The Depression and Advice Thread

[proudmama]

after suffering from major depressive episodes I know that there is a vast difference between unhappiness and depression . Unhappiness does not put you into a hellhole that permeates your entire being . I am so very happy to get relief. Yes I am a a less compassionate person and I miss that part of me but I laugh ,smile and dance now and am thankful for having lived my life. When I say "know that you are loved" I do not mean it in a trite ,,superficial way. The fact that you are sharing says that you love yourself enough to share. The fact that strangers will spend time reading and responding says that they Love
You. Not the mushy ,gooey , at times hypocritical love , but you are a fellow human being and i will take some of the precious limited minutes of my life and hope my words will give you an iota of peace. Peace to you .

[Davies]

Originally Posted by proudmama

after suffering from major depressive episodes I know that there is a vast difference between unhappiness and depression . Unhappiness does not put you into a hellhole that permeates your entire being.

That's very true. I believe that statistically only one in four people will experience depression at some point in their lives. I know people who've never had depression and they have a had time understanding the symptoms of those who suffer.

Originally Posted by proudmama

I am so very happy to get relief. Yes I am a a less compassionate person and I miss that part of me but I laugh ,smile and dance now and am thankful for having lived my life.

I'm unsure of just how compassionate you were in the past but I can assure you that you certainly come across as a genuine, kind and certainly compassionate person. Also, no matter how old you are, no matter how depressed; there's always room for a laugh, a smile and yes, even a dance.

Originally Posted by proudmama

When I say "know that you are loved" I do not mean it in a trite ,,superficial way. The fact that you are sharing says that you love yourself enough to share. The fact that strangers will spend time reading and responding says that they Love
You. Not the mushy ,gooey , at times hypocritical love , but you are a fellow human being and i will take some of the precious limited minutes of my life and hope my words will give you an iota of peace. Peace to you .

Aw, you see... that's the compassionate side of yourself that I was referring to.

[Johro]

I am comfortable in darkness.

Okay, I was avoiding this thread for a period of time. I was waiting until all the "think happy thoughts" posts were all done and over with. I was diagnosed at age 8 with a form of clinical depression. At this time it was almost constant. Okay, who here had serious thoughts of suicide in grade 3? Anybody? No? All right, I'm the only one screwed up here.

After seeing a psychiatrist(the whole time) and being medicated for a steady ten years(for that, and a few other chemical imbalance problems), I opted out of the medication route. Don't worry, this isn't turning into a finding Jesus story. So, after high school, I got a job and pretty much did nothing but collect movies and sit alone watching them for a good few years. Through this time, the depression(which, in my case, can be triggered by any little thing), became less constant and I was able to think in an introspective manner.

Eventually, I came to terms with my inability to control what happens around me and what will inevitably happen to me in the future. I came to understand the darker side of myself and the darker thoughts which accompany it. Some times, the thought progression of "there's nothing I can do about it, why dwell on it, think of something else" does work, but other times, it just hits and can stay with me for hours or even days with nothing I can do about it.

There lies my point that many others, even most of those who get bouts of depression, just don't understand. Some times, there's nothing you can do. There's no amount of love, no amount of money(except if you choose to spend it doping yourself up on psychiatrist prescribed drugs that really mess with you after long term usage...trust me), no amount of happy thoughts, no secret password that can make it go away, besides time. You have to find the will within yourself to ride it through, to just keep going. Hey, it beats the alternative... Make life rue the day it thought it could give you lemons!

I have a loving family and a loving girlfriend. They are well aware of this problem, but I do my best not to drag them through it. I do my best to keep it inside. Sympathy and depression really do not mix. Think of it as someone trying to joke around with you when you are really pissed off. It's similar in the way that it just makes it worse. Plus, then they feel bad on your behalf.

I hold my thoughts to myself, I suffer in silence, my name is Robert and I'm comfortable in darkness.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Johro

I am comfortable in darkness.

Okay, I was avoiding this thread for a period of time. I was waiting until all the "think happy thoughts" posts were all done and over with. I was diagnosed at age 8 with a form of clinical depression. At this time it was almost constant. Okay, who here had serious thoughts of suicide in grade 3? Anybody? No? All right, I'm the only one screwed up here.

Johro, Sir; I like you but that's some bullshit that you've just typed right there. You're the only one who's screwed?! Many of us have problems and all of them different in our own way. Okay, so I didn't feel suicidal in grade 3 but the number 3 and the word suicide still have relevance to me, seeming as I've attempted suicide on three occasions (the last time, I came very, very close to succeeding).

The point is that you're not alone in your depression and by saying things like "I'm the only one screwed up here" is an injustice to the problems that many others face. In life, there's always someone better off than you and there's always someone who's worse off than you.

I hope you don't take my words too harshly. After all, you're one of my favourite forum members but I felt I had to say something in response to your post.

I hold my thoughts to myself, I suffer in silence, my name is Robert and I'm comfortable in darkness.

You may be comfortable but I think that it's really important for you to express your feelings to others. It doesn't have to be black and white, it doesn't have to be either "I'll talk about my depression with others" or "I won't mention it". There is a happy medium.

Either way, talking about such things on a forum is at least something.

[Johro]

Originally Posted by Davies

Johro, Sir; I like you but that's some bullshit that you've just typed right there. You're the only one who's screwed?! Many of us have problems and all of them different in our own way.

I did not intend that part to undermine the problems others face and I do apologise for that and as well for attempting to make light of the matter, which is one of the ways I cope. The statement regarding being eight years old was still true though and is extremely rare. Even a few child psychologists couldn't figure it out as most childhood issues are fairly straight forward and mine wasn't so. At the time I had no experiences with death, all my relatives were alive, so their solution? Put him on a lower dosage adult medication. Doping your kids with Prozac wasn't "in" at the time and after being switched around through various pills, I ended up on Zoloft. By the time I was a teenager, I was on a maximum dosage and started having problems with general thought processing. I started to do rather poorly in school even though I am fairly intelligent(may not seem like it here as I wasn't too big on reading and writing growing up, as I had bigger problems, so my vocabulary isn't as vast as some people), a poster boy for negative long term effect issues. So I stopped that. Anyway, death will have to take me kicking and screaming if it wants me now. Pvt. F.C. Hudson style, baby.

[KuroShiro]

Originally Posted by Johro

I hold my thoughts to myself, I suffer in silence, my name is Robert and I'm comfortable in darkness.

You could be on the cover of a Nine Inch Nails album.

[proudmama]

I am not very good with the copy part so I will do the best I can.Dear Robert
At such a young age it must have been a frightening experience to go through what you did ,but you are no longer that child. I think many of us have experiences as young children that leaves a profound wound and then manifests itself in various facets of our life. It is interwoven with who we are and who we really are. what you experienced was horrendous and always will be but you are no longer that child.I know that I do not know the answer for you,but I bet deep down in the dark you do.I do not know your age but I hope that you will find peace,not happiness ,but peace.I believe that you know that your life has value . I can tell by how you have struggled and survived . The remark about the age is meant that you are still young in years because it takes a lot of courage and maturity in a quest for peace .I hope that I did not sound that I take your letter lightly because I did not

[RetroVortex]

Well I've gone back into another slump.

Just... I dunno... down. Really down.

Haven't slept properly in the last few days. Been trying to get up early to work on assignments, but just can't concentrate.

I mean, its not like I've not had the time to do at least one, because I have, and if this was a few months ago, then maybe I could have done it, but my brain just isn't letting me work.

I just got a horrible migrane today. Its so bad its almost making my physically cry.
Have to come back in for attendance.
Haven't been in the last three weeks. Been trying to do my assignments, but just couldn't focus my attention on them.

I sent a email to the course leader for help, but it looks like he's given up on caring about me now.

I mean, I was fine, but now I just want to die.
I'm not even joking. I'd rather just cease to be than have to put up with this headache any longer.

I'm missing my best friend. Haven't seen him in months. I miss him so much.

And I'm just not gelling with anyone here. People seem to judge me all the time, at least, I feel that way.

I'm probably being stupid, its probably the sadness, lonliness and paranio talking, but being such the odd person I am, I'm not sure.

I just want to thrown all this uni business in the bin. Its just too much for me.
I know I'm not 100% interested in management anymore, in fact, maybe I never was.

I just wish I wasn't pressured by society, my parents, even by myself into going to uni, and instead just doing what makes me happy.

All Uni has given me, is thousands of pounds of student debt, an overdraft, a headache, and losts of misery.

My best friend was the lucky one, I wish I was as brave as him, and bail out, but I'm afraid.
Fear. Such a powerful drug. Forces people to do things they don't want to or would even think about doing.

My parents wouldn't understand if I quit. I know they want whats best for me, they want me to get on in life, they have been indoctrinated by society glorifying degrees.

And thats the thing, degrees these days are barely worth the paper they are written on.
Sure some degrees for specialist jobs are great, but the rest, though they have their uses, they aren't worth much in the job environment.

In a world where almost everyone has a degree, its experience and skills that count.

Whats the point of all this knowledge if you can't apply it. Most of it is just going to waste.

Hell, I'm much happier practicing the guitar, or designing games, or twiddling with software and hardware, because I get to learn, apply that learning, and use it for future use.
That is worth more than 100 degrees!

Happiness. Thats all I really want in life. Is it really so hard to attain?

EDIT: Look at all those mistakes. How pathetic!
This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm in no state to do any assignments.
I just want to go to bed!
Oh God! The more depressed I get, the worse this headache gets.

I just want to get this stupid tutorial done, go home and hopefully, unbrick my PSP.

EDIT 2: And thats the thing! I'm not even stupid or lazy really, (well maybe a little lazy..).
I could outperform most of the people here at uni. I'm good at going out and learning stuff and applying that learning, but I just don't have the drive or the focus for it.

EDIT 3: I don't want to drag you guys down by dumping this on you, but no one seems to be listening at home or at uni.
They can't help but see me as being over dramatic, or lazy and making excuses, but I don't think I am.
I mean, they obviously can't read my mind on this one, and well even i can't capture all the malignant thought attacks my own mind has been hitting me with over the last few weeks.

I just want to do something else. Pack up the board game, put the cards away, close the book, you get what I mean...

EDIT 4: See that above ^

Thats what my mind is like at the moment.
A flurry of random thoughts and emotions.

I should go and see an non-biased quack for once.

EDIT 5: I mean I know we all have to do stuff we don't like in life, but doing something you don't like every day for hours on end and its slowly crippling your ability to think and care, is just a bit cruel.

[proudmama]

Well I posted a long reply and it somehow disappeared so I will attempt to summarize . Please see a specialist re ? Of migraine cause. It could be neurological,endocrinological,or hormonal so many reasons that are treatable.
2 remember that you have a right ,and deserve the right to exist on this planet the same as everyone else. your life has value .
3 I wish I could help share your pain but I can't, but I will share time to read and respond to your notes
4 when I was in the hospital I chose to lock the rest of the world out .I was free
5 Happiness is overrated. I will take Peace of mind .
6 Sometimes , all you can do is "just be"

how do i tell my family that i am a brony without getting embarassed

[Hayden]

Originally Posted by proudmama

Well I posted a long reply and it somehow disappeared

Now this makes me depressed. I hate forgetting to copy my colossal posts, and have them eaten by the forum.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by seibert999

how do i tell my family that i am a brony without getting embarassed

1/ I hope you realise that I was only joking about it in the 'Whatever's on Your Mind' thread. I don't often outwardly take things seriously in life and like to be jovial towards people. I guess that it's my own way of coping with my ever lasting depression.

2/ Consider whether your family really needs to know that you enjoy watching a particular show. My family doesn't know about half of the specific elements of entertainment that I'm interested in and that's fine with me. Why do you feel the need to tell them?

3/ If you do want to tell them, then I don't think that you should feel embarrassed for enjoying a harmless show. Try telling them in a casual way, just drop it into regular conversation. For example...

"Oh, by the way; I caught a bit of the modren reboot for the 'My Little Pony' show on TV and it's actually surprisingly well written and funny for a kids show, a bit like Spongebob in that respect."

"Apparently there's a whole load of adults, many of whom are men, who dig the show too. We're affectingly known as "bronys". [laugh]"

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Hayden

Now this makes me depressed. I hate forgetting to copy my colossal posts, and have them eaten by the forum.

Haha, it just happened to me with my previous attempt to reply to your post! No, that's not a joke but it is most definitely ironic (not to mention infuriating).

Know that I feel your pain. It happens to me all the time because I use the crappy PS3 browser to surf the Internet. Keep trying to remember to copy your text every time prior to posting, that way it'll soon become second nature. Take comfort knowing that you're not alone.

Unfortunately, my shitty browser only allows me to copy a couple of sentences (starting with the quote), therefore any posts that I do lose are guaranteed to be the lengthy ones! Furthermore, I have to use my PlayStation control pad to type every post, so retyping is especially painful. I guess you can take further comfort knowing that there's always somebody worse off than yourself.

[Hayden]

Originally Posted by RetroVortex

Well I've gone back into another slump.

Just... I dunno... down. Really down.

Haven't slept properly in the last few days. Been trying to get up early to work on assignments, but just can't concentrate.

I mean, its not like I've not had the time to do at least one, because I have, and if this was a few months ago, then maybe I could have done it, but my brain just isn't letting me work.

I just got a horrible migrane today. Its so bad its almost making my physically cry.
Have to come back in for attendance.
Haven't been in the last three weeks. Been trying to do my assignments, but just couldn't focus my attention on them.

I sent a email to the course leader for help, but it looks like he's given up on caring about me now.

I mean, I was fine, but now I just want to die.
I'm not even joking. I'd rather just cease to be than have to put up with this headache any longer.

I'm missing my best friend. Haven't seen him in months. I miss him so much.

And I'm just not gelling with anyone here. People seem to judge me all the time, at least, I feel that way.

I'm probably being stupid, its probably the sadness, lonliness and paranio talking, but being such the odd person I am, I'm not sure.

I just want to thrown all this uni business in the bin. Its just too much for me.
I know I'm not 100% interested in management anymore, in fact, maybe I never was.

I just wish I wasn't pressured by society, my parents, even by myself into going to uni, and instead just doing what makes me happy.

All Uni has given me, is thousands of pounds of student debt, an overdraft, a headache, and losts of misery.

My best friend was the lucky one, I wish I was as brave as him, and bail out, but I'm afraid.
Fear. Such a powerful drug. Forces people to do things they don't want to or would even think about doing.

My parents wouldn't understand if I quit. I know they want whats best for me, they want me to get on in life, they have been indoctrinated by society glorifying degrees.

And thats the thing, degrees these days are barely worth the paper they are written on.
Sure some degrees for specialist jobs are great, but the rest, though they have their uses, they aren't worth much in the job environment.

In a world where almost everyone has a degree, its experience and skills that count.

Whats the point of all this knowledge if you can't apply it. Most of it is just going to waste.

Hell, I'm much happier practicing the guitar, or designing games, or twiddling with software and hardware, because I get to learn, apply that learning, and use it for future use.
That is worth more than 100 degrees!

Happiness. Thats all I really want in life. Is it really so hard to attain?

EDIT: Look at all those mistakes. How pathetic!
This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm in no state to do any assignments.
I just want to go to bed!
Oh God! The more depressed I get, the worse this headache gets.

I just want to get this stupid tutorial done, go home and hopefully, unbrick my PSP.

EDIT 2: And thats the thing! I'm not even stupid or lazy really, (well maybe a little lazy..).
I could outperform most of the people here at uni. I'm good at going out and learning stuff and applying that learning, but I just don't have the drive or the focus for it.

EDIT 3: I don't want to drag you guys down by dumping this on you, but no one seems to be listening at home or at uni.
They can't help but see me as being over dramatic, or lazy and making excuses, but I don't think I am.
I mean, they obviously can't read my mind on this one, and well even i can't capture all the malignant thought attacks my own mind has been hitting me with over the last few weeks.

I just want to do something else. Pack up the board game, put the cards away, close the book, you get what I mean...

EDIT 4: See that above ^

Thats what my mind is like at the moment.
A flurry of random thoughts and emotions.

I should go and see an non-biased quack for once.

EDIT 5: I mean I know we all have to do stuff we don't like in life, but doing something you don't like every day for hours on end and its slowly crippling your ability to think and care, is just a bit cruel.

Vortex, with all that you're currently going through, you have perfectly valid and respectable reasons to be down. You're stuck in an environment and institution that doesn't suit you, doesn't line up with your personality, and doesn't nurture your abilities. Yet you're trapped by outside pressures, and almost forced into continuing with this endeavor; imprisoned by the opinions and perceptions of your parents/family, and probably also strangled by your own personal worries and apprehension.

From what I can gather, you're a creative person, and you want to be in a creative environment where you're allowed the freedom to express yourself and engage with your interests, not repeatedly grind away at monotonous work that means nothing to you. Currently, you're probably in a position where there's no light at the end of the tunnel; the future you're headed towards is just a bleakness. It's evident that this is the main thing bringing you down, and it's also quite evident that you know this yourself.

But at least this is the one positive of your situation: you know what's bringing you down, you know what's destroying you, and you know you want to eliminate it. You want to bail, and remove yourself from the situation - find a new direction; it's a position that I'm sure several others here have been in before.

This might be a dangerous/bold bit of advice to give, but I would suggest abandoning your current course, or even university altogether, if that's what you feel you need to do. Of course, the fear of doing so is probably the very thing that's holding you back from this. But you've gotta ask yourself something - is satisfying the preferences and expectations of those around you more important than personal joy and fulfillment? Of course, the act of considering other people is important, but not when you're miserably sacrificing so much of yourself in order to satisfy their misinformed outlook on the situation. That's why you've got to seriously consider what's more important - their opinion of you and your choices, or your own sense of happiness, purpose and contentment.

There's no greater curse than overbearing expectations placed upon you, and to be in that position is difficult, stressful and often demoralizing. But you can't let those expectations control you and dictate your life, or it will lead to depression. My advice - don't submit yourself to it; instead try to disconnect from the whole notion and mentality, and try your best to pretend that dark cloud of expectation isn't there. That way, you're free to make your decisions based upon your own conscience and reasoning, without the impediment of that pressure that was there before.

But, of course, you're probably also afraid to make this leap in your life because you're afraid of the uncertainty and lack of direction that may come as a result. The life you're currently living is miserable, but it's safe and comfortable in there, which disinclines you from leaving it. But this raises another important question that you have to ask yourself: what's worse - a future uncertain, or a future filled with bleakness? It may be a risk and a gamble to make such a courageous jump, but is that worse than a road that leads to nothing?

If what you're currently doing truly holds nothing for you, and if you feel inside that you need to pursue something else in life, then I say do so. Find something you enjoy; find something that is important to you; something of worth and value.

And if uncertainty is indeed too much of a concern, then formulate a plan of action (I know, easier said than done), or at least investigate realistic possibilities and opportunities, and once you have that confidence that you can definitely find something else to pursue (or at least fall back on), then abandon what you're currently involved in.

Sure, leaving university or changing course might make it seem like you've wasted a whole lot of time, or squandered a potential opportunity, but at least you'll be removing yourself from a path that was never going to bring you what you're looking for in life. It may seem like a regression or a step backward, but sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

Ultimately, of course, it's up to you to make this/these decision/s, but just consider the points I've raised, remember that you've got the freedom to choose, and know that the boundaries in your life may be difficult to cross, but aren't quite as restrictive as you may believe.

[proudmama]

Interesting response. I do know that when I was in a major depression ,my perceptions became my reality in a very black encompassing way. Almost all of my emotions reacted in a definitely inaccurate manner. Obviously ,you are ready to communicate which is a major step. I also found that complete strangers actually were able to help me more than my own loved ones. It is amazing how aware and sensitive people can be. It sapped all my energy be with those who loved me most but strangers had no expectations.

[Davies]

By the way, who the fuck "disliked" my initial YouTube video for this thread?! Do you enjoy kicking a man who's already down, asshole?

People like you are what's wrong with this world.

[Vainamoinen]

I think you knew that somebody would be out there who wouldn't understand. And I'm glad that it's only a single darn youtube disliker who thankfully doesn't even comment. Just ignore him!

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Vainamoinen

I think you knew that somebody would be out there who wouldn't understand. And I'm glad that it's only a single darn youtube disliker who thankfully doesn't even comment. Just ignore him!

I was going to follow your advice and ignore them but then I noticed that it's now gone up to two dislikes!

Obviously somebody on this forum doesn't like me (seeming as the video isn't public and can only be viewed via this forum). What bothers me isn't the fact that they don't like me, it's that they're too cowardly to tell me directly.

To whomever is disliking my video; if you don't like someone on this forum then either don't interect with that person at all (including "disliking" their YouTube videos) or at least have the balls to tell that person that you don't like them and give a reason as to why.

Seeming as you're clearly too afraid to even 'fess up on a forum, I can only assume that you're an inherent coward. To a point, I actually pity you because you must not have any kind of life at all! You're too scared to be upfront with people and have nothing better to do than to spam the dislike button on YouTube. It's really quite pathetic.

[JedExodus]

Stop being so sensitive Davies, you put a vid on the net and somebody disliked it. Maybe somebody here does dislike you, I dunno. You can't please everyone, not in your day-to-day life and certainly not on an entity like the net. Doubly so when you put yourself in a position where people can and will praise/berate you.

And i'm not having a go at you by the way (you always seem to think i'm having a go at you I find), this is my advice, stop trying to please everyone. If somebody starts giving you shit don't try to rationalise, call them a smelly loser and move on.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by JedExodus

Stop being so sensitive Davies, you put a vid on the net and somebody disliked it. Maybe somebody here does dislike you, I dunno. You can't please everyone, not in your day-to-day life and certainly not on an entity like the net. Doubly so when you put yourself in a position where people can and will praise/berate you.

And i'm not having a go at you by the way (you always seem to think i'm having a go at you I find), this is my advice, stop trying to please everyone. If somebody starts giving you shit don't try to rationalise, call them a smelly loser and move on.

Stop having a go at me!

Seriously though, you're right. I've always been an incredibly sensitive person, it's just the way I am. It's both a blessing and a curse; I'm extremely caring towards other people's feelings but I'm prone to becoming deeply hurt when somebody hurts my own feelings.

I wish that I didn't over-analyse everything in life but it really is just the way God made me.

However, I will try my best to ignore any further "dislikes" but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't discourage me from making any further YouTube videos.