Sexuality

[coolsome]

Originally Posted by Chyron8472

because sex in such relationships is relatively unfulfilling when there is no emotional security that the other person won't leave you.

If you wana make sure they stay all you need is hand cuffs and a basement.

[RetroVortex]

Originally Posted by coolsome

If you wana make sure they stay all you need is hand cuffs and a basement.

Coolsome. Have I ever told you how much I love you?

[Darth Marsden]

Don't give him ideas, coolies. We all know how well that works out.

[BlankCanvasDJ]

Originally Posted by Chyron8472

First, because sex changes the dynamics of a relationship in drastic ways that are largely unforeseen;

It absolutely does. This is why I think you should know just what those changes are before you marry each other.

and second, because sex in such relationships is relatively unfulfilling when there is no emotional security that the other person won't leave you. The feeling of closeness to the other person afterward is missing when there is no committment.

You don't need marriage to have commitment and security. If the only reason somebody is staying in a relationship is because of a ring and a marriage license, they're doing relationships wrong.

Marriage should enhance and reinforce the commitment that's already there. It's not a "now this person won't leave me" card.

As far as I see it, sexual compatibility doesn't apply when you have no experience. If you have sex with your spouse, then you learn together and teach each other. Beforehand, compatibility doesn't apply.

That isn't true. Everyone likes different things, has different levels of need, has things that make them feel uncomfortable, whether they're learned it yet or not.

People don't divorce because of too infrequent sex.

Oh yes they do.

I dare someone, anyone, to truthfully tell me that they waited and that it turned out to be a bad idea. On the other hand, I personally know people who did not wait who, from what I gather, probably wish they had.

I do know people who did. They ended up getting divorced because they didn't really know the person that they were agreeing to marry. That's why I fully believe that, no matter how strong your communication is, you can't really, intimately know a person (romantically at least) until you've lived with them and until you've slept with them.

[looby]

^ You said everything I wanted to say in a much better way than I could have. Agree with everything you said.

[BlankCanvasDJ]

I don't mean to take away from what, I'm sure, is a wonderful thing for those who have waited until marriage and made it work. That's great. I'm just saying you're rolling the dice when you do it. It's a leap of faith, it's exciting, it's sweet, it's romantic, it's great if it happened to work for you.

It's also just impractical, and it certainly isn't for everybody.

[dustpuffs]

Out of curiosity: Let's say you are considering marrying someone and spending the rest of your life with them. You are completely in love, and compatible with them in every way other than sexually. Would you still marry them, or would this one thing be enough to make you not go through with it?

[Darth Marsden]

I suppose it would depend on how important sex is to you, and whether the lack of it would tempt you to cheat further down the line. It could also mean no kids, so there's that as well.

[coolsome]

What if you found someone you loved but a witch cursed that person to die if they ever marry? Would you non marital shag that person?

[dustpuffs]

I didn't mean lack of sexual compatibility just as far as frequency. Maybe the frequency is fine, but your needs are being met in other ways.

Aaaah Coolsome. Quite quick with the humorous comments.







Edit: oops. NOT being met in other ways.

[Darth Marsden]

Oh. Well, if I was happy, then I don't think I'd have a problem with marrying in that situation.

I've not really got much of a problem with sex before marriage, but I'm of the opinion that there's a big difference between having sex and making love. They're both fun, but one's gonna be better than the other. Which one depends on the person and the partner, but I think I'd prefer the latter.

And as for Coolies question... I'd non-marital shag the hell out of her.

[Icedhope]

This may or may not have to do with conversation but from the bits and pieces I've seen.

I met this girl and we were not meaning anything by it, but we started as friends with benefits. Well...it turned out into a 2 year relationship.

Now I have had friends with benefits and nothing but the benefits were all we care for it.

[Giant Tope]

Ever wonder where you are on the Kinsey Scale? Fun for the whole family!

[Alcoremortis]

I'm apparently non-sexual. And I was thinking this test would tell me something I didn't already know.

[WarpSpeed]

Originally Posted by dustpuffs

Out of curiosity: Let's say you are considering marrying someone and spending the rest of your life with them. You are completely in love, and compatible with them in every way other than sexually. Would you still marry them, or would this one thing be enough to make you not go through with it?

That's what friends are for. Being compatible without sleeping with them. So no, I wouldn't consider marrying someone like that. She could be my Best Man, though.

[Giant Tope]

Originally Posted by dustpuffs

Out of curiosity: Let's say you are considering marrying someone and spending the rest of your life with them. You are completely in love, and compatible with them in every way other than sexually. Would you still marry them, or would this one thing be enough to make you not go through with it?

I see if there is a possibility of having an open relationship. Not sleeping around behind my spouse's back, but rather having an open line of communication about what's going on. For me, not doing so would lead to far too much sexual frustration and probably go down a really sad path. Even then, the situation would really suck. The fact that this hypothetical person is compatible in every other way would make the situation far worse. It would probably hurt a lot emotionally in ways I hope I'd never have to face.

That's me though. I wouldn't doubt that it would work for others.

holy cow that would suck

[Johro]

...I was called "very fuckable" the other day. I didn't really know how to take that. "Thank you?". lol

[coolsome]

Originally Posted by Johro

...I was called "very fuckable" the other day. I didn't really know how to take that. "Thank you?". lol

It was a complement! gawd you try to be nice to ppl.

[BlankCanvasDJ]

Originally Posted by dustpuffs

Out of curiosity: Let's say you are considering marrying someone and spending the rest of your life with them. You are completely in love, and compatible with them in every way other than sexually. Would you still marry them, or would this one thing be enough to make you not go through with it?

That depends entirely on the situation behind it. I do believe that a fulfilling sex life is extremely important in a relationship and if you don't have it, 9 times out of 10, it's going to cause serious problems somewhere down the line.

This is where communication is important. If those two people really love each other and are willing to work for it, they'll come up with some sort of compromise that makes both of them happy. If, on the other hand, one of them is always unsatisfied and the other just says "sorry, your problem" then I'd say there are problems with the relationship that go beyond the sexual. And yeah, they probably shouldn't get married.

[coolsome]

Here is a video about the sensitive issue of sexuality.