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The official Sam & Max: Chariots of the Dogs walkthrough!
NOTE: This is a full walkthrough for the game. The text and graphics are chock full of puzzle solutions and spoilers. If you haven't played the game yet and don't want stuff to be given away, don't read this! Check out the spoiler free screenshots and videos instead. 
As Flint Paper revealed at the end of our last episode, Bosco has gone missing! Chariots of the Dogs starts with Sam, Max, and Flint breaking into the inconvenience store to try to find him. But Bosco's not here. It's time to look for clues. 
Click on the counter. Sam will jump behind it, and for the first time, we get to see what Bosco keeps back here. Click the items on the left side of the counter -- it's everything you needed to solve last year's case! Bosco was storing those items back here all along.
Click the keypad on the wall. Sam speculates that this keypad controls the lasers blocking the bathroom door. Above the keypad, there's a message scrawled on the wall: "The code is in my head." Turn around and click on the Moai head toy on the floor. Sam will pocket it. There's nothing else back here, so click on the other side of the counter to make Sam come back out. Walk to the left until you reach Bosco's microwave turned x-ray machine. Take the toy Moai head from your inventory and use it on the microwave. Then use the x-ray on the light board above the counter. Inside the Moai head is the code to the bathroom: 5318008 (If you're not sure why Max and Flint think this is so funny, try typing on a calculator and looking at it upside-down.) Go back behind the counter and click on the keypad. Sam will enter the code automatically. The lasers turn off, and now you can enter the bathroom. Bosco's Secret Room Yep, the bathroom is Bosco's secret bunker. Click the stall door to open it. There are a bunch of wine bottles in here, including one that has been uncorked so long, it's turned to vinegar. Click the bottle to take it. 
Check out writing on the bathroom wall: "If you explode it T-H-E-Y will come." Bosco's always going off about T-H-E-M. Could this be a clue about who abducted him? 
Look at the model volcano on the sink and the unfinished volcanoes on the shelves. They look suspiciously like the volcano Sam & Max encountered on Easter Island in episode 202. The text right behind the finished volcano says: "Not big enough. Bigger!" Another clue?
Above Bosco's disguises, there is some more writing on the wall: "Baking soda + vinegar = eruption". And it just so happens there are two big packages of baking soda next to the sink, one that's closed and another that's open. Click the open container to take some baking soda. Use the baking soda on the model volcano on the sink, then use the vinegar. This will cause an eruption (just like the kind you used to make in science class!), but as the text behind the sink says, it's not big enough. Use your gun to shoot a hole in the closed barrel of baking soda. Then pour vinegar into the hole. Now that's a big explosion! In fact, it blew clear through the ceiling... What's that noise? It's a flying saucer, and it's sucking Sam & Max up via a beam of light! Could it be... T-H-E-M? On the Spaceship 
So here we are on an alien spaceship. The good news: Bosco's here. The bad news: He's not exactly the man he used to be. Bosco will tell you that he created a T-H-E-M detector that summoned the spaceship. He went into an elevator on the ship, and when he came out, he bumped into his mother. He ran back into the elevator, and when he exited the elevator, he was half cow. (Got all that?) He asks Sam & Max to help get him back to normal.
You can keep talking to Bosco to get a bit more information. He thinks he lost the T-H-E-M detector in the elevator. Regarding the volcanoes back in the store, that's what he used to summon the ship. End the conversation and take a look around. To Bosco's right, there's a captain's chair, with a futuristic screen behind it. Click on the screen, and the ship's computer will start talking to you. You can talk to the AI to get a little information about what happened to Bosco, ask where the crew of the ship is, and learn that the elevator Bosco was referring to is actually a time-shuttle. You can also select "system settings" to change the AI's personality from politically correct to suggestive, abusive, or passive-aggressive. When you're finished talking to the AI, walk all the way to the left and look at the elevator. To the right of the doors, there's a portable AI stuck to the elevator. This is an extension of the ship's AI, who you were just talking to. On the left of the elevator doors, there's a timecard stuck into a slot. Click the elevator for a closer look. The time card says "1963.1025 Bosco." Click it, and Sam will take the timecard and insert it into a card reader on the elevator. Time to take a ride... 1963.1025 Bosco -- Bosco's Convenience, 1963 The elevator brings Sam & Max to Bosco's, but this isn't the same Bosco's you know and love. For one thing, the proprietor seems a lot less paranoid. For another, she's obsessed with making babies. 
Talk to the lady behind the counter and you'll learn that she's Bosco's mother. She says that Bosco was just in here, yelling about conspiracies and messing up the shop. In 1963, Ms. Bosco doesn't have any children yet, but she wants kids, so she has invented a baby-making machine. She already put her own DNA in the machine; now it needs to be combined with the father's DNA to make a baby. DNA can be obtained from saliva. If you ask about the baby's father, Ms. Bosco will tell you she got the father's DNA in Washington D.C., from a nice man in a dark suit. 
When you exit the conversation with Ms. Bosco, Max will reveal that he's never liked girls; they're a huge waste of time. Ms. Bosco is (surprisingly) extremely turned on by this. In fact, she's so interested in Max, she's lost all desire to make a baby with her baby-making machine.
You can try as both Sam and Max to convince her that Max isn't the man for her, but Ms. Bosco won't hear it. She only has eyes for Max, and the time stream has been altered as a result. Walk to the Baby Needs area and look at the baby-making machine. To use it, you need to mix spit samples from the mother and the father. On the shelf above the baby maker is a spilled bottle of milk. This fell into the baby maker, mixing with Ms. Bosco's sample to create the half-cow, half Bosco you encountered on the ship. On the counter next to the baby maker is a test tube with a swab in it. This is Ms. Bosco's chemical sampler, used to collect spit samples for the baby maker. Click it to add it to your inventory. Then go into the bathroom. The bathroom in 1963 looks pretty much like it did in the present, but much cleaner, and without all the writing on the wall! The wine bottle that turned into vinegar in the future is in the stall. Click on it, and Sam will pocket the cork. Exit the bathroom. On the floor under the gun case is a gadget that looks like the carbon dating device Sam & Max had in Season One. Apparently Bosco has made some modifications to it. Click on it and Sam will pick it up, then select the dating device from your inventory and use it on Max. A timecard with Stinky's logo will print out. Use the device on Sam and Ms. Bosco, and you'll get two more time cards – one with the Intergalactic Freelance Police logo on it, and one with the presidential seal. Take each of these time cards from your inventory and put them in the holders on the left side of the elevator. Then click the elevator. 
Before you have a chance to choose a new destination, the AI on the side of the elevator will ask what you think you're doing. By getting Ms. Bosco interested in Max and making her forget about her baby machine, you've caused a catastrophic temporal anomaly. The AI forces you to return to the space ship to think about what you've done. On the Spaceship 
Back on the ship, Bosco's still a cow -- AND he's fading in and out reality. Now you have two problems to fix! You need to add Bosco's true father's DNA sample to the baby maker to turn Bosco back to normal, and you need to figure out how to get Ms. Bosco to change her mind about Max so she'll go back to working on her baby maker so Bosco will be born.
You now have four options when you click on the elevator: 1963.0917 Ms. Bosco (Presidential Seal) 1980.0710 Max (Stinky's Logo) 2108.0303 Sam (Intergalactic Freelance Police Logo) 1963.1025 Bosco (Bosco's Logo) The name on the card is the person you scanned to get that timecard. The number is a date of a special birthday that person experienced at some point in their life, and the date you'll travel to when you use the timecard. The logo tells you where you'll end up when you exit the elevator. Choose whichever timecard you want; the next part of the game is nonlinear! 1980.0710 Max -- Stinky's Diner, 1980 
This is how the diner used to look before it was taken over by the true Stinky's "granddaughter," and the true Stinky is here, behind the counter! Sam & Max are here, too, as impressionable pre-teens, along with a very familiar cabinet arcade machine. (Well, he's familiar if you've played other Sam & Max episodes.) Go over to little Sam & Max and chat them up. 
Max is busy playing Bluster Blaster, the newest and best video game ever made. As you talk to him, Bluster Blaster will chime in every now and then. He's very supportive of Max, and a lot nicer and more encouraging than the Bluster Blaster Sam & Max know now. In fact, he's so nice that Max doesn't want to stop playing, even though there's a prom and "after-prom kissing retreat" tonight. A girl named Jennie Tallarico wanted to go to the prom with Max, but he turned her down because she doesn't understand him the way Bluster Blaster does.
Remember back in the store, how Sam and Max mentioned that Max has disliked girls ever since they were kids? Maybe you can turn that around... Exit the conversation with little Max, and talk to little Sam. You'll learn that he built Bluster Blaster from a kit, and now he's trying to tweak the arcade machine's personality. Sam needs a new AI. Hmm... where have you seen one of those around? After talking to little Sam, take the screwdriver from the floor next to him. Use it on the portable AI on the elevator to try to pry the AI loose. It won't work; the AI is stuck on tight using some kind of futuristic adhesive. 
Take a look around Stinky's. On the wall to the right of the jukebox, there's a display case. It contains a letter from 1963, signed by the president and written to a woman who is not the president's wife. The display case has a screw loose. Use the screwdriver on the display case to open it and take the letter.
Walk over to the counter and talk to Grandpa Stinky. He's not up for much conversation, since he's busy trying to perfect the recipe for his gooey molasses tar cake. It's based on an ancient family recipe, but with a special ingredient, and Grandpa Stinky won't tell you what that is. Use the chemical sampler to take a sample of tar cake -- maybe you can figure out the secret ingredient without Stinky's help. While you're here, you can try scanning Stinky, little Sam, and little Max with the modified carbon dater, but it won't work. Oh well. Go back to the elevator and click a timecard to select another destination. 2108.0303 Sam -- Sam & Max's office, 2108 This is the Freelance Police office in the far future. Sam & Max are here, as much older versions of themselves. Future Sam is a little senile, but future Max will talk to you. He can't remember how you solved Bosco's cow problem, but he does have a lot to say about Sinky's Stick-Tite adhesive. 
Look at the bulletin board. There's an ad for Stinky's Stick-Tite Adhesive, based on an old family recipe, with a secret ingredient, Bitumen-13, that makes it extra sticky. There's also an obituary for a local mariachi named Pedro. The obit is blurry at the bottom, due to water damage, so you can't see what he died of. There's nothing else to do here right now. Time to check out another time period... 1963.0917 Ms. Bosco -- The Oval Office, 1963 
If you played Abe Lincoln Must Die, this room should look familiar, but now we're much father back in the past. So why is Superball guarding the War Room door?! 
Chat with Superball. He'll tell you that he saw Ms. Bosco earlier. Ms. Bosco told you that Bosco's father was a nice man in the dark suit, who she met at the White House. Could it be Superball? Take the chemical analyzer from your inventory and use it on Superball. He refuses to spit on it.
Superball happens to be drinking a glass of water. You can try to say shocking things to him, to get him to spit it out, but he's pretty unshakable. You'll have to try another approach. Take the president's letter from your inventory and hand it to Superball. The letter's contents aren't too surprising, but when he learns the president has been eating at Stinky's, he spits water across the room and onto a pillow on the couch. Use the chemical analyzer on the spit-stained pillow to get Superball's sample. Ask Superball what he does at the White House, and he'll tell you that one of his jobs is to give out patents. Superball won't give you a patent on just an idea; you need to provide him with a sample and an explanation of what makes it unique. Click the tar cake sample on Superball and Sam will ask for a patent. When Superball asks which ingredient makes it a unique invention, say "Bitumen-13" (the ingredient that was mentioned on the poster for Stinky's adhesive in the far future). Superball will give you a patent that grants you exclusive rights to make and market your invention. Grandpa Stinky isn't going to be happy about this... Before you leave, scan Superball with the modified carbon dater to get a new time card. The card is date-stamped 2008.0906, and it has Sam & Max's office logo on it. Click on the elevator. Add the new time card to the holder, then choose 1963.1025 Bosco's Convenience. Let's see if Superball's DNA sample will turn Bosco back to normal! 1963.1025 Bosco -- Bosco's Convenience, 1963 Take Superball's sample from your inventory and use it on the baby maker. The AI will announce that the time stream has been altered. Go to the elevator and click the Home button to return to the ship. On the Spaceship 
Bosco's not a cow anymore! But he's not Bosco, either. Apparently Superball isn't the right dad. Plus he's still flickering. Oh well, you tried. Go to the elevator and select a new time period. 2008.0906 Superball -- Sam & Max's office, 2008 
This is your office, in the not-too-distant future. Superball is here again, this time guarding the closet door.
Superball claims he's investigating the president's disappearance, but when you try to tell him about your case, he gets a little cagey. In fact, when you tell him you're involved in a time travel case, Superball does something with his glasses that makes you forget what you were just talking about. Was Bosco right? Is there a government conspiracy afoot? Ask Superball if it's his birthday. He'll say that it is, and a mariachi was here earlier signing to him. Too bad you missed it! Pick up the Boxing Betty remote from Max's desk. Sam starts to ask Max a question, but he's cut off by a voice from outside. It's Sam, in the not-too-distant-future! He asks you to throw down the remote, and in return, throws up an egg, saying you'll need it later. Hmm, now what? This time hopping is fun and all, but let's focus on the tasks at hand: you still need to figure out who Bosco's real father is, and you need to get Ms. Bosco to focus on her baby maker again. Let's go back to the Oval Office, since Ms. Bosco said Bosco's father was there. 1963.0917 Ms. Bosco -- The Oval Office, 1963 The envelope from the president's letter is on the desk, where Superball threw it before. Use the chemical sampler on the envelope to get a DNA sample from the president. Go back to the time elevator and select Bosco's. 1963.1025 Bosco -- Bosco's Convenience, 1963 Use the president's DNA sample on the baby maker. Click on the elevator and select "Home" to return to the space ship. On the Spaceship Yes! Bosco is Bosco again! But the time paradox you created when Ms. Bosco set her sights on Max is still a problem. Ms. Bosco doesn't seem willing to budge, so let's try to set things right by affecting little Max instead. 1980.0710 Max -- Stinky's Diner, 1980 
Show the tar cake patent form to Grandpa Stinky. He's so upset that he destroys his secret-family-recipe tar cake. The time stream is altered, girl Stinky never invents her adhesive, and the portable AI on the elevator falls right off.
Give the portable AI to little Sam. He'll download the personality from the portable AI, and Bluster Blaster will take on whichever personality you chose for the spaceship's computer earlier in the game (the default is "politically correct"). The goal here is to get Max to stop playing the video game. To do that, you'll need to give Bluster Blaster a personality that won't encourage Max to keep playing. Think of Bluster Blaster as he is now... how did he end up such a loudmouth? If you haven't changed the AI's personality to "abusive" already, go back to the spaceship and do this, then come back and give little Sam the portable AI again. Now that Bluster Blaster has an attitude problem, kid Max isn't so keen on playing his video game anymore. He and kid Sam head off to the dance, where Max can hook up with Jennie Tallarico... and the rest is history. 1963.1025 Bosco -- Bosco's Convenience, 1963 Now that Max is a womanizer, Ms. Bosco doesn't like him so much anymore. She proclaims that she's done with men, and the AI announces that the time stream has been altered. Good work! Click the elevator, select "Home," and see what there is to see. On the Spaceship Bosco's finally back to normal. Great, now let's get out of here! Before you get the chance, doors leading to another part of the space ship slide open. Are we finally about to come face to face with T-H-E-M? 
A musical interlude follows, during which we learn that T-H-E-Y are a group of time-traveling mariachis. These are the same mariachis who have been popping up in earlier episodes, and are actually three different aged versions of the same mariachi, who have teamed up courtesy of their time-traveling space ship. Singing for birthdays hasn't been covering the bills, so in order to pay off their space ship, the mariachis took on a contract job collecting the souls of the recently dead and shipping them off to places unknown. Their accomplices in this scheme are none other than the talking Moai heads and Bermuda Triangle from episode 202, and while they're singing, you'll see an example of the soul crushing process performed on Jurgen, the goth vampire from episode 203. Okay, so that was unexpected. The surprise is too much for Bosco's weak heart. By the end of the song, the loveable neighborhood paranoid is so frightened that he has a heart attack and dies. Now his soul is on the platform, and soon it will be crushed by the Moai heads and shipped off, too. Sam & Max have to save him! 
When the song ends, the two younger mariachis will clear out of the room, leaving the oldest behind. Click on him to start a conversation. You'll learn that the mariachi's name is Pedro, and in addition to overseeing the soul crushing process, he also maintains the ship's timecard printer. He's not ecstatic about his job, but he likes being able to travel through time since he has a lot of deep questions he wants answered, such as "How do I die?" and "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" You can try to encourage him to quit his job, but until he knows the answers to these questions, old Pedro plans to stay put.
Take look around the soul-crushing room for some way to distract old Pedro. He mentioned that he maintains the ship's printer. Click on the printer to take a look at it (it's to the left of the door you entered through). Pedro asks you not to touch it. Click on the exit door to go back to the spaceship's main room. The younger versions of Pedro are here, plotting a course for the mother of all birthdays: triplets! As Sam & Max walk in, the two Pedros are instructing the computer to print out a time card for Embarrassing Idol. This prints out of a slot under the computer's main AI. Click the new time card to take it. 
The youngest Pedro is the captain, and middle-aged Pedro is the communications officer. Talk to the captain. Before you have a chance to introduce yourself, you'll learn that he already knows Sam as a famous recording star. (Last season, Sam got a recording contract for winning the Embarrassing Idol competition.) The captain mariachi wants to embark on a solo career and become the greatest singer ever known, but he needs a big break. The middle-aged Pedro is the communications officer, and he's busy listening for someone to say "birthday". Sam & Max try to convince him to quit, but this Pedro loves singing for people on their birthdays too much to quit. Take the Embarrassing Idol time card from your inventory and use it on the elevator. Then click the elevator and select the Embarrassing Idol time card to go there. 2006.1221 Soda Poppers -- Embarrassing Idol, 2006 
You've arrived on the Embarrassing Idol set, and Sam just won the competition, complete with a recording contract for Bin-Bottom Records. You can try to convince him to give you the contract, but past Sam isn't having it. Oh well, let's get back to the time machine... uh oh. Past Sam and Max run onto the time machine and take off before you have a chance. That's bad, right? ............On the Spaceship After living through the last year and a half all over again (don't worry, we'll spare you the details), Sam & Max catch up with their past selves on the ship. Talk to past Sam. He wants to know how to get to the moon. Maybe you can get him to trade you the recording contract. Try telling him that he needs a screwdriver to get to the moon, and then offer him yours. Past Sam wants the screwdriver, but he won't trade you the recording contract for it because he knows he needs that to get on Myra's show back in the past. If only Past Sam didn't remember what he needed the contract for. Remember in your office earlier, how Superball wiped your memory every time you mentioned time travel? Talk to Past Sam again. This time, tell him he needs a time-traveling phone booth. When he asks where to get one, tell him to ask agent Superball in the future. Past Sam and Max hop onto the elevator to go see Superball. 
When they get back, they're confused about where they are. Talk to Past Sam again. Tell him he needs a screwdriver and that you'll give him yours in exchange for a recording contract. This time he doesn't remember why he needs the recording contract, so he hands it over.
Give the recording contract to the captain. It's exactly what he needs to embark on his solo career! One mariachi down, two to go. The middle-aged mariachi is really into his job. Maybe you can get rid of him by calling him away to a very important birthday. Take a look at the elevator time cards. Each card displays the birthday of the person you scanned to get it. According to Superball's time card, his birthday is September 6. Ms. Bosco's timecard also has a September date, and Ms. Bosco's timecard takes you to the Oval Office, which means it's September in the Oval Office. Sam & Max can use this coincidence to their advantage. Select the Oval Office timecard to go there. 1963.0917 Ms. Bosco -- The Oval Office, 1963 Click the September calendar next to the president's desk. Click the "Today!" sticky note and move it to the 6th. You've just changed the national date. Now ask Superball if it's his birthday. When Superball says that it is, the middle-aged mariachi jumps out of the elevator to sing for him. Quickly, before the song ends, click on the elevator. Sam & Max will return to the ship with the elevator, and the mariachi will be left behind in the Oval Office. Sorry, Pedro! 
On the Spaceship Now old Pedro is the only mariachi left. He won't leave his post until he gets his big questions answered. One of those questions is how he died. Pedro's obituary was on the bulletin board in the Freelance Police office in the far future. Go back there to take another look at it. 2108.0303 Sam -- Sam & Max's office, 2108 The bottom part of the obituary (where it says how Pedro died) is blurry, and the wall is damaged too. Bosco's model volcano is directly under the obituary. You need to make a change in the past to prevent the volcano from damaging the obituary in the future. Return to the elevator and select the timecard for Sam & Max's office in the near future. When you get there, take the wine bottle cork from Sam's inventory and use it on the model volcano. 
Now go back to the office in the far future. The obituary isn't damaged anymore, and you're able to read that Pedro died from inhaling ink ribbon fumes. Go back to the spaceship to deliver the bad news. On the Spaceship Go into the soul-crushing room and give old Pedro his obituary. He still wants to know what came first, the chicken or the egg, but he's done with that stupid printer. Go over to the printer and look at it. Sam will toss the ink ribbon into the time vortex -- nobody needs that thing anyway. Go back to the main room and ask the AI to print out another time card. With no ink, the time card prints out blank. Wonder where this will take us? Use the blank time card on the elevator, then click the elevator and select the blank time card. The Beginning of Time It's the beginning of everything! The singularity from which everything we'll ever know is going to spring is here. So is Mr. Featherly, everyone's favorite Shakespearean actor / chicken. 
Click on Mr. Featherly to talk to him. He'll tell you he was left behind here by the mariachis after a mishap on the set of Midtown Cowboys: The Motion Picture summoned their spaceship. The AI won't let you take him back with you, claiming that removing Mr. Featherly from the beginning of time would result in a catastrophic temporal paradox. If you're going to take Mr. Featherly with you, you need to leave a chicken in his place -- or maybe an egg? Take the egg from Sam's inventory and use it on Mr. Featherly. Sam will swap the egg for the chicken. Go back to the elevator and click the Home button to return to the spaceship. On the Spaceship 
Go back to the soul-crushing room and show Mr. Featherly to Pedro. That satisfies the old man's curiosity. He leaves the spaceship in Sam & Max's capable hands. It's time to extend the bridge and get Bosco's soul back -- but wait, Max jumped up on the control panel and accidentally stepped on the "suck" button. There goes Bosco's soul! Now what? 
Near Bosco's body, there's a control panel with a big red button. Press this to extend the bridge. (Note: If you try to do this before you have gotten rid of all three mariachis, your attempts will be overridden.) Right when as you extend the bridge, the time-traveling mariachis show up with a message from the future: "Whatever you do, do not extend the bridge!" Oops.
Bosco's body tumbles onto the platform and the ship's self-destruct sequence is initiated. The ship sets a collision course for the beginning of the universe. When the cutscene ends, go over to the main control panel (where old Pedro was standing before) and press the "suck" button. Bosco's body is sucked up toward the triangle, but it's too heavy and only gets sucked up halfway. You can try running over to him, but after a few seconds, his body falls back to the ground. Click on the time controls next to the suck button. Sam can jam his finger into the clockworks and stop time, but he can only do it for a few seconds at a time. Maybe something in your inventory will help? Press the suck button again. While Bosco's corpse is in the air, use the tar cake sample on the time controls. The gears will jam and Bosco's corpse will be sucked up again. Now you have a little longer before his body falls back to the ground. Run over and click on Bosco's corpse. Sam and Max will climb up and jump into the Bermuda triangle, taking Bosco along with them. See you in Hell! 
Good work! You've completed Sam & Max: Chariots of the Dogs! Official Sam & Max: Chariots of the Dogs walkthrough © 2008 Telltale Games. Do not repost without permission.
With eight different time periods to explore and more paradoxes than you can shake a stick at, this episode is just begging to be replayed. Check out Brendan's list of stuff you may have missed, and enjoy Chariots of the Dogs all over again.
Note that there are great big honking spoilers below. This list is really for people who have already completed Chariots of the Dogs. Read them at your own risk. 
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