DETECTIVE (VO):
When you've walked down the filthy crime-ridden streets of this forum as long as I have, you've seen it all. No-good low-life two-bit thugs swarming across the threads like body lice on a hobo, respawning like life is set on the maximum difficulty setting, taking all your hopes and dreams, and crushing them flatter than a flapjack at a greasy spoon diner where they never even give you enough maple syrup, the eggs have little bits of shell in them, and the coffee, like the forum, is cold and bitter. All I know is, the dreams of a washed-up gamer and delusions of winning a poll don't amount to a bucket of fish in this crazy mixed-up world. But I'm not here for contests. I'm here for justice. I'm a detective.
FADE TO BLACK
END
P.S. Thanks, Falanca!