A very INSANE adventure

[Ugly Bird]

Okay, the rules are simple. I will provide a description of A SCENE and establish the status of THE CHARACTER. Then, it's your turn to provide your very own ACTION PLAN. An action plan can be simple like "turn off light switch", it can have multiple steps like "turn off light switch and go to sleep", it can have 'if' statements like "turn off light and if successfull go to bed and if not successful, shoot light", and it can be as complex as you desire. Be aware however, that depending on the results, part of your action plan may not turn out to be possible. Anyway, I will pick my favorite action plan, apply it, and describe the results. Then it will be your turn again.

An important aspect of this game to remember is that THE CHARACTER is INSANE, so your ACTION PLANS are allowed to be illogical, irrational, unsociable, and/or convoluted. This I encourage, in fact.

By the way, there is no goal. This is just for fun. Just do whatever feels the least natural.

I will now begin the describing (sorry that there's no pictures. I am not an artist by ANY means).


THE CHARACTER is in a small jail cell. There is a very dirty toilet in the center of the cell, for some reason. THE CHARACTER thinks this cell may have been even smaller at one point, when the toilet was in the corner of the room, but the walls were expanded and they never bothered to move the toilet. The toilet is stuffed full of cigarette butts.

In the corner of the room is a skinny homeless-looking man playing the harmonica, badly. Next to him is a tall, muscular man wearing yellow spandex. He looks easily agitatable.

THE CHARACTER cannot remember his name or why he is here, but if it were part of his ACTION PLAN he might just be able to conjure up some kind of recollection. Of course, you never know...

[SidGarcia]

>Throw cigarette butts at tall, muscular man, if unsuccessful, create your own fantasy world where you know your name

[Mouldcube]

> try to remember name, if unsuccessful, try harder.

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by Mouldcube

> try to remember name, if unsuccessful, try harder.

(I'm switching from third person perspective to second person perspective 'cause it makes the text read more smoothly and be less awkward.)

You reach deep down into the darkest depths of your mind and try to remember your name, but after twice leaping into the air and shrieking at the sight of a few particular childhood memories, you end up being able to recall only the parts of your life that made you INSANE. Bummer.

You sit down on the small bench (that maybe I forgot to mention) next to you. You put your face into your hands and begin to weep, when suddenly the thought hits you: try "harder".

That's it! Brilliant! Your name is "Harder". Wow, what cool parents your parents must have been.

You shoot up from your seat and shout "Brilliant!" at the top of your lungs, with your arms raised triumphantly in the air.

At this point, the tall, muscular man in yellow spandex takes a few steps toward you. He looks agitated. He pokes you in the chest, hard, and says "Hey, you got some kinda problem, punk?" Something about his demeanor seems to demand that you answer his question.

[StinkomanFan]

>Ask him about Ash Williams for no reason.

[SidGarcia]

>Respond by shouting "Yes, punk!"

[Mouldcube]

> hope his head explodes, if it doesn't, wet yourself. however, if it does, shout "WAHOO!" and bash your head against the wall.

[Mysterysheep]

>Tell him you don't but that the man playing the harmonica had insulted his mother earlier that day

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by Mouldcube

> hope his head explodes, if it doesn't, wet yourself. however, if it does, shout "WAHOO!" and bash your head against the wall.

Originally Posted by StinkomanFan

>Ask him about Ash Williams for no reason.

I'm going to go ahead and amalgamate the two ACTION PLANS above and make the following ACTION PLAN:

"Ask him about Ash Williams and hope his head explodes, if it doesn't, wet yourself. However, if it does, shout "WAHOO!" and bash your head against the wall."

And now:

"S-s-so," you stammer, "H-how about that Ash Williams guy? Way better than that cutesy Japanesey cartoon Ash with all those little creatures he enslaves, eh? With that badass chainsaw arm, Williams could take on THAT guy anyday, am I right?"

The tall muscleman gives you a long, puzzled look, which quickly changes to shock, and then to fear, and then to horror, right before your eyes.

"Ash Williams?" he says, with a tremor in his voice, "Ash Williams?!! ASH WILLIAMS???"

The man grabs ahold of his head in agony and releases a horrible, deafening squall that could have waken the dead.

"NOOO! How could you have discovered my one weakness?" he says, before his head explodes violently, in a grotesque display of blood, flesh, gray matter, and fragments of skull.

"WAHOO!" you shout while jumping up and down in utter excitement. You then inexplicably run up to the wall and pound your own head into it. Oddly, it doesn't hurt. You later realize that this is because it knocked you unconscious. Oh well.

You soon wake up to find that you are in a field full of dandelions. There is a wrench sitting on you chest, for some reason. There is also a grave nearby. Ironically, the grave seems to be the only place around here where there are no flowers.

[StinkomanFan]

>Wield wrench and take a couple of flowers.

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by StinkomanFan

>Wield wrench and take a couple of flowers.

Wielding the wrench makes you feel impowered, but the flowers kinda make you feel like a girl, so overall you remain just about as confident as you were before.

You notice that the nearby grave is labeled "Laura Tollins". Curious.

Also you notice that there is now a giant statue of Super Mario falling from the sky toward a small mound, about ten feet from you.

[Mouldcube]

> walk underneath falling statue, and start whistleing and looking at a fake watch.

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by Mouldcube

> walk underneath falling statue, and start whistleing and looking at a fake watch.

You're interested to see this statue more up-close. You figure that if you stand underneath it, you should have a pretty good view of it just before it crushes you to bits.

It seems to be taking a longer time than you had anticipated, so you begin to stare at a fake watch on your arm. Normally you wouldn't do this, but you feel oddly like someone might be watching you right now, and you feel like doing this will effectively convey to them how you're feeling. You like it when other people can tell how you're feeling.

That's strange. You seem to be actually wearing a REAL watch. You never noticed that before. Cool.

A split second before it seemed the statue would be about to crush you, it falls sideways (for no reason) and misses you entirely. The statue starts to crumble and the real Super Mario quickly hops out of within his thin, statue-esque enamel.

He looks at you for a moment and without warning he grabs your wrench and your flowers.

"Sorry pal," he says. For some reason he has Jack Bauer's voice. "I've got to confiscate this. No time to explain, but it's a national plumbing emergency."

He points the flowers at you. A mixture of orange and blue flames begin to pour liberally out of them, toward you. Hmm... perhaps this is a situation worthy of an ACTION PLAN?

[StinkomanFan]

>Run like Hell.

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by StinkomanFan

>Run like Hell.

In a rare moment of utter clarity, you decide to run like Hell. After running a good distance, and leaping over several charred skeletons, you look back to make sure you've lost your pursuer.

To your horror, you find you're still being pursued, but not by Super Mario. Almost directly behind you is someone you are fairly certain is Jack Bauer. He seems to be keeping up with you quite well. You're starting to wonder if he's just toying with you, since he doesn't seem to be making an effort to actually overtake you.

"I think you fowgot something, you two-bit wrestleman," he says. He now seems to have the voice of Homestarrunner. "I'm a tewiffic athalete."

You continue to run, but start to wonder if you might need a different strategy to beat this guy.

[SidGarcia]

>Summon Strong Bad and smack Jack Bauer (that summoned Homestar?)

[Ugly Bird]

Originally Posted by SidGarcia

>Summon Strong Bad and smack Jack Bauer (that summoned Homestar?)

You don't know how to summon Strong Bad. Also, you're pretty sure it would be close to impossible for you to simply smack the Jack Bauer without first running into the flames that are still pouring out of the flowers in his hand. (Super Mario has inexplicably transformed into Jack Bauer, by the way. I thought this was clear, but maybe not?)

[Mouldcube]

> think that being you makes you immune to fire and walk right into it.

[natlinxz]

call 911

[mariofan1000]

Moon him.