Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

[Jennifer]

I'm pretty sure the writers meant the Amazon women from Greek myth.

It's still funny though the way it's written, especially considering Joe has already met at least two women who live in the Amazon (the witch doctor and Naomi).

[puzzlebox]

Davies, this is awesome! Sat at my desk grinning the whole way through (I think my favourite part in this installment was Paul Hogan). Very much hope you manage to do Part 6 at some point!

[St_Eddie]

Hey all, I'm typing this post on my sister's computer and then I'll be disappearing again into the ether for a while...

Thanks so much for the kind comments as always, folks.

I've got some exciting (well exciting to myself at least) plans for the continuation of this Let's Play. It will be sometime until I'll have access to a computer to upload the next instalment but I'll be working on the gags and whatnot in the meantime.

I hope to catch up with you all within the next couple of months.

Take care all.

[Secret Fawful]

It's the DAVIES! A ballad for you, Davies.

Chorus: Davies!

Davies, have you always been alone?

Chorus: Davies!

Davies, have you never loved again?
Love will live on, oh oh oh...
Life must go on, oh oh oh...
For you cannot spend your life regretting.

Chorus: Davies!

Davies, you must face another day.

Chorus: Davies!

Davies, now your love has gone away.
Once you loved her, whoa-oh...
Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh...
But you've lost her for-ever, Davies.

When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey.
You may be sad but remember that love will pass away.

Oh Davies!
After the showers the sun
Will be shining...

[instrumental solo]

Once you loved her, whoa-oh...
Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh...
But you've lost her for-ever, Davies.

When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey.
You may be sad but remember that love will pass away.
Oh Davies!
After the showers the sun
Will be shining...
Davies!
Oh oh oh Davies!
You must go on,
Oh oh oh Davies...

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by St_Eddie

I've got some exciting (well exciting to myself at least) plans for the continuation of this Let's Play. It will be sometime until I'll have access to a computer to upload the next instalment but I'll be working on the gags and whatnot in the meantime.

Can't wait.

[St_Eddie]

Hey all, Part 6 of this let's play is coming along quite nicely. I've done the hard work (playing through the next section of the game, taking screengrabs, reformatting them and uploading them to ImageShack).

Unfortunately there aren't too many opportunities for gags with the material given during this section of the game but I'll do my best and come up with something!

Part 6 will be uploaded by some point tomorrow...

[Darth Marsden]

Yays! Some good news at last!

[WarpSpeed]

Originally Posted by St_Eddie

Unfortunately there aren't too many opportunities for gags with the material given during this section of the game but I'll do my best and come up with something!

Oh, that's easy! Just keep putting this guy up every time there's a lull.

[St_Eddie]

Let’s Play ‘Flight of the Amazon Queen’
Part 6: ‘The Part That Comes After Part 5 But Before Part 7


It’s time to make our way over to Floda Inc. The “lederhosen factory” that acts as a cover for the secret lab of Dr. Fruitloop and his crazy experiments. My mission is to gain entry and rescue Princess Azura.


Before entering the main building, I attempt to access the shed to the left. Unfortunately the guard dog won’t allow me to pass. Such an original concept for an adventure game puzzle…


…Like I said; original!


Leaving the plagiaristic pooch for the time being, I enter the main facility.


Inside the lobby of the main building, I walk up to the surly looking receptionist and ask for assistance.


HEY! Don’t be so rude! That “fat guy” has a name you know! It’s ‘Trader Slob the Grotesque’ I’ll thank you to remember.


The receptionist enquires as to whether I’m a fumigator that Floda Inc. is expecting. An Amazonian jungle fumigator service?! I bet the business is just raking in!




Not one to miss an opportunity (unless that opportunity involves being a decent human being), Joe claims to be said fumigator in order to gain access to the staff area of the building. The plan works.


You should have gone to SpecSavers, love. I ain’t carrying shit!

Before proceeding onwards, Joe spies a pencil on the receptionists desk and can’t resist making a quick joke…







With his “joke” told and the sound of crickets still ringing in the air, Joe makes a hasty retreat through the door to the right…


… Only to encounter a glitch in the sytem.


”Joe, let me tell you about the matrix”


Entering the kitchen, Joe is confronted by a chef. Luckily, a quick repeat of the “fumigator” line is enough to satisfy his curiosity.


The chef goes on to explain that he’s having trouble coming up with a meal for a member of staff who’s suffering from sensitive teeth. I hand the banana over from my inventory and explain its virtues…


Joe could almost be describing the chef here. Well, sans the “low on calories” part.

The chef leaves the kitchen to go and deliver the banana. I’m sure that the hungry staff member will be absolutely thrilled with their meal when it arrives and won’t be disappointed at all that it consists of a solitary piece of fruit.


”Banana Surprise - the surprise is; there’s nothing in it except the banana”


Quick question, why is the table and sink in front of Joe so damn big?! I guess it’s because the developers screwed up the scaling on this screen the sink is the latest model and has a new feature; it doubles up as a bath.

Anyway, before returning to the lobby in order to go through a different door, I grab a tin of dog food (which is sure to be useful for getting past the pooch outside). I also take some cheese snacks because hey, I like cheese snacks.


I enter the library and look at the grandfather clock, only to discover that Joe is apparently an expert on fraudulent antiques. This is sloppy writing on the developers part Antiques must have been his major at University I guess.


Looking down the back of the coach, Joe discovers some cash.


”Nice”


Um, say what, Joe? Just put the money in your pocket, you walking testicle! I simply don’t get it; are you afraid that you won’t be able to carry anymore than you already are? I mean, you’ll lug a fucking vacuum cleaner around half of the fucking Amazon jungle but a couple of coins?! ”Oh no, I couldn’t possibly fit those itsy bitsy little coins in my pocket”.

For fucks sakes, you’re in the process of infiltrating a madman’s lair; time is of the essence and yet you’re under the delusional impression that it’s a guarantee that you’ll just be able to stroll back at anytime you like to pick that money up. You’re a fucking gormless erection, Mr. King.


Reading GameFAQs reminds me that Looking at the record player in the room reminds me that there’s a record for sale at Trader Slob’s. I best go buy it…


I severely doubt that the developers were aware of the irony regarding this remark considering that the background music playing in this location (and throughout most of the game) is essentially elevator muzak. The developers make a clever meta in-joke at this point in the game. It’s very witty.


I’m not sure that “like” is the right word.


I return to the library at Floda Inc. and play the record, which in turn uncovers a secret elevator. Why was the specific record that’s required to reveal the elevator, up for sale at Trader Slob’s? Well, obviously an employee of Floda Inc. must have pawned the key that grants access to the underground laboratory in exchange for some beef jerky. Obviously.


Before descending, I attempt to pick up the cash again (seeming as I’ve now spent some money at Trader Slob’s) and this time little Joey-Woahy obliges. The loveable, little cun…

…ning so-and-so.


The elevator starts to descend, very slowly, down from the top of the screen…


… and 30 seconds later it reaches the bottom of the screen. I shit you not, I timed it; 30 seconds just to get from one end of the screen to the other! THIRTY LONG, TEDIOUS, DRAWN-OUT SECONDS!


Thankfully, Joe is able to reach the bottom of the elevator shaft before dying of starvation. Actually, thinking about it I’m not so sure that I am all that thankful!


I enter the first door in a long corridor and find myself in the sleeping quarters. I open a mail bag and find a literal ‘Dear John’ letter inside.


Okay, what the heck is that object on top of the locker? It looks like you should be able to interact with it and yet you can’t! Odd.


Inside the locker, Joe finds some kinky paraphernalia.


Yeah, what the heck would a twisted pervert like you want with a bunch of S&M gear, Joe?!

Putting to one side Joe’s absolutely pathetic attempts to appear as a non-sexually perverse creep, I take a squeaky toy from the locker and continue down the main corridor and come across a guard…


As Obnoxious as always honest as always, Joe.


Hmm. Looks like we’ll need to find a way to distract the guard. I start by introducing myself…


Oh! Well, that really taxed my brain cells. Clearly I must give the ‘Dear John’ letter to John.


I hand the letter over to Johnny boy. Which is achieved by a conversational option which appears automatically, as if the puzzle wasn’t already easy enough!


Who are you kidding, John?! You don't have a girlfriend. It's a letter from your Grandma and you know it.


Well, old Grandma does needs her meds.


Joe enters the now unguarded room leaving John in tears.


”Are you a wimpy little chicken wuss who bawls their eyes out on a regular basis?
Are you neglectful of vital duties whilst working?
Would you enjoy working for an insane old fucker who says “nyah ha ha haar” after every sentence?
DR. FRUITLOOP NEEDS YOU"


Moving on, I enter the “crate room” from the ending of ’Raiders of the Lost Ark.


The one and only time this setting has been used within an Indiana Jones movie. Shhh! I said ONE and ONLY!


What do I find inside one of the crates? The Ark of the Covenant perhaps? …No, a sodding left-handed tin opener. Oh well, at least it wasn’t some stupid, out of place alien. Sorry… interdimensional being!


Entering another room, I come across a staff roaster and duly make a mental note of the details. Fun times.


In the next room I move a cabinet to reveal safe, which I can’t open yet. Oh, such fun..


Moving on, I’m halted by this guard.


Using the knowledge of the roaster to my advantage, I send the guard off to the kitchen to report to Colonel Jackson.


Oh, I won’t…

1 MINUTE LATER…



A cutscene kicks in as I leave the room.


Dr. Fruitloop! Yay!


The doc is watching a small dinosaur work it’s way through a maze as it tries to find a piece of cheese.


Dinosaurs; well known for being partial to a bit of cheddar


Mice; feared for their craving of flesh


That terrible cad, Anderson enters the room. I’m assuming that he’s in league with Dr. Fruitloop but I honestly can’t remember if this was ever revealed earlier on in the game or not! I’m almost certain that it wasn’t. Hmm.


Ohhh, I know, I know! It’s a Dino Rat.


See told you.


Ah, smug mode engaged


The Dino Rat certainly makes for a less scary hybrid than Dr. Fruitloop’s first genetic experiment…


Part woman. Part horse. All nightmare


The Dino Rat scarpers off. No doubt ravenous for more cheesy goodness.


Absolutely. After all, the guards in this facility are the truly the crème de la crème…


Oh, right


…”and is sure to be the number one kid’s toy this Christmas.”


Dr. Fruitloop starts to explain a painful memory from his past.


When they laughed at you did they say “nyah ha ha haar”?


The cutscene ends and we return to Joe, who has now entered a new room and is examining a poster detailing Dr Fruitloop’s master plan. For a master plan, it’s not very masterful is it?!


I spy a book sat on the table and attempt to open it but alas, it’s locked.


Not to worry though, a quick shimmy with my knife soon opens up the tome, revealing a hidden key inside.


Apparently Dr. Fruitloop’s security measures are equal to those of a 7 year old child.


I leave the room and head towards a fire exit.


Inside the next area is an empty vial that once contained ‘Super Soldier Serum’. I guess that Dr. Fruitloop also names his serums after children’s playthings. Being that it’s empty I leave it be.


However, there is a full vial of the antidote for super soldier serum. Because this is an adventure game and it’s not nailed down, I take it and go up stairs to the right.


Upon entering this room, my first thought isn’t “ah ha! It’s Princess Azura, the woman I came to rescue” but rather “the fire exit leads to a fucking dead end! What incredible health and Safety practices!”




”By Azura, by Azura, by Azura. It’s the Princess! I can’t believe it’s you! Standing here! Next to me!”


Joe tells the Princess that he’s the fumigator. Um, why lie, Joe? You fucking dolt!


Woah! A ‘Star Wars’ reference! That’s so out there. How do the developers come up with this stuff?


In the process of continuing the tired awesome ‘Star Wars’ reference, Joe comes clean with his true identity. He’s still a fucking dolt though.


Let me guess, Joe; along with Amazonian women, you don’t believe in Princesses? Anyway, I proceed to ask about Dr. Fruitloop…


Go on...


Well, you sure seem awfully happy about it!


I get bored of the conversation and initiate another game of ‘nip rubs’ with my mouse cursor.

Oh, those nips. Those lovely little nips.
I’d like to eat them up, like a pair of delicious pips.
As I rub them with my mouse;
I start to feel like a louse.
Think my penis is going to need a serious douse.

*AHEM*


Now that I have finished with your nips… I shall.


I look at the cabinet to the left but Joe informs me that it’s locked.


However, I can open it without any problems even though it’s “locked”.


I use the key that I found in the book to open the cell door.


Damn straight.


Azura gives Joe a quick peck on cheek.


That’s not enough for Mr. Rapist King though…


Joe pushes royalty over and goes in for the kill. He shoves his tongue down her throat until he can taste her breakfast.


Look at the terror on her face! This is sick!




I wouldn’t worry about Joe, Sparky. He is a jungle beast; he’s a sexual predator and he currently has his prey pinned down.


Uhhh. Apparently she likes it!

Things That Every Woman Loves
* Chocalotes
* Flowers
* Puppies
* Being raped by a creep-a-zoid




As the twosome attempt to make their escape; the alarm is sounded and the exit sealed.


Ooohhhh, cliffhanger. Seems like a good place to save…



Well, that’s it for Part 6.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by St_Eddie

Quick question, why is the table and sink in front of Joe so damn big?! I guess it’s because the developers screwed up the scaling on this screen the sink is the latest model and as a new feature; it doubles up as a bath.

Heh, now I'll never be able to see that screen in the same way again.

As you pointed out, the developers were obviously trying to do art in perspective, like LucasArts and Sierra often did with their art. Except in those games, the objects in front of the camera that appeared larger (as if to imply that they were closer to the "lens") were up and out of the reach of the main character (since the characters never walked near the "camera" (else they'd have to scale in size too as they got closer). It really doesn't work when the object is directly in front of the main character, and especially doesn't work when it contains an object that is meant to be picked up.

It's actually a good lesson of what not to do. I remember when I was a child, I always thought that it was a waste of space to not be able to interact with those kinds of objects. Now, I know better in that it's purely aesthetic and having them be interact-able (other than "look" of course), ruins the perspective of the whole thing.

[puzzlebox]

Perfect timing for my Friday afternoon! I lol'ed pretty hard at the "Don't touch anything / 1 minute later" part (yeah, I'm a total juvenile). Again, thanks for continuing with these - I really enjoy them!

[WarpSpeed]

Yeah, they probably didn't even notice the princess escaped yet, but when they saw that room and the missing Cheeze Bitz.....

[Alcoremortis]

Originally Posted by puzzlebox

Perfect timing for my Friday afternoon! I lol'ed pretty hard at the "Don't touch anything / 1 minute later" part (yeah, I'm a total juvenile). Again, thanks for continuing with these - I really enjoy them!

I laughed pretty hard at that as well.

Davies, I'm electing not to believe your claims that this episode was not going to be as funny as the others. Or believe it only if you were referring to the fact that somehow it got funnier. Well done, good sir.

[St_Eddie]

Hey all, I've just finished updating Part 6 (I've been working on it for the last 20 minutes). I initially posted it in a rough, work-in-progress' state. Some of you may want to reread it, I've made quite a few changes and I think that it's much better now. Sorry for the inconvenience, folks.

Originally Posted by Jennifer

It's actually a good lesson of what not to do. I remember when I was a child, I always thought that it was a waste of space to not be able to interact with those kinds of objects. Now, I know better in that it's purely aesthetic and having them be interact-able (other than "look" of course), ruins the perspective of the whole thing.

You're right, it really is a good lesson of what not to do. It's a case of mis-communication between artists and programmers.

Originally Posted by puzzlebox

Perfect timing for my Friday afternoon! I lol'ed pretty hard at the "Don't touch anything / 1 minute later" part (yeah, I'm a total juvenile). Again, thanks for continuing with these - I really enjoy them!

Aw, thanks. That joke was very much a last minute idea I had when trying to flesh out this part with some actual gags! My first "draft" of Part 6 that I wrote a few days ago was god-awful! I'm so pleased and relieved that you liked it.

Originally Posted by WarpSpeed

Yeah, they probably didn't even notice the princess escaped yet, but when they saw that room and the missing Cheeze Bitz.....

Gotta love 'em Cheeze Bitz!

Originally Posted by Alcoremortis

I laughed pretty hard at that as well.

Thank you so much.

Originally Posted by Alcoremortis

Davies, I'm electing not to believe your claims that this episode was not going to be as funny as the others. Or believe it only if you were referring to the fact that somehow it got funnier. Well done, good sir.

Aw, shucks. Thank you kindly. However, if you put gags to one side and look at this section of the let's play in terms of it's actual gameplay; there really aren't a great deal of opportunities to make jokes. Heck, even the 'Dr. Ironstein' cutscene was virtually dry of material to poke fun at! Usually those parts are a hoot to write for.

It was hard work getting this part done but hopefully the next section of the game offers up a few more opportunities in the piss taking department.

[Darth Marsden]

That was amazing. Very much made my morning.

Here's hoping there's not as long a wait for the next part!

[St_Eddie]

Important News Regarding This Let's Play

On the subject of the continuation of this let's play; I'm worried about the future of this forum (will this let's play be deleted once the switchover to the new layout occurs? Will this style of let's play even function correctly under the new layout?). It is with this in mind that I can announce my plans to start up my own website, which will be devoted to my own unique brand of let's plays.

The 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' let's play will be transferred over to my site and concluded. I will then continue to do let's plays of multiple games (certainly adventure games but possibly also different genres). It's going to take quite some time (read: months) for me to get things sorted (buying web space, an address and setting up the layout etc.) but over the last few days I've been backing up the previous parts of this current let's play, for transfer to my eventual site.

I truly hope that you will all visit my site once I get get things up and running. Without all of your support, I would have no interest in doing these let's plays but you all make it more than worthwhile.

Thanks, folks.

Originally Posted by Darth Marsden

That was amazing. Very much made my morning.

Thankski verski muchski budski.

As long as yourself and others are enjoying this let's play and leaving positive feedback, I'll keep making new installments.

Originally Posted by Darth Marsden

Here's hoping there's not as long a wait for the next part!

I'm afraid there will be. I'm returning back home to my flat tomorrow and will have to bid you all farewell for a few more months. Rest assured though, that there will be a Part 7. I've committed myself to finishing this game, come hell or high water!

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by St_Eddie

On the subject of the continuation of this let's play; I'm worried about the future of this forum (will this let's play be deleted once the switchover to the new layout occurs? Will this style of let's play even function correctly under the new layout?).

The posts from these forums will be transferred over (the beta forum that was open to everyone that didn't transfer any new posts was just a test to see how the forum would handle new accounts).

Posts with lots of images do work, it just required a different markup language than BBCode. The Telltale web staff is still working on the forum software, so hopefully they'll take the suggestions from the beta forum into suggestion and use BBCode instead. It would make the transition a lot smoother (that and getting rid of threaded posts, obviously [I don't think anyone who posted their thoughts about the beta forum liked those]).

Originally Posted by St_Eddie

I truly hope that you will all visit my site once I get get things up and running. Without all of your support, I would have no interest in doing these let's plays but you all make it more than worthwhile.

If you build it, they will come. (I will at least )

[Darth Marsden]

Count me in.

Well, since you're putting the next section on pause, I guess I'll have to fill the void... again. Slacker.

[Alcoremortis]

I will come to visit your site. I'm very curious as to whether Joe will make inappropriate advances on a lady dino before the end of the game.

[St_Eddie]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

If you build it, they will come. (I will at least )

Originally Posted by Darth Marsden

Count me in.

Originally Posted by Alcoremortis

I will come to visit your site.

Thank you, all. That's fantastic to hear.

Any suggestions (even though it's early days) for the next adventure game that I should do a let's play of? I'd rather keep it to a ScummVM compatible game for the time being (as I'm used to the process of taking screengrabs via that particular emulator) and it has to be something that lends itself to being able to poke fun at (something that's already highly comedic in nature is entirely unsuitable for this treatment; so that's 'Sam & Max', 'Day of the Tentacle', 'Monkey Island' and it's ilk out of the window).

Perhaps 'Loom' or a 'King's Quest' game?

Oh and by the way; I'll be running a 'CREDITS' section once I complete this let's play and I'll be giving special thanks to those who've been following this thread (plus, a little extra 'special, special thanks' to one particular person...)!