The Depression and Advice Thread

[Davies]

This thread is here for us to share our fears and any elements of life which we feel are dragging us down. The idea is for us all to help contribute advice to each other and make the people of this world forum happier in their lives.

Introduction video and my own feelings of depression.

Apologies for the poor editing in my video. It was originally a 6 minute dialogue, where I revealed far too much personal information. I ended up taking the video down from YouTube and reuploading a heavily edited version (hence the dodgy edits).

[doodinthemood]

Oh wow dude. Sometimes you read people's posts online and everyone is funny and awesome and you don't really see this kind of stuff. I often feel horribly out of place with folk, and in any group I always end up being the guy who is reasonably nice and can make people laugh, but who nobody really bothers about too much. I've been down quite massively for the last 9 years now, and it's lead to me being sent to hospital a couple of times.

I can imagine this being quite a downbeat thread really... what do you tend to do when you get these feelings? I listen to music and play chess.

I think doodo! started a thread similar before. Dunno if he's still around.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

Oh wow dude. Sometimes you read people's posts online and everyone is funny and awesome and you don't really see this kind of stuff.

Yeah, that's why I decided to make a video. I didn't think that simply typing my thoughts would have conveyed my depression to the extent that I'm feeling it. That's the problem with forums and the Internet in general; it can be very impersonal.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

I often feel horribly out of place with folk, and in any group I always end up being the guy who is reasonably nice and can make people laugh, but who nobody really bothers about too much.

I'm kind of similar. I have some very good friends but I'm the type of person who won't talk about my problems. I'm the one in my group of friends whose always cracking jokes and making other people laugh but when I'm alone; I'm so angry and sad.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

I've been down quite massively for the last 9 years now, and it's lead to me being sent to hospital a couple of times.

I'm very sorry to hear that; have you got in touch with your GP/doctor regarding therapy or perhaps some form of medication (such as an anti-depressant)?

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

I can imagine this being quite a downbeat thread really... what do you tend to do when you get these feelings? I listen to music and play chess.

Well, since posting my earlier video I decided to cheer myself up by writing the first draft of a short story that's been on my mind for well over a year now. I'm going to do a couple more passes on it in order to tighten it up and then I'll be recording a reading and posting it online for people to listen to. That's generally the key to cheering me up; creativity (that and booze but drinking is a very temporary solution and not good for you).

Also, as you say; music's good too. Though, I'm never sure if I should put on an album which reflects my mood, such as Dark Side of the Moon or a happy upbeat album, in opposition to my mood.

Originally Posted by doodinthemood

I think doodo! started a thread similar before. Dunno if he's still around.

Sadly he was banned. I miss him even if others may not.

[Silverwolfpet]

I like the idea of this thread. Even if certain aspects of life are harsh, please try to keep it civilized and remember that my grandma reads these threads, so don't make her cry. : ) (aka keep it nice)

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Silverwolfpet

I like the idea of this thread. Even if certain aspects of life are harsh, please try to keep it civilized and remember that my grandma reads these threads, so don't make her cry. : ) (aka keep it nice)

I'm glad you like the concept and I endorse your viewpoint of keeping things civilised. Also, I would like to take this opportunity to reinforce that this isn't merely a thread for people to vent about the stresses in their lives but also a forum for people to offer each other advice.

I want this thread to be a positive thing, that happens to deal with negative issues.

[Alcoremortis]

I'm sorry you feel so down, Davies and I can somewhat empathize, though lately I've been feeling far too panicky lately to leave any room for feelings of depression. Maybe that's a solution. I mean, I know when I've got an approaching deadline, I just find I don't have time to think about things that make me miserable.

Does pile on the stress, though, so maybe it isn't all that helpful.

[Davies]

Originally Posted by Alcoremortis

I'm sorry you feel so down, Davies and I can somewhat empathize, though lately I've been feeling far too panicky lately to leave any room for feelings of depression. Maybe that's a solution. I mean, I know when I've got an approaching deadline, I just find I don't have time to think about things that make me miserable.

Does pile on the stress, though, so maybe it isn't all that helpful.

Thanks for your thoughts.

The problem is that I suffer from agoraphobia, so leaving the house is kind of tricky. I'll try and occupy my time a bit more with creative projects. Also, I recently started a very small job at a local cinema so hopefully that will help.

[GaryCXJk]

I act like a dick to cope with frustrations I can't express in real life, and because that's just who I am on the Internet. Mostly because of the latter though.

But anyway, depression, at least clinical depression, is hard to "cure", as in, you will never get rid of depression. I myself have been depressed since 2009 (or earlier, perhaps dating back since 2007 or so), and didn't know it until the start of last year. I don't even know why I became depressed (which is all too common for depression, most often you don't even know why you feel the way you feel). I think part is because I felt and still feel like I haven't accomplished anything, that things don't move as fast as I would like. I'm 26 years now, and I still am in the same courses I should have finished three years ago.

But I don't know. I still am not sure why I am still feeling depressed. I one day hope to do the things I love, like writing and stuff, making games, but it always feels like there isn't enough time for that.

[DAISHI]

Originally Posted by Davies

Thanks for your thoughts.

The problem is that I suffer from agoraphobia, so leaving the house is kind of tricky. I'll try and occupy my time a bit more with creative projects. Also, I recently started a very small job at a local cinema so hopefully that will help.

Have you tried behavioral desensitization?

[Davies]

Originally Posted by DAISHI

Have you tried behavioral desensitization?

Yeah mate, I learned about that during my two year long therapy sessions. I've put it into practice and it's not exactly a huge improvement. To be honest the whole of therapy only helped slightly.

[Hayden]

I find that one of the biggest contributors to depression is simply isolation. If you're already feeling some sort of sadness, then leaving yourself to your own thoughts - giving yourself too much time to dwell upon your emotions and the darker aspects of your life - is only going to allow that sense of sadness to build and inflate into depression. Being around other people is healthy. It keeps you grounded in reality, in a sense, and doesn't allow you to drift off and escape to the intensified darkness and sadness that you create in your mind during times of seclusion.

Because they are two separate realities - interaction and isolation. Being around other human beings allows you to gauge your feelings, and to understand the true extent of your problems, because you're in the company of others who are struggling with many similar problems. But being in isolation gives you the ability to mentally build up your feelings and problems and tell yourself that what you're going through is a deeper darkness and a more profound sense of sadness, and there's nobody there to pull you back or tell you otherwise.

Of course, it would be a complete insult to say that depression is all in your mind; that's not true, of course, because we all have reasons for why we're feeling depressed (even if we can't always quite put our finger on them). But it is at least partially a state of mind, and you need something or someone else to influence that state of mind, because, if you're already in a state of depression, then you're not capable of lifting yourself out of trouble; a sad, self-pitying mind can't fix itself.

So, yes, time must be spent with other people, and life must be lived either within a community or within a set of relationships. And not just so that you can gauge where you are in life, but also simply because other human beings can bring joy into your life. I'm a person who likes my own company, and enjoys the peace and quiet of solitude, but the times when I have been at my happiest have been when I've spent most of my time in the company of others. People make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep me entertained, and they also bore me, make me angry and make me frustrated, but very rarely do they make me sad; sadness is something that I produce when I'm alone. Last year, I had the least amount of human connection that I've ever experienced. I was procrastinative, and often put off seeing people because I saw it as a chore. I spent all of my free time simply consuming media, surfing the internet, and sometimes dedicating time to little projects here and there, all-the-while telling myself that this is the life that was suited to me, because I was naturally someone who 'enjoyed my own company'. But, truthfully, I was down, I was sad, and my life wasn't enjoyable.

This year, I've been spending a lot more time with people, because I've finally made a concerted effort to do so. I've stopped being procrastinative, and stopped living only for myself, and have instead devoted time to the lives of people who enjoy my company, and wanted to spend time with me during my period of self-enforced isolation. It started as a selfless decision, but, in turn, it actually made my life a whole lot happier, enjoyable and fulfilling. In addition to this, I've also taken on a job which entails a whole lot of human interaction. I almost fell into this job by accident, and was expecting not to like it at all, because I was under the impression that I couldn't be bothered with people - a prideful mindset that I unfortunately adopted for far too long. But, day to day, I'm given the opportunity to speak to a whole lot of interesting people with whom I'm happy to converse and interact with. It's a fulfilling process; giving time to people, putting effort into engaging with them.

No matter what sort of person you are, this is the reality - you HAVE to spend time with people. You have to unselfishly, and (often) unwillingly spend time with other human beings - frustrating, annoying, irritating, infuriating fellow human beings. If you make an effort to connect with other people (and if you also do it without the intention of gaining something), then your life will automatically be brighter.

And, on this same topic, you also need friends for the purpose of venting. The main reason why thoughts and emotions fester inside you is because you've got no healthy outlet for it. Friends provide that for you. Un-judging friends who you can give an honest account to are invaluable. And whether they're within walking distance, and can be talked to face to face, or they're on the other side of the world and can only be communicated to over a gaming forum, it doesn't really matter - so long as you've got people you consider to be friends, and you can trust, then venting and admitting your problems to them is a huge part of lessening the impact of your emotions.

[Icedhope]

I want to let everyone know I support this thread and Depression has affected me more now than it ever has.

last year I lost my nephew and My father. I feel lost with out them.

I also struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my years in the military.
wich caused to alcoholism and me being a constant drunk. The most important thing I feel to fight depression is to know the love of family and friends.

[Secret Fawful]

Davies, you sound like me. Hayden is right when isolation is a major factor in depression. I've been heavily depressed most of my life, and heavily isolated. I spent most of my childhood alone, and I spent most of high school alone. It's really only been in the last two years I've begun to lose my isolation and come out of it a bit. I mostly turned to humor and art and escapism to deal with it, and learning as well. In my worst moments I became an intensely bitter, evil-minded, cruel coward who hoped the worst for others, was paranoid and suspicious of everyone, mostly women, and delighted in being a shit and making people look like idiots. Because of my cowardice I could never carry my malice out to any great extent. When I was happy my good qualities came out but I wasn't happy most of the time. I did try to make friends but most people thought I was too weird because I thought differently and wasn't like them, and thought I talked and acted how I shouldn't. Truthfully, I didn't talk enough. Women shunned me and if they talked to me I was bullied and scorned, and any friendships I made with them didn't last and ended in me getting convinced by them I was the worst sort of human being and shouldn't cause any great concern if I were dead. This caused me to grow a great mistrust of and hatred for the female gender. The only one who treated me remotely nice was the strangest but funniest girl in school, probably because she understood me. A lot of that is still in me, but I'm not like I was. I was worse when I was a kid. I had a vicious temper and I enjoyed hurting people. I don't have a great view of humanity, and I don't believe I'll succeed ultimately in anything because I'm cursed, but I do whatever the hell I want because I refuse to give anyone power over me and I enjoy doing what I do. I've always felt that my paranoia might not have been paranoia at all though, but just an extremely keen eye for what people were thinking and the badness inside they try to hide from others.

Right now my life is so good I'm afraid because I know a down is coming at some point. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I have extremely loving parents. I have my DREAM job and the beginning of my dream career. I have an ever-growing skill at art, game design, and writing. I have the ability to watch and critically study any movie or piece of art I choose. I'm living in my own dream.

[DAISHI]

It is important to note that isolation is not a natural state for human beings. The species has evolved as a social creature and, removed from that, a human can have a number of abnormal reactions to what others would consider normal stimuli. As an aside, online relationship are not a total replacement because of the dynamic hormonal interactions that are absent from online interactions.

[Hayden]

Originally Posted by Secret Fawful

Right now my life is so good I'm afraid because I know a down is coming at some point. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I have extremely loving parents. I have my DREAM job and the beginning of my dream career. I have an ever-growing skill at art, game design, and writing. I have the ability to watch and critically study any movie or piece of art I choose. I'm living in my own dream.

I think the only thing that could possibly get in your way at the moment is pride. If you simply keep your morals, maintain the appreciation of your loved ones, and expel the insidious notion that you're superior to the people around you, you won't fail. It all starts with humility; keep that at the forefront of your mind, and your relationships will prosper. It will also help you work well within a team, which is what game design is all about.

I know I'm probably just stating the obvious here, but it's a virtue so many people seem to forget.

Originally Posted by DAISHI

As an aside, online relationship are not a total replacement because of the dynamic hormonal interactions that are absent from online interactions.

This is true. However, it is better than nothing. Sharing his current struggles with us will probably do Davies a whole world of good in comparison to not letting it out at all. But there's a lot of merit to what you say; it doesn't quite compare to the real, entirely organic nature of direct person-to-person communication. That's not to say that online/textual communication can't be of use in an emotional context. Just to re-iterate, it's better than nothing.

[Icedhope]

I agree to disagree. While are species has evolved online interactions are important as well. Because we can still read eye contact and tone of voice.

[Hayden]

I think online interaction has its benefits when it comes to putting together a really thoughtful, complex set of ideas and thoughts that you need to explain in a way that's clear and understandable. Often, a lot of things that you need to convey to someone can't be articulated face-to-face in the same way they could through a letter or a formal message. And even if you are able to do so, your emotions (nervousness, frustration, for example) can get in the way and hamper the message you're trying to deliver, or you can be interrupted by the other person. I guess online communication can help you say what you've gotta say in a way that's really organized, without as many other factors influencing the delivery of the message.

So yeah, I guess both forms have their merits.

[VeronicanPlay]

Well I won't say I have a full blown depression, but I have had a rough life that has really torn me apart. It's only now I am slowly gluing back the pieces, it's a slow process but I am taking one tiny step at a time.

So what I have is Social Anxiety, and Low Self-Esteem. It has developed over my years in school, which is the case for must people.
I was always the target for bullies, and people would ignore me and shun me.

Another thing is I don't feel worthy of anything, I never feel I am worthy of posting on this forum, just because I don't sound smart enough.
I envy people for being able to form sentences better than me, and people who can discuss and I can't. I always feel my arguments are never true and therefore I never participate in discussions.

I hate doing mistakes, even the smallest mistake makes me feel like a monster because I did it and didn't see it as a mistake my self, I always hate when I have been told it was a mistake and I didn't see it my self.

Sometimes I can pretend I am two people and have a go at my self, so I say hurt full things that make me cry, but at the same time it makes me feel good because I am punishing my self.
Before I used to hit my self in the head with big books.

In a young age I began playing computer games, and so I fled in to that world where everything was much better than real life.

So I lived my life alone with my games, have believed for years I can't do anything. I would never go anywhere because I was afraid to talk to people, and when ever I had to talk to strangers, I would get panic attacks days before I had to go.
At one point I felt everything was hopeless and I would never in my dreams finish my education. I didn't have what it took, I was not smart enough.

But now here I am, 2 years later and I am 1 month away from fully finishing my education at my work placement, and I have completed my exams with very high grades.
And I seriously think my education and my job has helped me open up more, as it involves interacting with a lot of people.

But when I think about it, I don't seriously think bullying was who made me the way I am, yes it's a contributing factor, but I think it's just how I developed as I was always on my own and was never taught different as I was never interacting with anyone.

[JedExodus]

I like this thread :-)

In work atm so i'll keep it shortt and sweet. Keep yourself busy, be assertive and don't dwell on things, that's how i get myself through those difficult days.

[lovetodo22]

I've had bipolar disorder for years, but as soon as I started soundwave therapy i.e. Theta Wave Brain Synchronization and Transcendental Meditation, it went away, never to return. You can listen to the soundwave therapy stuff for free at www.gethighnow.com . Namaste.