The Depression and Advice Thread

[DAISHI]

I'm not saying online relationships don't have benefits, but optimal interaction requires face to face contact. I see online relationships as beneficial, but also as a stepping stone.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Hayden

This is true. However, it is better than nothing. Sharing his current struggles with us will probably do Davies a whole world of good in comparison to not letting it out at all. But there's a lot of merit to what you say; it doesn't quite compare to the real, entirely organic nature of direct person-to-person communication. That's not to say that online/textual communication can't be of use in an emotional context. Just to re-iterate, it's better than nothing.

What you say is true. However, I feel that I must point out that I do have friends in the real world. Good friends at that. The problem is that I don't like to complain about my situation to them as I feel that I'm being selfish by doing so.

For some reason it just felt easier to vent my frustration to the peeps on this forum. Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. I'm feeling a lot better than I was when I made that video.

Long may this thread continue and I hope that it can bring hope to others, as it has to me.

[presidentmax]

deleted post, don't want to leave this rant here, feel like a jerk for making a big deal about it. Sorry

[Iryon]

At least you had a good time together.

Edit: If this post doesn't make any sense to you, it is probably because it refers to presidentmax's now edited post.
(If it does make sense to you, you either still remember the previous version or you have developed a psychosis.)

[GaryCXJk]

Originally Posted by Secret Fawful

Right now my life is so good I'm afraid because I know a down is coming at some point. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I have extremely loving parents. I have my DREAM job and the beginning of my dream career. I have an ever-growing skill at art, game design, and writing. I have the ability to watch and critically study any movie or piece of art I choose. I'm living in my own dream.

Perhaps this fear will be good in the long run, seeing as you now know what it is to be depressed, and will probably cope better with what is to come. You know how much it sucks to be depressed, and knowing that, it might just be a way to "get over it" quicky. And with that I mean, you'll be able to recognize it now.

Don't know how to explain this well. Point is, knowing how it feels like to be depressed may help in getting less depressed the next time it hits.

[KuroShiro]

As someone who spent many years struggling with manic depression, I feel your pain here. Everyone is different so it generally ranges from hard to futile to give advice regarding depression, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

1). Don't be afraid to get therapy. It can help a lot if you find a good therapist, as can medication.

2). Identify what external factors are causing you to be depressed, and eliminate them. This is definitely the hardest thing to do for a few reasons, the largest of which is that there aren't always external factors. It also tends to involve huge changes in your life which are difficult enough for someone who isn't already depressed. But breaking the cycle you are in is important, and a change of scenery can do wonders.

3). Realize when feelings of depression are "incoming", and replace them with other emotions. Since the general malaise tends to make positive emotions impossible, negative emotions can work just as well. i.e. getting pissed off at yourself rather than just down on yourself.

Anyway, those are three things that helped me. It is possible to deal with depression and anxiety, even if they never entirely go away.

[Giant Tope]

I feel that knowing the fact that I will never be happy forever sort of eases the pain of sadness in some ways. As humans, we are built to never be completely satisfied. If this were the case, we'd never have a reason get better at something.

Because of this, I can sort of step back and say "Well, I finally got this right and it makes me happy. Now what's the next step?" Being in a constant state of on my toes in a sense sort of slows the onset of either inevitable depression or inevitable boredom.

This, however, helps me as a person who is not clinically depressed. Or at least, I've never been diagnosed. Either way, it should be mentioned that what works for one I don't expect at all to work for all.

[proudmama]

So is this your depression speaking or is it you?

Depression can go deep into your soul and surface in many creative ways. The depth of your suffering is in your writing and your reading . Start with one very small step each day ,be consistent in doing it,and just allow yourself to just "Be" . Know that you are loved .

[Giant Tope]

It's not depression saying this. If anything, it's realist optimism I guess? By figuring the patterns of my ups and downs in life, I realize that happiness is a thing of upkeep and the cycling depression can be lessened by always looking to better myself.

[Davies]

I think that sometimes the reason a cliché is a cliché is because it's true. On that note; laughter is the best medicine (well okay, not always but certainly often). Anyway, the video linked below certainly made me laugh out loud for the first time in weeks and left me with a smile on my face, a skip in my step, a purr to my engine... um, you get the idea!

If 'JAWS' was a Disney movie.

[Hayden]

Originally Posted by VeronicanPlay

Well I won't say I have a full blown depression, but I have had a rough life that has really torn me apart. It's only now I am slowly gluing back the pieces, it's a slow process but I am taking one tiny step at a time.

So what I have is Social Anxiety, and Low Self-Esteem. It has developed over my years in school, which is the case for must people.
I was always the target for bullies, and people would ignore me and shun me.

Another thing is I don't feel worthy of anything, I never feel I am worthy of posting on this forum, just because I don't sound smart enough.
I envy people for being able to form sentences better than me, and people who can discuss and I can't. I always feel my arguments are never true and therefore I never participate in discussions.

I hate doing mistakes, even the smallest mistake makes me feel like a monster because I did it and didn't see it as a mistake my self, I always hate when I have been told it was a mistake and I didn't see it my self.

Sometimes I can pretend I am two people and have a go at my self, so I say hurt full things that make me cry, but at the same time it makes me feel good because I am punishing my self.
Before I used to hit my self in the head with big books.

In a young age I began playing computer games, and so I fled in to that world where everything was much better than real life.

So I lived my life alone with my games, have believed for years I can't do anything. I would never go anywhere because I was afraid to talk to people, and when ever I had to talk to strangers, I would get panic attacks days before I had to go.
At one point I felt everything was hopeless and I would never in my dreams finish my education. I didn't have what it took, I was not smart enough.

But now here I am, 2 years later and I am 1 month away from fully finishing my education at my work placement, and I have completed my exams with very high grades.
And I seriously think my education and my job has helped me open up more, as it involves interacting with a lot of people.

But when I think about it, I don't seriously think bullying was who made me the way I am, yes it's a contributing factor, but I think it's just how I developed as I was always on my own and was never taught different as I was never interacting with anyone.

It's really nice to hear that you're slowly gaining this confidence in yourself, and are no longer letting your problems get in the way of your aspirations and your life in general.

Besides, I think most of your problems have come largely from you being your biggest critic: something we're all often capable (and culpable) of. One thing to remember, though, is that nobody thinks as harshly of your mistakes and flaws as you do, and nobody dwells upon your mistakes to the level that you do. Only you think about your mistakes and your imperfections for extended periods of time. Most of the time, if you make a mistake, do something stupid, or embarrass yourself slightly in front of someone, they're only going to spend a few moments thinking about it before soon forgetting it. And if you have some sort of weird, undesirable quirk in your personality, people won't devote the same hours that you spend wishing it away. Either they'll overlook it, forget about it, or forgive you for it. And, if they don't - if they judge you for it, mock you for it, or malign you for it - then that person simply isn't worth worrying about.

This is something that I keep in mind when I find myself wishing I hadn't done/said something stupid, or whenever I find myself lacking confidence in one of my personality traits. I just remember that nobody judges me more than I do, because, in reality, they really don't care as much as I think they do.

Obviously, adopting this mindset isn't easy, because insecurity is very much an independent, involuntary thought/feeling. But the 'nobody-is-a-bigger-critic-than-I-am' idea is one worth trying to remember, and very much worth calling to mind when you're feeling insecure, stupid or regretful.

Also: In regards to forum posting, it's kind of an acquired art. The only way to get better at it is just to do it more. I encourage you to post your thoughts wherever you have any. And you don't always have to formulate your thoughts into an argument either; just present them and give your perspective, because you never know what parts of your post people might find valuable, and what threads of your comment people might pick and run with.

And if you're too uncomfortable in doing that, then just stick to topics that you're knowledgeable about. There are a lot of threads that I don't post in at all because I know I don't have much knowledge in that field or on that topic, and therefore probably can't present something very insightful, or can't offer anything at all. So, generally, I'll just stick to what I know (or what I think I know), and sometimes venture into unknown territory if I'm feeling brave.

Originally Posted by Davies

What you say is true. However, I feel that I must point out that I do have friends in the real world. Good friends at that. The problem is that I don't like to complain about my situation to them as I feel that I'm being selfish by doing so.

I thought this was probably the case (don't worry, I didn't view you as a friendless, lonely recluse, in case you were worrying ).
This is the situation that I think a lot of depressed people are in; they have a decent group of reliable, close friends, but none of whom they feel 'right' sharing with. Sometimes that can be due to the fact that you're uncomfortable in doing that, since it's 'not that kind' of friendship. Or yes, like you said, you can feel selfish, or feel that you'd be overwhelming the person. And I think this is why depression builds in some people, is because there's a slight sense of frustration, and maybe even hopelessness; you're surrounded by numerous people who are good friends, but none of whom you can comfortably share your problems with. There are all these people who could serve as emotional outlets, and you may consider laying your struggles on them, but are haunted by the trepidation that accompanies that notion - thoughts like "what if I tarnish this stable relationship by doing this?", "what if they'll view me differently as a result of this?", "what if I'll overwhelm them, and, as a friend, unwillingly scare them away somewhat?". These people provide a myriad of opportunities to relieve your emotional buildup, but none of them serve as a realistically possible outlet. And it's that frustration, and that feeling of being trapped, which can really worsen your depression; there's all these doorways, but no real way out.

Luckily, I've recently gotten a number of friends (well, two) who I can share honestly and openly with. I've always had a decent throng of friends, but for the the first time, I finally have a couple of people who I can converse with openly about things like love, faith, stress and (on a related note) depression. And having them has been such a positive thing in my life, and I get the feeling that I'd probably be in a pretty dark place if it weren't for them.

So, this is another thing that I would encourage - for people to either form or cultivate a friendship with someone to the point where you can be open with them. Try to establish a friendship with someone that isn't based on falseness; where you don't have to try to maintain a certain image. Find someone you don't have to pretend around, and who doesn't judge you for who you are at your core. Because these are the only people who you can truly vent to, and people like that are a necessity in living a happy life.

Originally Posted by KuroShiro

2). Identify what external factors are causing you to be depressed, and eliminate them. This is definitely the hardest thing to do for a few reasons, the largest of which is that there aren't always external factors. It also tends to involve huge changes in your life which are difficult enough for someone who isn't already depressed. But breaking the cycle you are in is important, and a change of scenery can do wonders.

3). Realize when feelings of depression are "incoming", and replace them with other emotions. Since the general malaise tends to make positive emotions impossible, negative emotions can work just as well. i.e. getting pissed off at yourself rather than just down on yourself.

These are both good pieces of advice, and they both stem from one thing - understanding and familiarizing yourself with your depression. If you know the ins and outs of your particular brand of depression, then you can predict its patterns and traits. From there, you can generally find a way to combat it. But even if you can't, at least having that awareness of it can give you a sense of comfort and a feeling of control over it.

Tim Burton actually had something pretty good to say on this topic of depression recognition/identification, and said that his way of dealing with his depression was to, in a sense, 'step out of himself' when he could sense that those feelings were coming on.

[RetroVortex]

I can relate to some of this.
While I don't suffer from depression per se, I do kind of swing into periods of despair.

The last one had to be during my last exams.
One day I just snapped, lobbed cake at my brother, and literally was lying down in the kitchen, curled up into a ball sobbing away.
Its all quite funny in hindsight, but thats pressure for you.
I let it build up over time, and something crazy just happens all at once.
Like a valve has been opened and all the steam rushes out.

But thats me, it sounds silly but I worry all the time.
I worry about myself, worry about whether I am good enough, worry about what I'm going to do when I finish uni, worry about the fact I can't decide a definite path in life, worry about whether or not I'm going to be able to make myself happy in the long run, worry about my physical and metal health, worry about whether I really deserve to be at uni in the first place, worry about my lack of self-esteem and confidence, and worry about the baggage retrieval system they got at Heathrow, (sorry couldn't help that one! XD)

So yeah, you get the picture, I always have a sort of self-awareness that never kind of turns of.

Its probably why I have several different hobbies and can never stick to anything. I need something to distract me from myself.
Its unhealthy. Its part of the reason why I find it hard to start my uni work.
Its why I never start any game projects, and why I never properly try to learn music.

I just jump between things, so I'm never truley good at anything.

And I struggle socially as well. I have my family, and maybe 1 or 2 friends to support me, and I worry that it might not be enough, and I find it hard to be able to sit down with someone and talk about my problems, (I don't want them to worry about me, and I don't want to be selfish, dumping my problems on them, they have their own problems to deal with).

And again, that above, what I just wrote in brackets, is just silly.
But I can't help it. I just can't bring myself to act selfishly.
The only person I ever confide my problems with is my best friend, and he's been so busy with work, and getting on after he quit uni, I just haven't been able to talk to him.
And as I'm typing, I can feel the despair just creeping up on me.

But typing here, on an annonymous forum helps. I have to get my thoughts out there somewhere. It helps me cope.

I may ramble on about stuff and make jokes, but really thats for my benefit, than anyone else's.
They probably aren't funny jokes, nor are they particularily clever, but on the internet it doesn't really matter. Its not like one of you guys is going to show up at my house and throw a pie in my face, so I don't feel as guilty posting my crap here.

Okay. I'm going to stop now. I'm rambling again, (I'm sure my rant seems childish compared to most people's ACTUAL problems with depression).

EDIT: Alright, I've convinced myself to type some more, (because despite my quiet exterior, I just LOVE to talk! ).

Okay, so one of the main things that is bugging me at the moment, is uni.
Not the academics, the people.
I've said before that I feel completely alien, and thats probably true, to most people, I am an alien.

But this example basically points out how different I actually am.

So for entrepreneurship, we had to create a creativity booster.

We had to present 4 pictures that had some sort of personal symbolic significance.
So most people, had pictures of food, fashion, holidays, and some had a bit of artwork or a quote.

And I suddenly become the elephant in the room.

So I chose, characters. Video Game characters, (and a general symbol of a web)
You know these characters kind of represented the creative values I found important.

I chose Minecraft. Well, the picture was a deviant art piece someone made of the default minecraft character.
Its a placeholder for the game itself.
As most of you guys know. Minecraft is a procedurally generated game. Basically infinite, and the possiblities of what can happen at what time is infinite as well.
(Sounds more spectular on paper than what it does when you're playing it! XD)
It represented the idea of unlimited creativity. A world of endless possiblity. I love that. The fact that anything could happen in life. I love the What if?

The next character was Arthur, from the Ghouls 'n Ghosts games.
I explained that the games were notorious for being difficult, and I can kind of look up to the "hero" type character. The ability to never give up, no matter how hard things get, is something I aspire to.
But it was also the idea of challenge. The ability to learn and adapt. To tweak one's actions till they succeed.

Then I chose Chrono.
He might be essentially a shell character, BUT, its the game he represents that is important.
The game in a nutshell involves a lot of time travel, looking to the past in order to secure the future.
Thats me. I play old videogames all the time, I champion the preservation of videogames.
I'm no historian, but I can appreciate the significance of history. It is important to be able to learn from the past. To be able to have exisiting idea materials, that can be tweaked, improved and repurposed.

Finally the spiderweb.
Its simple really. Its symbolic for the interconnectedness of life.
Thats kind of how my brain works. I make connections. I compare things. I try to tie up concepts together.
When I did English, I was the one who explained the metaphor, connected the author's ideas together to find further significance.
And again, videogames involve quite a bit of that. Puzzles. Things that can be connected together in order to acheive something.

So, I guess maybe I overdid it a little. Maybe I overwhelmed some people, but I was still pretty upset, that everyone on my table just had this bug-eyed look. A sense of complete bewilderment at what I had done.

You see I can be like that. I suck at mainstream academics, becuse I KNOW it was not meant for me.
I'm not a cram-book. A sardine.
I can't be pigeonholed into the same stuff other people do. I am quite wild.
I'm rubbish at exams and non-group coursework, because I am a perfectionist.
As soon as I have a time constraint, I panic.
I can't just remember loads of things and just regurgitate them in essay blocks. Because I don't think like that.
I'm a keen learner and researcher.
When I FINALLY get into a piece of work, I won't quit until its either at a level I am about 90% satisfied with, or if I have to abandon it to try to scrape together another piece, (becuase I spent too much time on the first peice of work).

I guess I am on a different plane of intelligence.
Not on the super boffin wagon, but still very far apart from my fellow contemporaries at university.
(Lets not forget, that quite a few people there are pretty smart. But again, those people tend to do well becuase they have a goal/direction/order in their minds, or they have a sort of collective intelligence. A group collaborating with each other to help each other get smart. I struggle to do either. Most of the time, I work alone, and I feel obligated to do everything else by myself without help. Heck, even when I'm stuck I won't ask anyone. I research until I get around it. I look on the topic forums, news threads, or just do more reading around the area until I understand it. The best group I ever was in was with the Swedish girls. They might have not understood me, but they respected me, and they had faith in me, but I could also trust them to do their part. We really got very good synergy with each other, even if they never were aware of it or didn't think much of it. (and I miss them. I miss that spirit ))

[Hayden]

RetroVortex, I don't think what you're writing about is childish at all, nor is it any less of an issue than depression. Stress and worry are still horrible things to endure, and can be just as pernicious as depression can be.

Your reasons behind your stress aren't juvenile either. A lot of things ride on whether or not you're successful in exams, and there's too much emphasis placed upon them in our modern, western education systems. This creates an enormous pressure for those of us who aren't particularly good at exams, or any sort of assessments with limited time restrictions.

Some people, such as yourself, work best in a relaxed environment free of pressure and time limitations. Some people need time to formulate and fully cultivate ideas, and need to be given a chance to fully realize concepts, and to make their work all that it can be. But those who decide the curriculum structure ignorantly and stupidly don't consider these people. And thus, those with a different (but, by no means inferior) mode of operating are unfortunately forced into a one-size-fits-all system which simply doesn't suit them.

You're the victim of an inequitable system, and you've got a right to be frustrated, annoyed and downright aggravated with the situation you're in.

Edit: Still, with that being said, you shouldn't let yourself be demoralized by the system, I'm just saying that you have a right to be angry at it.

[proudmama]

I felt for the majority of my life that I needed to apologize for my existence . It was probably the main factor In the decisions that I made ------ many of them not so healthy and at times destructive to my being. After many years I realized that happiness was only temporary . It is peace in Being that would become my goal. One small step at a time was easily attainable by me . Know that you are loved.

[Davies]

When I last started to grow a beard, I was thin. Today I shaved it off; I am fat!

My diet hasn't changed too much in the intervening time so what is going on?! Is it just because I'm older? Is this the fate I must accept; being a fat bastard?!

Oh gawd, am I low at the moment!

I'm going to start starving myself and cut back on the drinking.

[WarpSpeed]

You didn't look that fat in the photos to me, though it wasn't a full body pic. It's not like you have quadruple chins. My face is "fatter" now, too, than it was when I was in my 20s, so it may be a natural result of aging. I haven't heard anyone complain that my face is too fat.

(It's not how big your face is. It's what you do with it!)

[Davies]

Originally Posted by WarpSpeed

You didn't look that fat in the photos to me, though it wasn't a full body pic. It's not like you have quadruple chins. My face is "fatter" now, too, than it was when I was in my 20s, so it may be a natural result of aging.

Aye, to be fair; my body isn't too bad... it's mainly in the face, which is why I was so shocked at how fat it's become once I shaved off my beard.

As I fast approach the age of 30 (6 months to go), I'm starting to suspect that you are correct; it's the natural process of aging. Not that the extra weight stops being depressing as a result of this knowledge.

None the less, I'm going to stop eating takeaways, cut back on the snack foods and severely cut back on alcohol (something which I should have done a long time ago).

[puzzlebox]

Originally Posted by Davies

None the less, I'm going to stop eating takeaways, cut back on the snack foods and severely cut back on alcohol (something I should have done a long time ago).

I also responded in the other thread, but those sound like positive things to do regardless of any effect on your appearance.

[doodinthemood]

Nooo, not multi-quote!!!

Originally Posted by Davies

Yeah, that's why I decided to make a video. I didn't think that simply typing my thoughts would have conveyed my depression to the extent that I'm feeling it. That's the problem with forums and the Internet in general; it can be very impersonal.

On the other hand, it can be easier too. I only have one mate who I really talk to about this stuff, and I don't want to rely on him too much, so I whine on line instead. There's nothing to lose - it's not like they'll take the site down because of me... I hope

Originally Posted by Davies

I'm very sorry to hear that; have you got in touch with your GP/doctor regarding therapy or perhaps some form of medication (such as an anti-depressant)?

Yeah. The second time I was sectioned I got put on a treatment order, included anti-ds and anxiolytics. Been on and off about 20 different things over the years. I really don't like them to be honest. If there's one thing I value, it's my ability to think, and they all seem to interfere with that. Whatever I'm on, my chess ability will go down, I'll be less able to concentrate, and I won't be able to learn as much ("There were originally 4 rice krispies elves. The fourth, pow, represented the explosive nutritional content." - My life is for meaningless but interesting facts like that ).
There's also a bit of conflict between me and the Psychs because I don't personally believe depression in the medical sense exists. I think most people have perfectly legitimate reasons for unhappiness, and this could be worked out and have things improved. That seems to be lost when we just label someone as ill, give medication and leave it to be corrected as you would fix an insulin deficiency or an infection.
I've had maybe 100 sessions with Psychologists/Counsellors/etc. instead. These are more pleasant, but doesn't do much. I think partly it's because I studied/study Psychology, and so much like a magician trying to perform to an audience of magicians, a lot of the impact is lost.

Originally Posted by Davies

Well, since posting my earlier video I decided to cheer myself up by writing the first draft of a short story that's been on my mind for well over a year now. I'm going to do a couple more passes on it in order to tighten it up and then I'll be recording a reading and posting it online for people to listen to. That's generally the key to cheering me up; creativity (that and booze but drinking is a very temporary solution and not good for you).

Also, as you say; music's good too. Though, I'm never sure if I should put on an album which reflects my mood, such as Dark Side of the Moon or a happy upbeat album, in opposition to my mood.

Oh wow. Have you ever looked to getting something published? A load of magazines will publish amateur short stories. I'd be really proud if I could write. I can do music kinda (song last year about RatherDashing - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WveqcHHtzDU ).

And that's a shame about doodo! being banned.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

Oh wow. Have you ever looked to getting something published? A load of magazines will publish amateur short stories.

It's actually something I've considered doing but I want to get as much practice as possible in first. If you haven't already, then please let me know what you think of my short story here.

Any feedback will be extremely useful. Thanks.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

I'd be really proud if I could write. I can do music kinda...

Funnily enough, I'd be really proud if I could play piano to the standard that you do. Sure, I can knock out a few power chords on guitar but I'm noting special. I believe that no matter what someone's talent is, they'll always be looking in envy towards someone else's talent.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WveqcHHtzDU ).

That was great, in spite of some minor technical problems. Also, I've left a comment underneath the video.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

And that's a shame about doodo! being banned.

Aye, it certainly is. I suspect that Doodo! could have made use of this thead to some extent. Wherever he is, I hope he's happy.