a low profile by being Albert Steptoe in 1963, I have no idea.
Anyway the second he saw me snooping around the gates he lurched at me, waving his walking stick like a weapon. "And what do you think you're doing?" The point of the stick was aimed right between my eyes. "Hmm? This is private, yes, private property, you can't just be where you wantever to be". [Note - Yes, that's EXACTLY what it says.]
He has had more erudite selves.
Then I heard her voice calling out from the street - "Grandfather?". My hand leapt to the manipulator and I got out of there in a shot. That is a conversation I am not ready for yet!
The Many Faces of River's Sweetie
One: Grumpy Rude. Hangs out with teachers - boring! And the worst taste in hats. I missed the fez.
Two: Fun, but wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Offered to show me "this cool place on Telos", but I saw right through that (And I hope he chokes on that recorder). [Note - no mention of hats? FOR SHAME.]
Three: Now we're talking! Hair like a lion. Velvet and frills. Amazing gourmand. We had a lot to talk about. [Note - Gourmand. In short, it's someone who takes great pleasure in food.]
Four: Good hair. Good hat. He has fourteen of those scarves. All the same. They take up a whole room all to themselves.
Five: Very sweet but strangely short-tempered. Also obsessed with some place called the Eye of Harmony. A nightclub? [Note: The Eye of Harmony. Strange how River claims the Fifth Doctor is obsessed by it, since it's only mentioned in The Deadly Assassin - a 4th Doctor story - and the TV movie.
Six: I fear this was the payoff to all those conversations with Three. He was aiming for my hair and fell some way short. Also, is that what it looks like when you put clowns through a wood chipper?
Seven: Surprisingly Scottish! Always thinks big. Would have loved to have gotten my hands on that jumper - and thrown it into the nearest supernova.
Eight: Velvet and frills again? So passť. But oh my word - GREAT DIGS! Got lost in the cloisters one afternoon - could have sword I heard some American begging to be let out.
Nine: Leather jacket. Funny accent. Big ears. And don't mention the war!
NOTE: Need to buy more mnemosine recall-wipe vapour. Can't keep hopping into my sweetie's life without it! [Note: this appears to essentially be retcon pills from Torchwood, albeit in a gas form. This is the first time it appears in Doctor Who lore, so... first?]
Page Eight [Note - two sections of this page are crossed out with a black marker and are illegible - you'll know them when I get to them. There's also two lines of text that are grey and blend into the page. I'll put those in spoiler tags. Finally, there's also a paragraph that's been crossed out, but is still just about legible. I'll cross that one out.]
The Discovery of the Eternity Clock
Found an old ship just floating in space, where no ship should be. Edge of the
stern. Strange readings fr
I'm having the weirdest day. I can remember waking up, but then... What? This is the tenth day of the expedition and we're no closer to finding the wreck. We check the scanners again and again but the space here is just... empty.
Not empty. We just can't see it. It keeps moving.
I keep standing by the viewscreen as if expecting to see something.
I did see it. A vast hulk - like no ship I'd seen before. Huge, black like oil. It sucked in the starlight. And in its heart, something burning. A furnace? But ticking Energies so
I wonder how long we'll wait before we give up, turn around and head home?
I don't want to find it again.
Spiders, Metebelis Three: Who likes spiders, right? What about eight foot spiders with voices like mice being minced. KILLED MY BELOVED. Not to be trifled with. Bring rolled-up newspaper.
Zygons: Unbelievably ugly. They look like an octopus mated with Humpty Dumpty (They do not respond well to "What's up, suckers?"). But on the plus side, they have their own pet Loch Ness Monster!
Pakhar: Hamster people. Let me... Just... Hamster. People.
Onelorvians: Tortoise people. More intimidating than the Pakhar, due to guns and complete willingness to use them. Planetary anthem has 185 verses, each of them terrible.
Raxacoricofalapatorians: Fat slimy baby-faced aliens. They try to tell you that the worst of their race were wiped out with the Slitheen facily line, but don't believe them. They're all foul.
The Ballad of Jim the Fish
Anteria XVI Cordabane dig site. Day 65
This has been the most tedious excavation ever. I never thought it would end. But today. Oh, today.
Jim would find this hilarious if he were here. There was this one time - 48th Century, I think, in a bar run by the Brotherhood of Maldovar - my sweetheart took Jim and me out for karaoke. I don't remember much, it was all a blur - but I do remember "Islands in the Stream" and the video recorder. We lost the tape afterwards. Never even gave it a second's thought, I don't think.
Til today. We just unearthed a series of paintings on huge sandstone slabs. We're not totally sure how they were formed - but that's him, that's Jim the Fish, in that suit, in that hair, singing that song. Gills flaring. Teeth sparkling under the glitterball.
Each tablet seems to represent a different line in the song. There are symbols, and Sissibeth says he's seen something like them before. He reads the words "peace unknown", "tender love", "dedication"... We think these people built some sort of religion of love around the images. Oh Jim!
I'm just grateful that the parts of the video featuring me don't seem to be represented. But we're still digging...